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Engaged after one month of dating
Hi.
My best friend moved to Australia this year in April 2012. She had a thing with this guy over there but that didn't last long.
So about a month ago she told me she was dating someone else. She's 28 & the guy is 19. They started dated 17 November. (I only know the date cause of the facebook anniversary date thing) & on 20th December she messaged me saying he proposed and she said yes.
I'm not jealous or anything. I just think she's making a really big mistake. They've only been dating a month & also living together as her lease was ending at her other place. I don't know why she didn't just move back to her aunties house.
Do you think I should say something to her? I'm a bit scared to tell her how I feel cause I was abused by one guy I was dating last year & she was really supportive when I was going through a really rough time. I don't want her to rub that in my face.
We've fought over our relationships with guys before & now that she's marrying this one I think our friendship will end if I say something.
I told my two sisters that my friend got engaged as they know her too. The first thing they did was laugh & said "Is she pregnant?" "Does she want to live in Australia permanently?" & "She's weird, it's only been a month, what the heck."
I've known my friend since I was 15 in Year 10. I'm really stuck about this & don't know if I should say something to her or not.
Any advice would be good.
Thank you :)
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Really in all honesty though she is your friend, it's not your business. I mean because she is your friend you want her happy, and are scared this can turn out bad but it is not your relationship, not your life, and not your decision at the end of the day. If she gets hurt, it happens and whether you say anything or not there is always a chance she will get hurt. So if you want to say anything don't be like "this is too soon for you to get married" or anything along those lines. Simply talk to the guy find out what he is like. threaten him so he knows if he hurts your friend you will hurt him too ;). than sit down and tell your friend you were worried that she was making a mistake but if she really loves him you'll support her 1000% not a hundred but a thousand percent!
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Look, you are not an idiot, and neither is your friend.
You both know that this is unusual and risky.
Tell her you are surprised and concerned. If she doesn't take it well, back off, but chances are she's had to address the concerns of family members and other friends too.
Don't judge. Don't say things like "You're crazy!" or "This will never work".
Instead, tell her what you feel "You are my friend and I'm worried for you." or "I'm surprised and don't understand."
Remind her that you are far away, and can't see her or see them together, so you have to take her word for her happiness and certainty. Hopefully she can tell you some things that will help you know she is certain and aware of how unusual (and risky) this sort of arrangement is.
In the end, of course you have to respect her choice and be happy for her, but that doesn't mean pretending to be crazy, or lying about your concerns.
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From past experience, Leave the situation alone.
Sometimes people need to learn from their mistakes. By interfering with relationships is exactly the reason I lost my friend of 14 years.
You can express slight concerns but if she is against it then let it go.
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