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Cheat-ee has become the Cheat-er: Now I have slept with 7 different men since the time I first cheated on my husband. What am I doing?
My husband and I have been married for 3 years. He cheated on me with his ex our entire 3 year engagement, through my pregnancy, and I didn't find out until right before we got married. I still married him because I love him, and I figured it would be a fresh start for us.
Now the tables have turned.
About a year into our marriage, I guess I finally decided that I can't trust him and he wasn't changing his ways, so I ended it. We were apart for a week or so, when I decided to sleep with someone else. I'd never been with another man; I was curious. It was a terrible experience, and I regretted it instantly. My husband and I ended up getting back together, and he has yet to forgive me for what I did. From my perspective, I ended things before I slept with someone else. From his perspective, we were married-I cheated.
I decided at that point after seeing how miserable my "leaving" made him, that I loved him and wanted to stay. Now, I have serious issues.
Since that night, I've slept with 7 different men, and kissed two more. I've found myself in a viscous cycle that I can't seem to get out of. I don't know if I just seek validation, if I don't really want to be with my husband, if I'm resentful, if I can't trust him, if I've completely lost myself, if I even care about anything anymore.
I'm lost. I'm confused. I'm sickened by my behavior. I'm a coward. I need help.
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Honestly, you are acting liking a spoiled little brat. Does any one care about the sanctity of marriage anymore? Anytime a problem happens people always run away, or go and sleep with other people and try to validate their reasons. First off, you should never have married him. There is obviously something missing in this relationship if he was cheating on you and now you are on him. I mean grow up. There is no excuse for cheating, period. If you are trying to figure yourself out, then get a divorce and act like an adult. Go have your fun. Get this crap out of your system and find out what really makes you happy. Maybe you will find the man of your dreams or maybe you will realize he is the one. For guys like him, we usually don't realize what we have until it's gone. Same with women too. Don't play these stupid mind games and grow up. By the way, you mentioned you were pregnant right? So how about you both stop being so damn selfish and think about your kid. Go find what it is you are missing.
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Have you considered the thought that you're wasting your time being married to a man you can't be faithful to? You're wasting his time, too.
Just throwing that out there.
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This is a messy situation.
I see it from different point of views here 1, You married a man when you know he cheated on you. This right here was your first big mistake.
The best thing for the both of you at this point I would say file for divorce. Seems like this marriage has past its brink of death period. I hesitate to suggest marriage counseling because of the lengthy time that you both cheated on one another. Therefore the trust has been broken and was technically broken before you got married.
You want a fresh start? Then my best advice is too stop seeing other people and file for divorce. Get yourself into counseling and focus on what you need to do to get yourself back on track. Once you are better and back on your feet then consider casually dating. However, stop with the multiple people. That is not helping you nor your situation. If your husband has cheated during your engagement and still has not changed his ways after marriage then it would be a bit pointless to try and "fix" him. This is not a marriage its just booty call.
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