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Should He Say Something?
Hey! 19/f
So my boyfriend and I are doing the whole (kind of) long distance relationship thing. It's not bad because he goes to school an hour and a half away and I see him every two or three weeks. It's been working out really well and I'm so proud of him.
Anyways, recently this girl has been giving him a lot of really obnixious attention, hinting that she likes him... to the point where it's driving me insane. I'll give you a few examples.
The first thing that happened was when she admitted to him being funny and charming... which is fine. I get it, my boyfriend is amazing, I know i'm not the only one who thinks that. Is it weird she said it? Yes. But he ignored it and then when I came up a week later, he went to introduce me and she cut him off and said "HI." to me really nasty and walked away. Later on apparently she put on a really slutty outfit and all this makeup and was looking for me.
A few things happened here and there... she came into his room hysterical crying one night and tried to get him to comfort her, she always tries to touch his hair, she left him notes on microsoft word and hacked his facebook when he let her use his laptop for homework,... etc.
Then one night he was telling a story about us and she was there, and when he said "My girlfriend" She made a face and went "Oh.... You have a girlfriend." And he told me that he makes a point to bring me up as much as he can, so she definatley knew... not to mention when I came up to visit.
Then she said "Come here and rub my neck for me, I think you should do things for me more." He said that all night she had been laughing really loud at his jokes, but he always just ignored her or said no and walked away.
This is when I got really pissed. Who the hell does this girl think she is? I trust my boyfriend with all my heart, but that doesn't mean that stupid things like this won't infuriate me.
Then last weekend... I kind of gave him a hickey on his neck unintentionally, and when he went back to school I guess she saw. She said "Oh do you want another one?", now she walks around calling him handsome and saying really weird things to him.
This is the part where I need help...
During all of this, I didn't hide the fact that I was upset and told him how i felt. I feel that if this progresses he should say something to her... but he feels that the only time he should do that would be if she ever cornered him and tried to pull something. I think that even if she's not throwing herself at him, her talking to him like that is unacceptable and it makes me really uncomfortable. I mean, something new happens every day. If it's not a big deal I dont usually get worked up about it, but I can only let so much slide before I explode... It's so frustrating! I friended her on facebook, a sort of indirect way of saying "back off"- but it didn't really do anything. I'm not the type of girl to start drama or anything, but this is seriously ticking me off! It's like this is never going to end.
I'm really upset and he doesn't see this as a big deal because he says that nothing will ever get in the way of us, and i know that. But honestly, i am so unbelievably uncomfortable knowing that she is always around him because they have the same friends. He says that he's just been giving her the cold shoulder and being kind of a jerk- but i need to know-
How should I react when something else happens?
Do you think he should say something if this continues/progresses? or would it just draw attention?
Advice? I need second opinions, thankyou so much!
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I have gone through that one. Not trying to throw a bad idea, but one of my ex boyfriends used to tell me those type of stories, they were true, and he told me the same reason why he wouldn't say anything, and I found out he liked being chased like that otherwise he would have said something about it, and well the kid ended up cheating on me, in another words, men are simple, he knows he's leading her on and he likes it. I think I would think about this, but I would sit down and relax, to find a way to talk to him about the issue of him leading her on which is a fact, but when you talk to him, try to predict what would he say next so you won't take by surprise and have better things to say.
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Woah, hold on a minute!
Listen, I get that the girl giving your boyfriend so much attention makes you feel insecure. But let's not get into lashing out and saying that she's "slutty" for it. She is merely competing for his affection like you are. On a rational basis, all you can do is leave it up to him to fend her off. Really, he should just tell her to keep walking, but he's either too chicken to do so (afraid of her causing a scene maybe and looking like the bad guy in the transaction?) or he thinks it helps keep you on the straight and narrow since it is being proven he is apparently a high value male.
Yeah, all women are in competition with each other and some even get a thrill out of stealing other girl's boyfriends. But the guy has to allow himself to be wooed away. Otherwise, there ain't jack she can do about it.
My question at the outset of your question, though, was why aren't you guys seeing more of each other even though you're only an hour and a half away? That is not a great distance unless you don't have available transportation. Then you're kind of stuck. The natural fact is that absence makes the heart grow horny.
Thus, my advice to you is twofold: one, make more of an effort to get together at least 2-3 times a week to keep giving your relationship an intimacy booster shot.
Two, relationships are based on trust. Your boyfriend cannot control how this girl feels about him and neither can you. All you can do is trust him until he proves he is no longer worthy of it.
There are two gambits you can do for number two, though: A) Demand your boyfriend tell her in no uncertain terms to get lost or B) just look at this as one of those nettlesome things that sometimes crops up in a relationship and let the chips fall where they may. At the very least, if your boyfriend weakens, you'll know that he may not make the best marriage partner in the world and then you have some choices to make. In a perverse way, you can see this adversity as a way to learn something about your boyfriend's character. But don't bite his head off about it for now until he actually does something that he deserves being yelled at for. Otherwise, you punish him for not doing anything bad, which is screwy to say the least.
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You have every right to be upset about this situation. Your man needs to stick up for you guys. He is doing a pretty good job at giving her the cold shoulder but he really does need to say something to make sure he gets his point across. I think that you need to tell your boyfriend how you really feel about the whole situation. It is not good to keep your feelings inside, you need to get them out. He needs to know how bad this is hurting you. I think that if you show him how upset you are about the whole thing than he will definately say something to this girl to get her to back off. She is already showing a huge interest in him why let it get any worse? He needs to step up. Also, she is acting like she is coming after you. You don't want that. Get away from this girl. A possibility is that you and your boyfriend can both talk to her, maybe that will get the point across that he is YOUR man not hers.
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I don't wanna humiliate the girl or anything but seriously , she is way off the limits and if i were you , i would've raged more haha but really , this girl ain't giving up on him and seems to me she'll do anything to have this guy by the examples you said . Too much already and she needs to know the boundaries but somehow , you also need to mind the head over the heart . Don't take actions straight from the heart . Anyway , about this girl fellow , maybe she's acting in such a way because she has problems or maybe she's just too lonely or her family doesn't care about her (maybe) so that's why she is always seeking attention from your guy but still , whatever she's attempting isn't nice and things need to change and you gotta be grateful cause you have a loyal man there lucky you :) and don't worry . If a guy really loves you , nothing will make him leave but if he doesn't have the heart for you anymore , nothing will make him stay but to me , you could just trust your guy for now . Okay , if something bad occurs (caused be the girl) , you just need to control your anger . Don't fight fire with fire . If you start to raise your voice to her , then you guys might fight and that would be humiliating . Maintain your class and when she's trying to make you jealous or real mad , act like you don't care . Just keep on being nice because that is the best thing to do , trust me . Make sure your relationship is strong enough to repel her or anyone else but always , always , always keep calm . Let the problematic ones know that you are tough and won't easily give up and i don't know how to say this nicely , but dude , if she's always around him , then let him know what to do and from now , start being really strong . 10x stronger than now , seriously because your patience is being tested and i've been there and i know how excruciating the pain is . Look , anything can change so that's why you need to be brave enough yo face anything including the worst and yes , he should defend the relationship if things go worse . Also , never get into a fight with him . There's something about it so you need to act as if this girl who's trying to allure him doesn't exist and think positive about everyone , no matter how bad they are . Don't let this mess affect you seriously , because you will suffer later . Don't worry ! Just be yourself all the time and be cool and know when to speak up smartly . Being yourself is the coolest and don't let this girl hurt your heart .
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