Question Posted Thursday November 15 2012, 12:05 pm
Well my boyfriend fingers me and I wanted to know if its okay since I'm 12 I'm turning 13 in 7 months and it just feels so good and I don't want it to stop but if its not right then I should probably stop him. We haven't had sex yet and I'm still a virgin. I really love him and we've been together for 6 months and he's been fingering me 4 5 months he fingers me every weekend and we see each other everyday at school and I'm at his house most days and my parents don't know about us when I sleep there on the weekends they thing I'm sleeping at my friend(she lives next door to him)please don't judge me
By the way, I'm not bagging on you. I was a very bad boy as a teenager myself. But I am just stating reality.
Anyway, that bit of preaching aside, just make sure you take other precautions to prevent pregnancy such as keeping his penis away from your vagina. Don't even let it get close. If his penis is out your vagina is covered and when he fingers you his penis is covered, got it? [ VoiceofReason's advice column | Ask VoiceofReason A Question ]
solidadvice4teens answered Friday November 16 2012, 11:00 pm: Your parents will kill you and him both if they find out that not only do you have a boyfriend but you sleep together at his house though not having sex. I think you know this hence the sneaking.
If there ever were a situation where you said you would be somewhere in an emergency and then weren't... It's also not fair to get your friend in a position where she could get in big shit for covering for you. You would lose any trust your parents have in you.
Don't lie to parents about him. Tell them you know they probably don't want you dating but that you have found someone you really care about and introduce him formally and his parents. That's the right thing to do and to have zero secrets.
When it comes to what you have been doing together generally it's older teens and adults engaging in this. However, the fact is that it's a form of self-pleasure and something you can't get pregnant from, won't harm you physically/mentally and you're in full control and enjoy it.
As long as you can tell him NO to anything else sexual and to QUIT or STOP or knee him in the groin when he doesn't than on that level... All it is is a form of masturbation as I said earlier which is normal as you know but done by a partner in this case.
However, I caution you big time here. You say he does it all the time when together. If it's ALL he wants to do than you have to look hard at the quality of the relationship or set limits on when and why this happens or if it's right for you right now. Don't do it to please him.
Otherwise, I wouldn't worry too much about it. But if he's to be in your life as a boyfriend tell your parents about it and stop sneaking around. If you want them to respect you respect them by being truthful.
Also, you need to exercise maturity here as a lot of this is adult decision making and being responsible which you aren't being. At your age even if it's non-sexual beyond this act you shouldn't be sleeping with boys or at their houses.
That can get you in trouble with your parents or in general by putting you in position for a bad situation with him. Also, if you feel conflicted about this or that it's wrong it may just be for you and this time.
rainhorse68 answered Friday November 16 2012, 1:57 am: Well, it's very young. I'd say too young really. But you've been doing it for some time. And on the positive side, you understand what he's doing...and enjoy it. There is no actual risk in what he's doing of course, but I'm sure you realise that it feels good because it's really a form of foreplay, or preparing for sex. And full sex at twelve or just about 13 even, is definitely 'not right'. As long as you can enjoy it as an act in itself, and STOP at the 'feeling good about it' stage, like you have for the past months then, fair enough. But don't for goodness sake let things run away with you and rush into having sex for a good while yet mate. It's likely that hell get a bit more bold, and you'll get a bit more confident and curious over time, and things can happen fast. And full sex at your age would NOT be a good idea. I'm not treating you like a baby. There would be a real risk of mistakes resulting in pregnancy. You'll almost certainly find it traumatic and upsetting rather than cool and fun. And it will raise some tricky emotional issues too that could find it very hard to deal with. As far as the other issue, well you're hardly likely to get your parents approval are you!! They'll naturally want everything ideal and perfect for their children, all their lives. My answer is more about damage-limitation than perfection. So, a bit of fingering...BUT NO MORE THAN THAT even if you think you're ready. [ rainhorse68's advice column | Ask rainhorse68 A Question ]
Drewb13 answered Thursday November 15 2012, 8:57 pm: I'm not going to judge you but I will tell you what I think.
You sneaking around with a boy behind your parents' back is just going to blow up in your face. Again I'm not judging you, but you are hiding your boyfriend from your parents.
I may be wrong but I think you already know what you're doing is wrong because why else would you hide your boyfriend from your parents? I'm sure you know that they would probably be upset about his age and the fact that you hang out at his house. But that's just my perspective based on what you wrote.
Now I'm sure you have heard this before but, YOU ARE TOO YOUNG. You need to keep in mind that he is 14. How do you know what's really on his mind?
HE IS MASTURBATING YOU AT HIS HOUSE. How long do you think it will be before you two are doing "other things" in his house? How do you know he won't force you to do those things?
You love him, but does he love you? A guy can say I love you and not mean it. I'm not telling you to break up with him. But if you love him and he really loves you, then you stop going to his house, stop having him "finger" you and introduce him to your parents. If he TRULY LOVES YOU, then he will do ALL those things and expect NOTHING FROM YOU IN RETURN.
The SNEAKING AROUND HAS GOT TO END.
You also mentioned that you are a virgin. KEEP IT THAT WAY. Your virginity is not something you should be careless with. You want to make sure that when you are ready, you give yourself to the right person.
I don't know your boyfriend, but I know teenage guys and from what you wrote, it sounds like he has the upper hand in the relationship. It doesn't sound mutual but to me it sounds like he could get you to do whatever he wants. I'm just saying you need to be cautious.
And if I sounded like I was judging you, it wasn't intentional. And I know I probably didn't answer your question directly but I found other issues in your question that I wanted to talk about.
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