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Divorce or not? From my wife says she wants to sleep with other men.?
You may want to check the question, "my wife says she wants to sleep with other men" for the details leading up to this question. I told my wife "NO!" I told her that I loved her dearly and could not stomach the thought of her with another man. Additionally, I was thinking of our kids and careers with this response. Kids have to go to school with their friends and the black guy in question is one of their teachers. My wife also teaches in the same building. I am a principal in another building in the same district. Now my wife tells me that she is also thinking of our kids and careers and that I need to say "YES" because she was the woman that she described as having the affair with this black guy. Now she pees on a stick and tells me she is approaching 8 weeks pregnant and will soon start to show. My wife and I decided that I would have a vasectomy years ago after our last son was born. So, there is little question who the father will be. She thinks that there will be scandle if I do not stay with her. It is also likely that all three of us will lose our jobs and our careers might not recover from this. I see my only chance to salvage my career is to go public and cut ties with her. She obviously wasn't thinking of me when she was with him. Problem is I still love her and she tells me that she still loves me and that it was just sex with no emotional ties or commitment. Additionally, the kids are the victims no matter what I do. I am very torn about how I should handle this. On one hand I have always loved her very much and I love my kids and on the other hand I am very hurt! A marriage is based on love and trust. How can I ever trust her again? I know others have been where I am. Please, I am open to suggestions.
Additional Details
The make-up sex has been great. She has been after me like a newly wed. I still love her and love sex with her but the cheating and I the whole time that I am making love to her I cannot get the image of another man crawling all over my wife out of my head. Does that image ever go away?
2 days ago
Am I a bad person? I love having all the recent sex with my wife. She is very horny now. She says that I am her husband and that I am the one she loves. She insists on staying together; but, I am starting divorce proceedings. She won't give him up and wants me to come watch their meeting tomorrow after school. She thinks that if I see her with him that I would understand their relationship.Whether I come watch or not, whether I approve or not she is going to meet him. Then she wants to come home to me with loads of him inside her and screw me all night. The thought makes me very horny and repulses me at the same time. About the child, he told my wife to get an abortion. He wants nothing to do with fatherhood and raising a child. He told my wife that he is just in it for the sex! It is amazing to me how a woman with a Bachelor's and Master's degree can be so dumb! She keeps going back to him drooling like a puppy that has been beaten. What the hell does she see in him? If we stay together, my wife plans that at the end of the school year she will only be 5 months pregnant. She will tell everyone that she had a miscarriage and she wants to get away for a while.Which at her age is reasonable. Then she will have the baby in another city and return for next school year telling everyone that after losing her baby we decided to adopt. Thus explaining the interracial child. She is sneaky and has given this a lot of thought. One of my biggest fears is if I have the courage to divorce her what will I do for sex. I don't see myself being celibate The bar scene is not for me. And I don't see myself being satisfied masturbating to internet porn. I mean, I will be divorced, mid 40's and within spitting distance of 50, balding and 15-20 pounds overweight, who would want to be with me? I am only tall when I am standing on my wallet which I am sure lawyers, court fees, divorce, and child support will greatly reduce. So now what?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
I'm only 16 so I'm not going to talk about the divorce because that is your decision. But what I will say is that SEX IS NOT EVERYTHING. Also, THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS EMOTIONLESS SEX. It's just not possible. Your wife is pregnant! THAT'S NOT EMOTIONLESS.
I don't know if I'm grasping at nothing or not when I say this, but throughout your whole question you said that your wife was having sex with you like a newlywed. You never once said that she made love to you. You always said sex.
And I could be wrong, but to me there is a difference between making love and having sex. I'm young but I'm not dumb. Love involves two people who love eachother, who complete eachother, who sacrifice for eachother and who have a well established emotional connection with eachother. Sex is when two people want to feel good and get on with the rest of their life. I don't mean to sound preachy but when God gave man sex, he intended for it to be a sacred act between two people who are in love spiritually, emotionally, and physically.
And the fact that you feel you need money to be attractive is sad. The kind of women you want is someone who is going to be by your side through the good and the bad, not some floozy who is just going to stick around as long as you're financing her shopping sprees and hair appointments. If you feel unattraction physically, then go to the gym. If not, then be confident in who you are. And remember sex is not everything. If you don't believe me, look at what you got out of it: A wife who wants to have sex with all the time and with her lover from work all the time and a son that is probably not yours.
After just reading that you should realize that sex hasn't done you any favors.
And before I go I just want to tell you that I would not want a wife who wants me but wants some arm candy on the side. She would have to love me with her whole heart and I the same. Just thought I should say that.
I hope this has helped you.
~Andrew~
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What I see in your writing is that you are very conflicted and confused over this entire matter. There is nothing I believe any of us untrained advisers could say to help you.
I'm suggesting you seek the help of a trained and licensed therapist to help you sort out your feelings. Sex is only one part of a marriage. Fidelity is an other. You seem to have a problem with these areas that really need a trained professional to help you.
As for you loosing your job. I do not see why you would lose your job over something your wife and another man did that you were and had no part in. You are the victim in this sordid affair. Victims generally do not get penalized.
These are the reasons I am suggesting you seek trained advisors for help. A lawyer for the legal advice you need. A licensed psychologist to help you sort out the personal side of the problems you face.
Good luck, hope everything works out as you would like.
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In my opinion, this isn't something you can sweep under the rug. When faced with a situation that could destroy a marriage and family, your wife decided to take that risk. I think the fairest thing to all would be to end it. And forcing someone to live a lie (the unborn child) their entire life would be devastating.
If you decide to go the other way and attempt to salvage this marriage, I would suggest counseling. But if one of your biggest fears is not getting laid for awhile, I don't think the marriage is a sturdy one on either of your parts in the first place. And my guess would be your children will be far worse off when they witness the possible dysfunction that may result from this ordeal if you two stayed together.
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I really think at this point the best choice is to file for divorce.
I read your previous qurstion ad well
Its this simple, you are not okay with her being with another man.
This marriage is the beginning if an end. Allowing your wife to sleep around sets a poor example upon your children. I am sorry to disappoint you hear but you need to stop thinking with your penis. This situation is not going to get better as your wife has already had an affair. Also, There may,be a possibility she has slept with more then one person. Continuing to have sexual relations with this person is opening yourself to risk of std. Personally I would rather be alone then to be lied to every day. Your not saving yourself humiliation by staying with her, your causing yourself humiliatiin by not leaving.
I do not blame you one bit, I certainly would not be okay with it either. I think you would be opening yourself up to a world of disappointments if you stayed. Sometimes you can love someone but you need to do what is best for you. You mentioned you have kids and I would think it would be a very unhealthy thing for them to watch your wife lead a dishonest way of life. Its wrong
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