|
Is it okay for your boyfriend to have a friendship with his child's mother?
I don't want to sound like a total freak out, but he sees her at least 4 times a week to exchange clothes/toys. We are in our early twenties and live together. They text all the time, and I've gotten to a point where I am just really uncomfortable with the whole thing, and he knows that. He says I have to accept that he has a child with her. I understand that she will always be in his life because of that, but in a way I feel like a home wrecker just by being with him. I feel like the other woman, when I haven't done anything wrong. I am having second thoughts. Maybe he should try and work things out with her for the sake of the child. Is what I'm feeling normal?
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Clearly, if he wanted to be with her, he has plenty of opportunities to pursue that - so give at least this much respect: Trust him when he says he wants to be with you and don't invent problems in your head. Deal with the realities.
Honestly, I don't see anything terribly wrong with the friendship you've described here. I know divorced couples who end up seeing each other 4 or 5 times a week - that's really just the amount of time it takes to effectively co-parent a young child (especially if you aren't particularly organized).
You may have a valid complaint against constant texting - no matter who he was texting - it is understandably frustrating to have your time together constantly interrupted by someone else's phone.
It does sound to me like you probably moved in a bit fast. Now you are actually seeing what his life is like. You did sign up to date a parent. If you don't like it, your best option might be to end it, not because your 'the other woman' but because your aren't going to get the kind of relationship you want from him. There will always be parts of his life you aren't going to be an equal part in.
]
Edit:
No, I didn't answer your question but I aalso told you if you can't handle it then you need to tell him. The way your thinking is selfish, To not want the mother of the child around is and will put pressure on the father. I can understand not wanting her to be involved in your lives constantly yes, but she will be present from time to time. Perhaps you need to tell him you feel he is in conract with her a bit too much and you feel like your being put on the back burner. If he is not willing to one down his contact and put more focus into you then this relationship isn't for you to begin with.
Now sorry for the misunderstanding on my last answer.
Your actions are extremely selfish
His child will and should always come first, He is a father. As the mother of his child yes, she will always be in the picture.
Basically this guy is a package deal, you except him, his child and the fact that this other woman has a child with him or you do not except him at all.
If you decide to do the mature thing and realize that he is a parent who should be on mutual terms with the mother then you also need to except as his partner you will have co-responsibility to his child if you were to end up married.
So if you feel you truly can't handle the mother being around then be honest with him. However, staying around being selfish about it IS beibg a home wrecker indeed
]
I really feel for you on this one-after all its not you're fault he's fathered another womans child.
I think firstly you need to talk to him about it-communication here is key. I mean, it is normal for parents to get on for the sake of the children involved, but texting constantly? That doesn't seem right.
He has a right to see his child, but you also have a right to a normal relationship with him, not one with three people involved. Tell him how you feel. Although this is hard, the sooner you do it, the sooner you can move onwards and upwards, whichever that direction may be.
If he denies things and just says hes civil with his ex, but you still have your suspicions, then walk away. People like this will never change, and don't you deserve better? Of course you do.
So tell him how you feel, get any answers you may need, and move forward.
]
More Questions: |