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21+ answers please - Why won't my boyfriend return the favour?
He likes to receive oral, and I do it for him every other day because I care about him and want him to feel good. He knows that I love it, but only does it for me 1-2 times every two weeks. He says he doesn't mind it and that it has nothing to do with my hygiene which is immaculate. He always has an excuse, like that he is tired or he is just not in the mood. Yet, he is always up for him getting it or having sex. I feel like there is something he isn't telling me, but whenever I bring it up, he gets angry. What should I do?
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I would eat you out everyday if that helps but back to the point you should talk to him about it or stop giving him oral like he does to you
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One of the most important pieces of advice I give when answering questions concerning sex is that partners have to communicate with each other. when I say communicate I mean talk to each other before hitting the sheets as to what your individual likes and dislikes are. What are definite No's, what are things you might try and how you like to be made love to. Not the first time you have sex together but sometime after if the relationship is going in the direction of a long term affair.
This is especially important for the women to tell the man. Most men learn about sex by reading prono magazines and watching porno movies. Porn movies are made to titillate the audience and are not the way most of us like to make love. As the female you have to teach your man you and maybe he will want to show you what he likes as well.
With oral sex being a big part of your pleasure he needs to be more open with you as to why he is reluctant to please you in this manner. There are any number of reason I could give you as to why he may not like to give you oral pleasure. The biggest one would be failure to please you in this manner.
We men have very fragile egos when it comes to sex we all think we are the worlds greatest lovers and we can be if we allow our lover to show us what they like. This is where a problem exists allowing our lover to show us how to make love to them. TO the male it means failure as a lover.
Playing tit for tat games is not going to solve your problem. Meaning if you don't give me oral sex I won't give you oral sex. This will not resolve the problem. In fact I think it will make it worse.
You two need to have a calm discussion about your sex life. If that is not possible then I suggest you see a sex therapist. A sex therapist is a doctor of psychology who specializes in sexual dysfunctions.
Oral sex can be a big part of a persons sex life. So I understand why you have written to us for advice. I personally don't see giving oral sex as a favor or a duty. To me it is a part of foreplay one my wife and I enjoy.
You now have to decide if you can live with just what he is willing to give, to try and find out his real reason for not enjoying oral sex for you in a one on one discussion, asking him to see a therapist with you to discuss this as some time a professional third party is helpful; or decide if oral sex is that important for you that you wan to remain in this relationship without it.
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I like Solidadvice4teens advice. I do want to add
that it is possible that he just doesn't like doing it. Maybe he does it now and then just to make you happy, but really just doesn't enjoy doing it.
You do need to have a talk about it. Talk when you aren't upset. If he just doesn't like it then you have to decide if you can live with having it that way just now and then. Of course the same goes for him. You don't get it...He doesn't either.
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Next time he asks for it or sex in general tell him "I don't feel like it right now" and see if he gets the hint that it goes both ways. You could also not perform this act with him and only do so sporadically to prove a point.
The best thing to do is say to him that you're being very generous (which you are) in making sure he enjoys the act on him EVERY time you are intimate but that you NEED this kind of thing in return each time or however often you feel rather than weeks without.
There's nothing wrong in telling him flat out it's what you enjoy and expect while being intimate and it's only fair that he return the favor more often.
I don't think it's your hygiene that could be the problem. I have a feeling it may be a total lack of confidence on his part. Maybe he just doesn't know what to do in that moment to please you. The other could be a bizarre psychological block or hangup he has about female anatomy.
You have to talk to him and tell him not to lie or any BS but to be fully honest about why he doesn't seem at all interested in doing this for you but expects it for himself every time and go over any fears or expectations on performance so he can become okay with the frequency you expect.
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