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am I overreacting?
My boyfriend went to a party last weekend and I stayed home under the impression that it was a boys night. Well last night I got nosy and looked through his phone. Come to find out I was invited and he told his friend that he was leaving me at home because I was a party pooper. When his friend asked how he proceeded to tell him that I don't drink, I don't know how to socialize, and that I would just cling to him all night and he didn't need all that shit. My feelings are extremely hurt. He has never even been to a party with me and I am one of the most sociable and independent people. I'm confused as to why he feels this way about me. We have only been together for three months. It is not serious on my end yet but he has made it clear that it is for him. This situation makes me want to leave him. I feel as if I deserve someone who won't talk about me like that. Am I overreacting or do I have sound cause to be upset?
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Firstly, you must realize that there are most likely trust issues in your relationship, as you felt the need to look through his phone. However I do not begrudge you for this, as I would have done the same in your situation. You must also ask yourself what you think the real reason he doesn't want you to go to the same parties as him is? Is he doing something he doesn't want you to know about? All I would say you can do is sit down with him and tell him how you feel, it may be hard, but if you do it in person, you are more likely to get truthful answers from him. Maybe don't tell him you looked through his phone as this could lead to him trying to place blame on you, when he is clearly the one in the wrong. Just tell him you'd like to go to parties with him and have a good time, and if hes not happy with that, then he's not worth your time. Hope everything works out!
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I'm going to be blunt. First, yes, you do have cause to be upset. However, he will too when you confront him about it. Snooping through his phone, in his eyes, will show that he was right about you clinging. I'm married, my husband's best friend is a woman, and I don't look at his text messages unless he asks me to.
If you are still not sure if you want to be serious, and you already have trust issues that you can't handle with honesty yourself, this is not the relationship for you.
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Yes, You do have a right to be upset and you're not overreacting. He has no right to tell his friends stuff like that about you, especially if you're in a relationship. He lied. I think you should tell him what you saw and let him try to talk his way out of it... I know its not serious but this is a big no no already and you definitely don't want it to get worse.
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You need to talk to him. You've got a big problem here, although it might not be the issue either of you think it is. You aren't overacting, but you are 'reacting' to exactly the wrong issue.
YOU thinks he's over invested and serious.
HE thinks you are clingy and dependant.
One, or both of you, is out of touch with what's really going on here.
You are right that you deserve someone who doesn't talk about you (or think about you) in that way.
He also deserves someone who doesn't get nosy and go through his personal messages.
But those issues can be dealt with and moved on from. The big problem is that you are clearly not on the same page about what you want from the relationship, or about what is actually happening. If you want to be with him, you've got to get on the same page, and that means talking about how you see each other and what you want from each other.
If you don't want to be with him, then just end it.
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