|
My boyfriend claims to be a ''Christian'' but he does not want our child?
My boyfriend and I have been living together for 3 months. We have been dating 9 months. My boyfriend goes to church twice a week. He reads the bible. He visits his parents twice a week. He also has a bachelors degree and a good job. He is 26 and I am 21.
I found out I was pregnant in October, a month after we moved into an apartment together. (We have never used a condom and he knows I am not on birth control.) I found out he still has not told his parents about the pregnancy and he does not bring me to his parents when he goes to visit. He told me he wanted me to get an abortion but he never offered to pay for it or take me. (I don't want an abortion anyway.) He brought up marriage briefly twice, when he was drunk. He doesn't remember. He has been going out drinking with his coworkers and coming home at 3 AM on weekends, and he never used to do that. Since I told him I was pregnant, he hasn't felt the need to take me out to dinner or bring a pizza home, and we used to have a date night once a week. Its been about 3 months since he took me out. He spends about 3-4 days of the week sleeping here. We don't even go for walks to the park or the swap meet in our town anymore.
I don't think we are too young for marriage and we can financially afford a baby, but he still probably thinks his life will be ruined. My thinking is, he should have put a condom on if he didn't want a baby.
Should I ask him if he is going to marry me? We are Christians and I want marriage before this baby comes. I don't need a wedding, a private ceremony at a courthouse is fine with me. Having a baby will be hard to do alone, but I will sue him for child support if he leaves me. It's only fair. I did not become pregnant by MYSELF and I should not have to raise it myself but if I do have to raise it myself, I will need the extra income from him. Also, when should I tell his parents? I already told my boyfriends that if he does not tell them, that I will pick up the phone and tell them. I know it is not my place to tell HIS parents, but I said that to scare him 2 weeks ago, and he has not told them still. I think they deserve to know that their oldest son is having a child. I know that they would want to be in the child's life as because my boyfriend said his mom mentioned she wants to be a grandmother. What the heck do I do?!
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
My initial thoughts are that your boyfriend can't be that much of a Christian if he felt you should have gotten an abortion. It is to late for a legal abortion now. I also feel that you boyfriend is being very immature. You on the other hand are being far more mature than he is. You have to be as you are the one facing being a parent.
I also agree that his parents need to know especially if you plan to allow them to be part of the child's life. You are correct in that regardless of his feeling this child is their grandchild. If that means you need to inform them of your pregnancy I see no reason you should not do so at the earliest possible time.
I also agree that seeing a lawyer to have the proper papers filed with the courts NOW is what you should do. Do not wait for him to decide if he will support the child or even if he will marry you. Make sure you and the child have the proper protections in place when the child is born. Find a good Family Law Attorney now.
Don't wait for him to come around to the way you want him to be for I don't feel he ever will; at least not of his own accord. Once you tell his parents they are going to want to know why he hasn't told them. When you tell them why they may put pressure on him to man up and do the right thing. I'm not sure this is the best type of marriage to go into. They generally end up in court seeking to be dissolved once the baby is born.
My advice is see a lawyer and follow his or her advice as to when the proper paperwork can be done for child support and medical support for the child and your pregnancy. Then tell his parents. The only reason to tell his parents is if you plan to allow them to see and be part of the child's life, regardless of what part the child's father may play in the child's life.
]
I was in almost an identical situation nine months ago(my daughter is now 2 months old and I am almost 21).
You have every right and then some to be angry at your bf. the best way to approach this is to have a serious conversation about why you're upset and what you expect out of him. Being up the fact that getting an abortion goes against everything he says he believes in and if he wants to be the Christian man he's making himself out to be, then he needs to man up and take care of his child.
Make sure you add in how much you care about him and how much it's hurting you to be treated like you and your unborn child come second to his partying or whatever he's doing when he's not home with you. Also ask him whaaat he expect of you so nothing is confused and you know where you stand.
As far as telling his parents goes, you may regret telling them in the future. They may talk him into staying with you and raising your baby with you but at the same time you may forever wonder if he's ONLY with you because his parents told him to be. That can put a lot of strain on a relationship and your self esteem. Let me know if you need any advice on pregnancy or anything else!
]
Telling his parents about this without his consent will escalate this difficult situation.
Unfortunately, I think your boyfriend is now showing his true colors. I don't think you truly know someone until you live with them for a few months, when they slowly drop their guard and behave as they would when they're alone.
I would maintain a solid communication with him and let him know exactly what bothers you. Present yourself firmly and simplistically. Decide exactly what you need out of this and tell him. If he can work towards this, then let him try. If not, then it may be time to end it. But deal with him, not his parents.
]
ok it sounds like ( excuse my french) you boyfriends being a a$$ and he wants to not wear a condom then he should except partly responsibly i agree sue him if he thinks hes getting away with it what id do is wile hes out with his coworkers call up mama and tell her every thing you told us make him relise what hes doing wrong any mama would kick her sons as for knocking up a girl then not accepting responsibly im christian to im not fully i don't read the bible i cant go to church but i believe in god every once and a wile ill wear a cross and pray and i think you have every right to be pissed
( i cant go to church because i don't have the time with school and work )
love ya understanding friend
sweetgirl12free
]
More Questions: |