|
I'm with a guy but i like another guy.
I have a boyfriend that i have been with for a year, but he has always been controlling and i went out with him shortly after i got out of a 2 year relationship. Throughout the relationship i am in right now my mind has always went back to the other relationship. It ended so randomly. It has been so hard to deal with the whole time. I'm sure people will just say stay with the bf you have ,but honeslty i don't want to be stuck with him for the rest of my life.I wouldn't get in a relationship right after but i really want to be with the guy from the past. It's hard to explain, sorry this is so confusing. I just need help now.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Thank you everyone! The bf i was with we ended up breaking up and now i'm talking to the old one but i told him i can't be in a relationship yet i need time to find myself.
]
I think what's happened here is that you used your current boyfriend as a rebound to get over your last boyfriend. Now you say that you don't want to spend your life with him, so what is the use continuing this relationship? It is very hard to get over someone that you have been with for two years and you got into this relationship too fast and unconciously what you're probably doing is comparing your current boyfriend to the old one and that's what's making you miss him. If your ex still has feelings for you you should try to resolve your relationship, if not. You really need to leave this guy you're with as he's under another impression and that would be playing with his feelings
]
Here's what you did in short: You dated a guy and felt secure until something unexpected happened. Finding yourself without him and needing the security and love of a relationship you settled for this other guy to take his place. You made this choice subconciously.
It turns out this new guy is a bit of an SOB and that you really don't have love for one another and it isn't right. Now, that you have realized this fact you need to be responsible and tell the guy it's over.
The next thing you need to do is NOT get involved with anyone yet. Figure out what you truly need rather than want in a relationship before getting into this kind of rebound guy thing again--which is what he was and you didn't see at the time. Make sure your next beau if someone who treats you right and has all the right qualities than get involved. You have to take a mental inventory of what works in a relationship, what you did wrong, and what you won't settle for.
I know you still love the first boyfriend you mentioned and that 2 years is a long time when you're a teen to be together. You have to celebrate what was great about that relationship at the time and then accept what happened that ended it. Unless there's a way to repair what led to the breakup both of you will wind up in the same place inevitably as before. The behaviors leading to it have to change for any success.
It's normal for it to take a while to mourn a loss like that but if it's been 6 months and you have had another relationship something's wrong and you need to move on as it's not healthy and likely the other person has moved on too.
You need to find someone you can talk to about this and relationships in general and what you need and all of these feelings so you can move forward. It doesn't mean you are crazy but perhaps seeing a therapist will help you figure out the right approach for life after the first and second guy.
The other thing morally is that you have to tell guy number 2 it's not working rather than continue in something futile as he's going to get hurt controlling or not when dumped. Don't drag that out when you know it's going to happen. You can't keep up trying to love someone you don't and do not want to be with.
To sum things up: Get out of your current relationship pronto before either side is severely hurt. 2) WAIT! Figure out who you are, where you are going and what you want in a relationship before starting a new one or reviving an old one. 3) Realize that something led to the breakup of the 2 year relationship and either learn from that or find a way to repair it before even thinking about it. 4)Realize that your former partner may have moved on and expected that of you so you don't get hurt. 5)Above all else get a therapist involved so you can figure out difficult feelings about love, what you need and where you need as well as shouldn't go.
]
Why don't you talk to the other guy in the past ? Follow your heart . You know you don't want to be with your current one , but think about your feelings really hard .
]
More Questions: |