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I HATE giving oral.
18/f, been in a happy, secure relationship for over 2 years.
At first, giving oral was something I would do to my boyfriend to impress him and let him know that I can be sexy. after months (and years) went by, I stopped having the desire to show him that side of me through oral sex. I've come to despise it, actually. I hate the taste, I hate that it makes my mouth sore, and I just don't like the feeling it gives me - like I'm degrading myself.
My boyfriend for the most part respects this. On his birthday, I've (unfortunately) made it a tradition to give him head and let him finish right then and there. Since his birthday's coming up, he keeps talking about it and how excited he is. I couldn't be dreading it more.
thinking about it upsets me because all the other girls I know love to perform oral on their boyfriends. It makes me feel abnormal and that my boyfriend deserves someone who would enjoy it as much as he does. I hate feeling this way and I'm never at peace with myself for it.
so, I'm not weird right?
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There are more than just one technique for this. While I can't get into that books, searches etc. may yield something that works better for you.
When it comes to pain, gag reflexes and it being unpleasant it may be because you are taking to much in at a time. There are several sensitive areas such as the glans to focus on solely. Ask him what is most sensitive and focus only on that. It may go better for you this way.
Also, if you don't like taste as you indicated try using a condom that doesn't have spermicide on it so you don't have to come in contact with bodily fluid from him. That may help you.
The other thing you need to address is any hangups you have about it and why you feel degraded by it. Once you do that you might feel differently about it and or not.
Either way level with him and let him know it's not personal but you want to do it sporadically and spontaneously and not each time out to keep it exciting. That way you don't give him the idea that you find it gross as that can offend him a great deal.
Another thing you could do is tell him to signal you to stop when he knows he's about to release fluids so you don't come in contact with them. Also, if concerned about smell make sure he showers before being intimate as that may erase that for you.
The other thing you can do is be honest with him. Tell him "I love pleasing you but don't take it personally if I need to stop while doing this. My jaw locks up sometimes and it hurts me." Whenever that happens you can stop and find another way to provide pleasure so he sees that you're interested in intimacy still but just not continuing that in that particular moment. I'm sure he will understand.
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I dont like giving oral either mostly because it just doesnt make me feel good being so close to his penis. I dont like the smell and the taste and my mouth gets sore too. Also it kind of makes me feel like an object, especially when the guy tries to move my face closer to his penis. so no you're not weird and you're not alone.
You could ask him to shower before you do it IF you still want to go through with it. When my boyfriend takes a shower and his penis smells like bodywash it's really not that bad.
If you're dreading it too much you should really just tell him the truth. If he really loves you he'll understand. And a good relationship is not all about sex. It would really put me of if a guy kept talking about how "excited" he is to get a blowjob. I mean hello? If he wants sexual pleasure sooo badly he should just masturbate. I think that these things should just happen because you love eachother and because you want to be close to eachother and not because the guy is oh-so-horny.
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First of all, if you don't like it then you don't have to do it. Sounds like the boyfriend is mostly good with that. If you don't want it to be considered a traditional part of his birthday gift that he is expecting, then you need to say so & be done with that. Not saying anything will just make you feel worse everyday until his birthday.
Just because others like it doesn't mean you have to. It doesn't make you weird at all. They aren't weird either. Some ladies consider it just another way of making love with their guy. Giving him something he enjoys. If you could think of it in that way it might help, IF it is something you want to enjoy. If not, then just let him know. He may be mentioning it just to get your reaction. Have a heart to heart talk with him & let him know you really just don't enjoy doing it.
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you're not weird. but you're also not giving it a chance.
I used to not like giving head too. It was such a chore and not remotely sexy to me. But eventually I started dating a guy who it was fairly important to, and because I loved him, I compromised. I started doing it somewhat regularly and discovered that like with anything else, when you become proficient at something it is much more enjoyable. The reason it makes you sore is because your body isn't used to performing that action, and the solution is practice. Really, once you're good at it, it only takes away 10-15 minutes of your day, so what is the big deal? you can't set aside a tiny fraction of your day every once in a while to make the person you love feel good? Personally I just don't understand how other girls work.. If you love someone, shouldn't it provide you with a great deal of pleasure and satisfaction to make him feel good? Isn't that it's own reward? You can't deal with a few minutes of unpleasantness when you know it contributes to his quality of life? Just some thoughts, this is what I told myself years ago when I was trying to get used to giving head myself. Watching him react strongly to something I'm doing is so exciting, it totally negates any discomfort on my part. I really think if you love someone, that generally ends up being the case. Sorry if it sounds harsh, but I have been on the other side of it, with a partner who refused to perform oral, and it sucks. It made me feel unattractive that he was grossed out by being face to face with that area. Some people will say, if you love eachother, you will never want the other person to do something they're not comfortable with. And that's true, but it's also true in a relationship that each of you makes certain compromises and to me this seems like such a trivial one. If you feel differently that's a matter of opinion and you're totally entitled to it, I guess I just don't relate to that perspective. And I honestly think once you get used to it and it just feels routine, at a minimum it won't be nearly as unpleasant as you build it up in your head to be, and at a maximum you'll be like me and find that by doing it you discover what people like about it in the first place. Honestly I would feel bad if my man enjoyed something a great deal and I made him wait all year for 15 minutes of pleasure, when I could just get it out of the way, he'd be happier and I'd be no worse off and finished before I knew it. Anyways, that's just my 2 cents, I know a lot of people will disagree but I honestly just feel a bit sorry for the guy involved, I know how he's feeling.
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