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I need help with being more open to people.
Hey everyone! I hope the past month has been nice to all of you :D
I have a problem with opening up to people. No matter who it is -- friends, who I'm supposed to be the most open with, and pretty much, just people in general. I don't know how to trust them enough to tell them my deepest darkest secrets. I want to be able to have a bunch of inside jokes with my friends. But how am I supposed to do that if I'm not even comfortable with talking to them about the things that bother me?
For example, yesterday in class, my teacher asked all of us what we wanted to do when we grew up. When she got to me, I said one of my other career paths that I really don't think I would have the patience to do, which is to be a vet. She asked me what were the other things that I would rather do other than that. I was about to say, "Ever since I was 8, I have wanted to be an actress." But when I tried to say it, I literally choked. Now, keep in mind I am not a shy person, at all, or am I ashamed of my plans in the future, but for some reason, when I try to speak my mind, I either forget what I was going to say (no joke) or I choke. I don't know if this is a reflex or just a deep down fear of sharing my thoughts, but it's not letting me speak my mind!
I don't know for how long this has been going on, but long enough to drive me insane!
My mom also wants me to open up to her to, and I'm not trying to point fingers here or anything, but I'm sure now that she's the reason why. It all just came to me
My mom and Dad got divorced last December and I was left ignored, frustrated and extremely, and I mean extremely, angry, emotional, and vulnerable, but most of all, ANGRY. I was angry for 3 reasons: My mom never cared enough to tell me what was going on, instead I had to watch them argue over the same thing over and over again. 2- She never kept her promises, and 3- now when I try to tell her why I don't want to talk to her, she takes every opportunity to yell and scream at me, saying that I don't respect her. To tell you the truth, I don't anymore. She ignores whatever it is I have to say, interrupts me, and then she yells at me for interrupting her to say that she interrupted me. Then, 12 seconds later, and yes, I counted she tells me that she wants me to be able to tell her things that she does to bother me. She's playing with my emotions and I just don't know how to control them anymore.
My friends asked me today, what I was thinking about. I told them I would tell them when I am ready. I think that that day might not ever come. I'm afraid that they will do the same as my mother. I have so much to say, and I feel like if I try to talk to people about it, they won't understand, care, or even listen to me.
If anyone out there can help me, please do. I know that keeping everything inside is not healthy or the best way to handle my feelings, but I feel like if I try to speak, I will be once again ignored.
Thanks in advance to everyone who has anything that they think will help me. I'll appreciate anything that comes my way. I hope you all have a perfect day :)
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awww that's terrible. I have the same problem :/ ... I'm not good at opening up to people, not even friends or family, instead I keep everything in and I cry myself to sleep at night cause I don't know what to do or who to tell my problems to. sometimes tho what helps is keeping a private journal, you can express your feelings in their until your ready to talk to someone, that's what I do and it really helps cause once I'm done writing I feel a little better, doing this is way better than trying to hold everything in. you should start the journal before you fall into some kind of depression. I think that I have /. it doesn't feel good at all, also what you can try is to write it down and then give it to someone so they can read it. it's a good way cause you don't really have to say anything. good luck ,
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I haven't ignored you, in fact I've read it over and over. You seem to have weighed-up the situation for yourself already. Despite our attempts to hide them away, unresolved issues will keep coming back to trouble us until they force us to confront them and find solutions. Unresolved they quickly become an 'anger bomb' ticking away in the background and likely to explode at any moment without warning. Intuively, you've realised that hiding a bomb away isn't a great way of dealing with it. You will not rest easy until it's defused and safe. To defuse it you must be like a detective, returning in your mind to the 'scene of the crime' and gathering new evidence each time. Until you have enough information, knowledge & self-knowledge to defuse that bomb. Now tell me, isn't that what you are doing already? Remember your mother is almost certainly struggling with an anger-bomb of her own right now. Talk to her. Don't simply blame her. You might have more in common than you think. I feel you'll both be returning to the same 'crime scene'. I'll make a confession now, I've given you a dose of Carl Gustav Jung, a brilliant Swiss psychologist. You don't think I worked that 'anger-bomb' stuff out for myself do you!!! You're on the right path already. Some carry these bombs about and never even identify them, so well done there. You have a great day too, and many more of them.
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