i am 14 years old,female. my parents have been separted for 3 years, divorced for exactly 2. i didnt really realize that my dad was abusive towards me until a few months ago. he is a narcissist to the maxxxxxxxxx like no joke. he is very smart with numbers and facts and so he tries to twist EVRYTHING around and make it seem something differnt to benefit HIM. i went out to dinner with him to tell him how I feel not him, and all he kept talking was himself, me, me, me. and im sick of it. he uses self pity, manipulation, denial, lying, everything. i have 4 other syblings, my older sister doesnt even see my dad becasue she knows what a psycho he is. my little brother doesnt even "care" or so he says about havign a father right now becasue my dad hasnt seen or talked to him since fathers days. and that is what gets me most mad, i am a very protective sibling and im a straight shooter and have no problem with confronting people and so i was like wtf is going on? you dont feel like you should talk to him..like at all? but listen to this..he goes no im very hurt that HE (my little brother) hasnt texted me its very upsetting..im like are you fucking out of your mind? your the father like get ur shit together and be a father. and i told him the other day basically a fuck you that he doesnt care about anyone but himself and all he said was sorry you feel that way..like really? and i cant go back to seing him its such a toxicccccc relationship and i feel so much better not seeing him.BUT i was sooo stressed out because my dad being the narc that he is ALWAYS put me in the middle between me and my mom wanted me to pick sides and to go back and forth and its just such bullshit im so over him really. but over the 3 years i've lost frends, grades went down oyu name it, and this year of freshman year means a lot to me, and i want to do good, and i knew the first step was letting him go. i guess the hardest part was admitting that how i feel when i see him and when i dont, my feeling dont change, i still feel like i dint have a father. but i have to deal with that on my own and learn to accept it. so it's just affected me in
wow, that must be tough. I wish I could say I know what your going through, but I can't cause i don't know what your going through. what I can understand tho is the depression cause im going through that too. what I do is I keep a journal, I write down all my feelings to try to make myself feel better. I'm also considering going to see a therapist.. u should consider that too (: , I'm not gonna tell you to be strong cause I know that it's hard but you can try too . I hope you start to feel a lot better soon .
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Hey everyone! I hope the past month has been nice to all of you :D
I have a problem with opening up to people. No matter who it is -- friends, who I'm supposed to be the most open with, and pretty much, just people in general. I don't know how to trust them enough to tell them my deepest darkest secrets. I want to be able to have a bunch of inside jokes with my friends. But how am I supposed to do that if I'm not even comfortable with talking to them about the things that bother me?
For example, yesterday in class, my teacher asked all of us what we wanted to do when we grew up. When she got to me, I said one of my other career paths that I really don't think I would have the patience to do, which is to be a vet. She asked me what were the other things that I would rather do other than that. I was about to say, "Ever since I was 8, I have wanted to be an actress." But when I tried to say it, I literally choked. Now, keep in mind I am not a shy person, at all, or am I ashamed of my plans in the future, but for some reason, when I try to speak my mind, I either forget what I was going to say (no joke) or I choke. I don't know if this is a reflex or just a deep down fear of sharing my thoughts, but it's not letting me speak my mind!
I don't know for how long this has been going on, but long enough to drive me insane!
My mom also wants me to open up to her to, and I'm not trying to point fingers here or anything, but I'm sure now that she's the reason why. It all just came to me
My mom and Dad got divorced last December and I was left ignored, frustrated and extremely, and I mean extremely, angry, emotional, and vulnerable, but most of all, ANGRY. I was angry for 3 reasons: My mom never cared enough to tell me what was going on, instead I had to watch them argue over the same thing over and over again. 2- She never kept her promises, and 3- now when I try to tell her why I don't want to talk to her, she takes every opportunity to yell and scream at me, saying that I don't respect her. To tell you the truth, I don't anymore. She ignores whatever it is I have to say, interrupts me, and then she yells at me for interrupting her to say that she interrupted me. Then, 12 seconds later, and yes, I counted she tells me that she wants me to be able to tell her things that she does to bother me. She's playing with my emotions and I just don't know how to control them anymore.
My friends asked me today, what I was thinking about. I told them I would tell them when I am ready. I think that that day might not ever come. I'm afraid that they will do the same as my mother. I have so much to say, and I feel like if I try to talk to people about it, they won't understand, care, or even listen to me.
If anyone out there can help me, please do. I know that keeping everything inside is not healthy or the best way to handle my feelings, but I feel like if I try to speak, I will be once again ignored.
Thanks in advance to everyone who has anything that they think will help me. I'll appreciate anything that comes my way. I hope you all have a perfect day :)
awww that's terrible. I have the same problem :/ ... I'm not good at opening up to people, not even friends or family, instead I keep everything in and I cry myself to sleep at night cause I don't know what to do or who to tell my problems to. sometimes tho what helps is keeping a private journal, you can express your feelings in their until your ready to talk to someone, that's what I do and it really helps cause once I'm done writing I feel a little better, doing this is way better than trying to hold everything in. you should start the journal before you fall into some kind of depression. I think that I have /.\ it doesn't feel good at all, also what you can try is to write it down and then give it to someone so they can read it. it's a good way cause you don't really have to say anything. good luck ,
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