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How do I become more social?
I notice that I have a social problem. I'm very kept to myself and it's not very inviting to people who want to get to know me. How do I become more social? It's kind of hard for me to make friends because I don't like to go out much. I'm an architecture student, so having social skills is necessary especially when presenting our project. But when I have free time, I like to catch up on my sleep. I don't understand how other architecture students can do it, but they go out and party and have fun even if they spent the previous night doing an all-nighter. I'm also more of a listener than a talker, but when I listen to people talk... I often don't relate to them because I really think that there are ways they could have prevented the situation but if I say that then in a way I'm telling them that they are wrong. Who wants to be told their wrong? Most people who talk about their problems are seeking some sort of comfort and are looking for support. If I agree with them, I'm truly not speaking my mind, but if I speak my mind then they won't agree with me. I don't appreciate that I have to put up a front to talk to other people, and it gets exhausting. Sometimes we connect and I can relate to them, and it feels like I'm free. But most of the time I just don't care to speak my mind.
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Get more generous.
You don't need to put up a front, or lie, and I'm not saying be a doormat either, but you do need to cultivate a greater spirit of generosity and a deeper respect for others.
And maybe the people you are around most of the time make that difficult! Maybe they are mostly whiny shitheads, but if you want be more at peace speaking with others, give them some more space to be whiny shitheads and stop taking it personally. It IS exhausting to always know better - and maybe you do always know better when it comes to the people around you right now, it doesn't matter - give people, even whiny shitheads, a bit more benefit of the doubt and respect, and stop trying to solve problems for them. Instead, trust them to solve their own problems, if they really want them solved.
If you can make this switch in your own mind. If you can begin to accept that other people know best for their own lives - even when they are being whiny shitheads - an amazing thing will happen. You'll stop sounding righteous or know it all when you give advice, because you'll be coming from a place inside where you have accepted that you honestly don't know it all when it comes to other people's lives. You'll be more respectful, and you'll even probably find people are more likely to hear your advice.
You'll also stop caring so much when they don't hear you, and don't take your advice. I won't matter as much, or exhaust you the same way.
Once you can do that, you can start to figure out which people are just way too much whiny shitheads to spend time around, and which people might have their moments, but can work through them.
We all have to socialize and get along with people who are being dumb some of the time. We all have to listen to someone's problems more than once, even if the solution is obvious to us, some of the time. The fact that this is upsetting you isn't just 'everyone else is crazy' you are making it worse for yourself when you cultivate a lack of respect for others choices and and don't give them space to make their own mistakes. You are making yourself miserable and alienating I yourself because you aren't letting other people just be other people, who feel think and choose differently than you do.
Yes - it's also important to find people who feel, think and choose similarly to you. Those are the people you are more likely to have good friendships with. But if you are talking about socializing with classmates, coworkers and less intimate friends, you need to take a deep breathe, and offer some more respect to them inside your own mind. They will like you more for it, and you will like them more for it, and you won't be so unhappy either.
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At first its hard to come out of your comfort zone and express yourself,but sometimes taking that small step amd getting out of your comfort zone is whats ganna give you the strength to be a social and gregarious person.especially in our modern world,you have to be around people and meet people and talk and get to know people to get to where you wanna be.So try taking that step and getting into the outside world and talk to different people with different points of view.Therescso much you can learn with peoples experiences and knowledge.You have to be self confident and sure of your thoughts and personality and you have to know what you truly want in life in order to be the person you have to be.When takking to people understand their view pounts and circumstances and try to help them and give them advice without being rude.
Goodluck
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I can relate to you and your situation. I am not a social person at all. People exhaust me, but I'm comfortable with people I know. The problem is, nobody "knows" me, so that leaves me feeling misunderstood and quite anti-social. I actually made a meet-up group on www.meetup.com for people like me that are Introverted. It turned out to be really fun! We went bowling and then had dinner. I met a nice group of people and I'm so surprised that I had the courage to put myself out there. I would suggest making a meet-up group for people your age, too. Maybe gear it towards a specific interest?
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