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Grief about friend's suicide
My friend committed suicide almost two years ago and I still feel guilty. I am in my senior year of college and I do not want to graduate and I feel guilty whenever I do anything enjoyable that she did not get to do (she died in the middle of her senior year). I feel like I am partly responsible for her death and I do not want to do the things she couldn't. I do not think she would be angry with me now but I still cannot get past the feeling of being partially responsible for what happened. I miss her terribly and I feel like I have not really made any progress in grieving for her, and I'm not sure what to do from here because at this point I feel stuck. Any ideas or support will be helpful because I feel really alone in this, so thank you in advance for your response.
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First and foremost , my response to your question will be rather frank so please be open-minded when reading it . From what i've read , the matter which lead to this problem is not the suicide of your friend , but you alone . It's all about how you manoeuvre your feelings and manage the way you live . I'm sure that your heart is filled with agony , hurt and regret right after she committed suicide but you need to acknowledge the fact that she's gone . Ask yourself - For how long are you going to let this feeling of guilt last ? Are you really going to accept the role of being caretaker of that resentment for the rest of your life ?
She's not there anymore for you to seek forgiveness from her , and you've been feeling guilty for a long time now . Maybe it's time for you to forgive yourself now as a gift to your own heart and you're worth whatever it takes to rise above that pain and hurt . Bear in mind that your friend was the one who took the choice to end her life in the way she wanted , and she's already gone . You can grieve , that's normal and it will take a while . Remember her smile , the good times you had together and cherish the moments but not for too long . When it's time to let go , you need to let go no matter what . Pray to God for her happiness in her resting place .
The thing is , the longer you let her death and your guilt or resentment affect the way you live , the more monumental your problem will be , Believe me . Now , the one to save is you . The one to release from the emotional prison is you . When it comes to this , you need to prioritise yourself and take care of the delicate soul too . You've the right to graduate and pursue your career . Think about it . You deserve to live your life to the fullest even after the occurrence of her death and i would wager that she too , will be happy for you when you're happy .
Grieve , accept , pray , move on , decide what you want and work for it but don't forget to have fun and be jubilant . Please , be strong and face the ordeal with yourself , honestly . The life you're managing is your own . The emotional life , the social life , the spiritual life , the physical life that you're managing : all of it is your own . Manage it with purpose , and manage it with knowledge . You make the choices that create your emotional state . Make them in an informed , purposeful way and you'll have what you want .
You can do it .
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It's ok to be sad and feel that way...SOMETIMES. It's been quite awhile since that happend. You dont have to take my advice but i say you should try to have fun...when you think about her and it gets in your way just think to yourself that her spirt...your friend it right next to you doing that thing with you....maybe dont do this for everything(bathroom, sex, making out,and other) but you know your friend would not of wanted you to be upset about anything when she was alive. You're friend did that because of something in her live..an in no means did she ever thing it might mess with her loved ones. Maybe i'm helping by now? You should allow yourself to have fun and do great and awesome things without feeling sad. No one wants that on their friend and she didnt men for this to mess with you that bad. She'll always be with you in your heart. Dont feel guilty that you she did and feel happy that you've made it as far as you've gotten. Life is a journey and play it as it is dont let something stop you from following your dreams. I bet your friend is following her dreams somewhere else too! Follow them together!(:
Hope i helped
Your friend,
Lenore
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You need to move on with your life, One thing your friend would of wanted was for you to live life to the fullest. Grieving is normal yes, but you should not let it stop you from living. Life your life for your friend and live it for you. Go on and do new things, Enjoy it. It is what she would of wanted you to do.
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Grief is normal. The reality is that your friend made this choice and likely had mental-health issues you're not privy to driving it.
This was her horrible choice and no matter what is NOT in any way,shape, form your fault or for you to feel guilty over. No matter what you may have said or done prior to the event this is in no way something you caused or lead her to do fighting or not over anything.
I feel you are in dire need of some professional counseling on this to work through the grief, guilt and other feelings bottled up inside. It's been 2 years and it's time to move forward with your life.
She may be gone but you need to live still, graduate, enjoy life but always carry her with you. The greatest thing you could do is honor her in your own way while gradually moving forward. Perhaps become involved in anti-bullying clubs, suicide prevention (in schools and out) and mental-health groups to prevent people from making the choice she did.
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