I'm 11 years old and have a boyfriend and I ALWAYS invite him over and go on dates with him. 1 year ago we had our first kiss and I feel weird knowing that I kissed someone I met only for three days! anyway, every time I lock the door of my room so we can talk privetly my mum screams out loud "MY DAUGTER IS HAVING FUN SEX!" she thinks that we have sex but we oblivesly don't ! how do I tell my mum we don't have sex? (without saying "just say mum we don't have sex were too young" because I already tried !!)
solidadvice4teens answered Saturday November 17 2012, 12:33 am: She's saying it because she knows that you aren't having sex and believes this is a cute thing she's said or continues to. I don't know why she would think you were but set her straight.
She thinks this is her being cute but you're totally mortified and it is indeed an incredibly dumb and inappropriate remark for a parent to be making to someone your age or at all. Tell her how it bothers you and that you have no desire for sex at all right now. If she doesn't get it consult your father.
Better yet avoid a hassle and keep your room unlocked or open when he is around. You have nothing to hide and she will see that. Locking it isn't the right idea. She will obviously know how to knock so privacy would remain intact. I hope this helps you. [ solidadvice4teens's advice column | Ask solidadvice4teens A Question ]
adviceman49 answered Friday November 16 2012, 4:18 pm: There are a couple ways to look at what your mom means when she yells out what she does, but that is not your question.
While I realize talking about sex with a parent is both hard to do and not just a little embarrassing. Though talking with her about this is what you need to do.
First leave out the part about you tried, we will talk about this in a minute. What you need to do is sit down with mom and say something to the effect that. "Mom I know I am to young to be having sex and I haven't." "When I lock my door when me and my boyfriend are together it is so we can talk privately without anyone just barging in."
At this point you can if you wish to discuss with mom what she feels are your rights to privacy at your age. You are 11 and like it or not you have only those rights your parents allow you. As you get older parents generally give their children more freedom in how they conduct themselves. You can if you wish offer to make a deal with mom that when you are ready to have sex you will tell her in exchange for her helping you get proper birth control so she does not become a grandmother at an early age.
Now I will tell you I am old enough to be your grandfather. I am very liberal in my views when it comes to sex, dating and young people. What I will say is I am very disturbed by young people your age dating exclusively.
At 11 years of age you would be in middle school sixth or seventh grade. To me this is way to young to be having exclusive relationships. You should be at best group dating as in mall outings, going to the movies in groups. Doing things such as going bowling, Ice skating and miniature golfing.
To me this is a very important part of your life that you are missing out on. It is how young people learn to socialize properly and properly deal with different situations. Selective or exclusive dating comes later when you are 15 or 16. You can call me old fashion if you want and maybe I am though sociologists and psychologists agree with me.
In everything we do there is a learning curve, this includes dating. You didn't just jump on a two wheel bicycle and start riding you used training wheels for a while. Call this period of dating the training wheels stage. It is important to go through this stage. To put it a different way; life is somewhat like an algebra problem. You can't skip any steps and expect to get the right answer.
Back to your question. I suggest you have a straight talk with mom along the lines I suggested above. Honesty is the best policy in all situations. It may be embarrassing but it will result in the right answer for you. [ adviceman49's advice column | Ask adviceman49 A Question ]
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