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what do i do??suicide, depression keeps getting worse
i am 14 years old,female. my parents have been separted for 3 years, divorced for exactly 2. i didnt really realize that my dad was abusive towards me until a few months ago. he is a narcissist to the maxxxxxxxxx like no joke. he is very smart with numbers and facts and so he tries to twist EVRYTHING around and make it seem something differnt to benefit HIM. i went out to dinner with him to tell him how I feel not him, and all he kept talking was himself, me, me, me. and im sick of it. he uses self pity, manipulation, denial, lying, everything. i have 4 other syblings, my older sister doesnt even see my dad becasue she knows what a psycho he is. my little brother doesnt even "care" or so he says about havign a father right now becasue my dad hasnt seen or talked to him since fathers days. and that is what gets me most mad, i am a very protective sibling and im a straight shooter and have no problem with confronting people and so i was like wtf is going on? you dont feel like you should talk to him..like at all? but listen to this..he goes no im very hurt that HE (my little brother) hasnt texted me its very upsetting..im like are you fucking out of your mind? your the father like get ur shit together and be a father. and i told him the other day basically a fuck you that he doesnt care about anyone but himself and all he said was sorry you feel that way..like really? and i cant go back to seing him its such a toxicccccc relationship and i feel so much better not seeing him.BUT i was sooo stressed out because my dad being the narc that he is ALWAYS put me in the middle between me and my mom wanted me to pick sides and to go back and forth and its just such bullshit im so over him really. but over the 3 years i've lost frends, grades went down oyu name it, and this year of freshman year means a lot to me, and i want to do good, and i knew the first step was letting him go. i guess the hardest part was admitting that how i feel when i see him and when i dont, my feeling dont change, i still feel like i dint have a father. but i have to deal with that on my own and learn to accept it. so it's just affected me in
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talk to a counselor and see what that counselor can do for you a counselor at school or a counselor at a doctors office i believe they will investigate and no no matter what that gods on youre side and he loves you and respects you and wants you to live a long life you can also go talk to a pastor of a church to see how he can help you to
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Dude, you're 14, you have your whole life ahead of you. Just tell him how it is.
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My brilliant answer is to not try to commit suicide! This is much more spiritual as it is physical. Ugh I sound like a religious fanatic.(I'm not religious at all-nor atheist). By reading your entry I concluded that you're an analytical person- a.k.a pretty smart in your thinking. You are strong and I respect you for that and the fact that you're a protective sibling. You are so right not to take anti- depressants.They do fuck (excuse my French) people up and you'll probably end up more depressed than ever. I have to say the teenage years are the toughest years of one's life. I just turned 17 and now going back to when I started being a teenager ..I have to say those were tough years; a lot of misunderstandings..but mostly I figured that was from my part. Now that I'm almost over my teenage phase, I'll be glad to say "I made it out alive". Just keep an open-mind, find new interests, find a fun harmless obsession, concentrate in school, and propose to yourself that you don't need a boyfriend; like most girls think they do...you'll just put more 'heavy loads on your back' ..This is my fist time on this website and I found it by chance. I had no intentions of signing up for it until I read the heading of your story at the right column and read your story. I felt it was important for you to read this and for you to know that I strongly recommend not hurting yourself in any way. I never felt the need more to tell someone that. You are my fellow sister and I hope in the end you'll understand life a little better. :)
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my dad is like this as wwell.im the oldest 13 and expected to do everything in the house.i have deppression and anxietty and struggle with self mutalatin,and he will fucking make sure i know im worthless.ive tried suicide twice,its not the answer,and staerted therapy.i barley see him now,and its helpful,mayby you should viset less becouse he is rude to you.DO NOT GET ON ANTIDEPPRESSANTS.side affects arent worth it.try journaling,becouse thats something you can rely on to always be there.
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I am so sorry you are being treated this way by your dad. I know how you feel. It took me much longer and an a disabling auto accident to learn what you have learned at such a young age.
I am old enough to be your grandfather so I am going to slip into that role in answering you. There is an answer for you and it is not suicide.
Let's start with your concern with your father keeping up his health insurance for you and your siblings. While I understand your concern this really isn't something you should be concerned about. As part of your parents divorce the courts will have ordered him to keep up his insurance both health and life. He may have divorced your mother. He can't divorce his children. By law he is responsible for you until you reach the age of 18. Possible longer if you go to college. So this would be a concern for your mother, not you and there is remedy at law for this if for some reason he has not kept the insurance up.
That being said; you have put yourself under a lot of stress. Stress breeds depression. While I am not a doctor I can see in what you have written a number of the stressors that would indicate you could be suffering from depression. You need to see a doctor and be properly screened and treated for depression if found.
Your concern for antidepressants is valid. Today though there are some medications that doctors can prescribe for those under 18 that do not have the side effects you are concerned about. Like any other antidepressant the administration of them must be monitored by the proper doctor and the patient, you, should be in therapy with a psychologist to learn just what is the primary stressors causing the depression and how to deal with it.
All of this will be covered under health insurance. If for some reason your father is not paying for his heath insurance. There is a safety net program designed to provide medical care for children.
I can't tell you whether you should continue to see your father or not. I just don't have the medical knowledge to make that recommendation. What I can tell you is this is something you need to discuss with your therapist. One thing to remember is that now that you are 14 you have medical confidentiality under a federal law known as HIPPA. Nothing you say to or are treated for by any Medical Professional, this includes paramedics and EMTS, can be told to anyone without your written permission. This includes anything discussed in therapy.
This means you can say anything you want to your therapist. Tell him or her your deepest secrets and it stays between you. It has to for therapy to work.
My advice is to see a doctor. Since you are 14; under the same law you don't need parental permission to see a doctor. Ask the doctor to screen you for depression then follow the doctors advice.
If you are feeling suicidal at any time pick up the phone and dial 911, help will be sent to you.
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Your dad sounds a lot like my mom. She manages to turn everything around into how it affects her. When I tried to kill myself, she told our entire family and most of her friends so she could get sympathy, and keeps telling me that I hurt her and that she needs support through these tough times. It's so frustrating.
All you can do is ignore it. You don't need your dad's support, I know it's tough but you can do it on your own. Try talking to your sister more about how she manages without him, and maybe you two can help each other. About the depression, I'm currently taking Prozac and it is helping, however medicine is tricky. It only works on the chemical level, but you know that it's the medicine that's happy and not you. Goodluck, if you ever need help contact me at smile.xyz@gmail.com
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wow, that must be tough. I wish I could say I know what your going through, but I can't cause i don't know what your going through. what I can understand tho is the depression cause im going through that too. what I do is I keep a journal, I write down all my feelings to try to make myself feel better. I'm also considering going to see a therapist.. u should consider that too (: , I'm not gonna tell you to be strong cause I know that it's hard but you can try too . I hope you start to feel a lot better soon .
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