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Driven over the edge... by my mother!
Im crying right now so Im kinda in a fragile state of mind. So I try all the time in school and i feel like no one else truly understands. Publically people think im so nice when I'm not. They don't know me really. When I get home I want time to myself. I came home at 6 today and I hadn't eaten at all. I go in my room and as soon as I open my mouth to eat, my mom yells my name. she does this VERY frequently. So I yell "okaaaay!" She came up to my room and I basically said "I just got home im tired, I havent ate, leave me alone" (In a yelling complaining voice) To make a long story short, my mom thinks im like my oldest sister and im gonna turn into this bad teen and hit her and all that stuff. Im my own person, I skipped lunch just to do homework at the library, I stayed after for algebra tutorials, and I try. When I get home im always yelled and hit at. My attitude can be bad but so is my mothers. She never lets me go over a friends house, EVER. I can't have a social life, she raises us to be antisocial. She's got issues she hasn't dealt with nor does she think even exists. So back to what happened. She got so mad that she threw my laptop down, punched the wall, tipped my orange juice over and started yelling at how much she wanted to hit me. Im so sick and tired of this. Tired of trying. Im sorry I have a short fuse but im not a bad person, I dont drink, smoke, cuss her out, hit her. NONE of the things my oldest sister use to do. Im a good girl and I get treated like crap sometimes. Im done, so tired I just cant. So now im grounded without this laptop I now have to give up and my ipod....my only source of music. As dramatic as this posts sounds its more serious than you think. I want to hit her and as soon as that day happens is the day I can't turn back. She will treat me like my oldest sister and it will be hell for my teenage life.So its a lose/lose situation. FML. Sometimes I just wanna call CPS and go live somewhere else....oh wait my oldest sis tried that. Sometimes I wanna die....oh wait thats taken too. So I just have to live in hell for the next 4 years...FML. Advice?
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That's the same as me, my mother hates me too and she had also tries hitting me once with my drawing pad...she ripped it up...
Call childline or whatever it is where you are because m dad died when I was young, my mother is a drug addict and all she does is sleep so I make all my meals and do everything for myself your only hope Is childline trust me do it before it gets worse you don't want to make the mistake I made, my mother even came to look at me and say she doesn't even know why she is still here and hasnt left me yet. CALL CHILDLINE NOW.
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I went through a very similar situation when I was in high school. I managed to find a way to be social and get away but whenever I was with my mother there were only a few min of peace between fights. The main difference was that instead of hitting me she would hit herself. I eventually wound up going to a therapist to figure out how not to fight with her. If you can figure out a way to get counseling from a professional I highly suggest it. When she got into an abusive relationship I ended up having two sever panic attacks and one minor one. But after 4 months of therapy I was able to get myself under control. The best advice I can offer besides seeking professional help, is to shut down when she starts yelling at you. If you let her in your head when she is in that state then you will break and things will only get worse, trust me. SO when she gets to the point of screaming and throwing things just let it wash over you. pretend you are somewhere else and just ignore it. It is the same concept as going limp when someone tries to attack you. she is attacking your mind so just roll with the punches. eventually she will realize that she is not getting anywhere and she will stop and go away. Also try to make at least one close friend that you can go to at school the next day. And never give up, ever. You can make it through. The best thing my therapist ever said was. Yes, your life is hard right now, and yes it is probably going to get worse before it gets better, but you just have to keep your eye on the light at the end of the tunnel and know that one day you will be in control of your own life and all of these problems with your mother are going to make you a better person. You are taking in all the bad she is giving you so you get to choose if you put out more bad like your sister, or use it to turn yourself into a wonderful kind and loving person. Just stay strong and know that every storm runs out of rain.
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First lets work on this short fuse. Not eating all day will only shorten your fuse. If you do this often you need to stop this practice and find or make the time to eat lunch. You should also start taking a snack to have before or after any after school activity to hold off any hunger feelings when you get home.
When we are tired and stressed out as you sound like you are when you get home. Hunger only amplifies the stress we are feeling. It makes it easier to fly off the handle, shorten our fuses. By having lunch at the proper time and maybe a snack at dismissal time you can lengthen that fuse.
As for the other things you have written about. This is harder to deal with as much of it is perception and the fact that you are writing while you are in "a fragile state of mind."
Mom may have issues, if she does there is not much you can do about it. Your the child you cannot force mom to do anything. Only your father, if he is in the picture, can take this issue up with her. If he is not available to appeal to then you might consider talking to an Aunt, Uncle or Grandparent who might be willing to speak with mom. If CPS found nothing wrong with your home life calling them won't do much for you though continued complaints may change their minds.
Hitting is a different story. Mom has the right to discipline you which would include corporal punishment. Hitting is not considered corporal punishment. A smack or two to your butt or even a spanking with her hand is corporal punishment.
Hitting you in the face or head with an open or closed hand is child abuse. Punching you or hitting you anywhere on your body is assault and could be considered child abuse. If this is what is happening when you say mom is hitting you then you should tell a trusted teacher or school principal. Tell them when any bruising if fresh so they can document it. With documentation by a trusted adult like a teacher or principal CPS will get involved.
Grounding and taking away privileges: Telling you when and where you can go, who you can see. is considered parenting. It may be poor parenting but parenting none the less. There is not much I or anyone else can offer in the way of advice as to what to do about this.
The best advice I can offer is what I have offered as far as eating so as to control your temper. Try talking with a relative as I suggested. If you and mom use the same doctor you could talk with your doctor and maybe the doctor can talk to mom to see if something the doctor can do to help her. Other than that just try to be as good as you can to stay on the west side of her.
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