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Help please: He beat me, cheated on me and more... but I can't make myself leave him!
Okay, so I need to know how I can fix my situation for the better, is it fixable or how should I go about leaving. I have had a on/off boyfriend for about 3 years now, since 11th grade. He started off trying to talk to me when I had a previous relationship that i wasn't happy in. basically "saved" me and we fell in love from there. He gave me money, talked on the phone with me and made me feel so special. I met his family and everything. Soon things went downhill about 4 months into the relationship, he began breaking up with me to be in sexual relations with other girls. I spent a year trying to win him back. When he finally got back with me things were great. He never EVER put his hands on me. In the times we were broke up I did move on for some time keep in mind. He went to jail for about 4 months and i spent $500 on just calls alone. He gets out and I catch him cheating quite a few times. He assumes everything i do without him I'm cheating. He started threatening me slowly over time, slapping me, pushing me. I stayed. Last night i went to a friend's house without telling him and he found out and came and got me. Got a hotel room and slung me around, beat me, called me a hoe, good for nothing, and i have anxiety attacks, in the middle of one he said "big greedy ass.. what you need food?" he stole my pants (leaving me in a thong and tshirt so i couldn't go outside) and phone so i couldn't leave. I cried myself to sleep and he woke me up later saying he was sorry and told me about how he and his bother have been diagnosed with Bi Polar disorder. Some reason i can't go, even though i came out with a huge knot on my forehead, a swollen jaw, bruised nose, bleeding and bruises on my chest, multiple bruises on my arms and blood shot eyes/cheeks
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Whoa, bi-polar disorder? What the hell is that? He is mentally ill, he has gone mad. Its just a medical term for being mad. There is no cure for this, the problem just aggrevates with age and stress. You better go far away from him before he kills you in his seizure. And i mean really far away where he can't find you in one of his rages.
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I am so sorry about all of this. Yes, unfortunately no matter how much you may love him and care for him this relationship is extremely dangerous, and it would be best that you leave him. My mother was in an abusive relationship, and I used to come home thinking that she wasn't going to be there anymore. Let me tell you that it's extremely hard on everyone. Understand, that bi-polar or not he is endangering you, and could kill you even by accident if he hit you, or throws you the wrong way. Your life is, as dramatic as this might sound, at stake. The reason why he may physically attack you is because he feels out of control. When you left, he felt insecure, and so when he beat you he felt that he had complete control over you, so that made him feel like he had all the power. He used fear, and your love for him to manipulate you into letting you feel exactly the way he feels inside.
Let me tell you HE HAS NO CONTROL OVER YOU. You have all the control, and power, and you're the hero in your own destiny. Not him. You have to much self respect, and love for yourself and you shouldn't have to put up with this, and you should be very proud that you sought help on your own.
You may love him, be afraid to leave, or feel that something is holding you back, but please for your own life, and for those who truly love you, not just someone who wants get a power trip of physical abuse, you must not be afraid, and you must take a chance. So if you do choose to leave, and remember this is your choice, you know what's best for you, I suggest you must first reach out to a friend or family member, let them no what's going on. But be extremely calm, and quite about it. This needs to be someone you can trust with your life. You need to tell them that you need to stay with them for a while, and I'm sorry, but you have to call the police. Not only for your protection, because he will not come after you if you have protection, but also because he has assaulted you so he has broken the law.
When you do reach out to that someone make sure you leave when he's not around. He may be going out, or going to work, but make sure that he has no idea what's going on, and he'll be gone for at least an hour. You leaving should take 15 minutes max. Do this as quickly and calmly as possible. Don't pack anything openly, but make sure you know where any essentials, such as prescription drugs, or any passport/ bankcards, exactly they are. So just grab them and go. Don't worry about toiletries, or clothes. Those are all replaceable. So pack very lightly, even so much that it looks like you're not going anywhere.
Make sure you leave and maybe right before you're leaving or after you could call the police, or call 1−800−799−SAFE(7233) or TTY 1−800−787−3224. It's the National Domestic Violence Hotline. The police may escort him off the property, and bring him in for questioning. Please, make sure you are safe and with someone when this is going on.
Once you are safe and away from him, you can choose to speak with either a councilor, mentor, or therapist to help you not only get over him, but keep him far away from you and your life. There are plenty of groups that you can turn to support one another, and remember you are totally not alone. You have a lot more love around you then you think, and are extremely strong.
But again this all lies within your hands, so weather you choose to leave him, or not is up to you. But let me tell you again, be very proud that you spoke up! I am very proud that you sought help yourself, instead of staying quiet!
Best Wishes, Good Luck & Stay Safe!
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