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she thinks I'm only using her
Okay this girl and I have a lot of problems... If it isn't her family then its trust... She thinks I'm using her for my own pleasure,, she doesn't believe in true love and happiness which makes things even harder. I've been in many relationships before,, abusive relationships,, relationships based on sex and relationships full of hate,, but the feelings I feel for her are new to me,, I've never felt this strong about anyone in my whole life and I do think that I've found true love... I'm not the type of guy that wants sex and stuff,, its been 1 of my biggest dreams to find that one special girl that I can love and who'll love me in return. I tried explaining to her that I'm not using her but she has trust issues and the more I try to show her that I'm only doing this for the love the more I'm complicating things... I took me 3 years to get to this stage,, we had our first kiss a couple of weeks ago. I was her first kiss and her first "boyfriend-like person"... I don't know how to convince her that I'm not using her. The thing with her parents is complicated because if they find out that we're seeing each other then they'll do to her what they did the last time a guy tried to get into a relationship with her... Her parents are very hard to please,, they don't allow dating because they want her to finish school before she gets into a serious relationship. I'm trying to respect her parents wishes but I'm moving out of town next year to go to college which means that I must wait a whole year for her to finish school first before we can do anything. At the moment we're not dating but we are kinda seeing each other which is complicated. I do love her and I'm trying to show her that I'm not using her,, I'm trying to keep this a secret because if her parents find out about anything then they'll make sure she doesn't see me again and that she doesn't have contact with me... They'll ground her till she's done with school for the year and by that time it'll be too late. I don't know if we should try this long distance thing because in my experience it never lasts... PLEASE SOMEONE HELP ME!!!! I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO ANYMORE!!!! :'(
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Her parents are abusers. By impeding her ability to make her own decisions they are impeding her growth as a human being. They are effectively infantilizing her and her basically being canned up all the time with no romantic outlet has perhaps resulted in a feeling that she either doesn't deserve to have a real boyfriend or she has been told since early puberty that boys will just try to use her as a playtoy. Her parents should be arrested for what they are doing to that poor girl.
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Your the same guy who asked me before. I guess it got worse.
I will guess she got trust issues because of her parents. She can't trust that a guy will be with her because she's afraid her parents will do what they always do & break it up.
Sorry but she is living with them and until she leaves HS & goes away there's nothing to do about it. Your moving away to college & being with her wouldn't help anyways because she'll just keep doubting the relationship & think you'll be cheating. That's not good for a girl to think about . . . That her bf is cheating on her that apparently she's not good enough.
The best thing for you to do is just move on. You'll find someone. your life just started your going to college. You'll learn what true love is and you'll understand the sacrifices you will have to make.
If you truly love her you will say your good byes and just move to college & she'll be able to move on with her life too. She's not ready for committed relationship & by the looks of it neither are you. You don't trust in long distance relationships. Which means its time to let go.
If you guys are meant to be God will put you guys together when the time is rite. But rite now you guys need to find your own life and love & move on. As hard as it may be that's just what you have to do. Just end things off now on a good note and go to college with no bad tensions between the both of you.
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Well, what does one say?
You obviously need to speak to her regarding the trust thing. If there is no trust in a relationship, then it will obviously not work. If she doesn't trust you, then there is nothing you can really do. You've already tried explaining it to her, but it still hasn't worked.
With her parents, you don't really give your ages. If she is a child, then she has to live by her parents' rules. They are looking out for her best interest: to finish school which will set her up for life, and not get distracted by silly relationships that won't last. You need to understand and respect this.
But you seem to be way over yourself on this. You say that you're not even dating, but you love her? Maybe you should cool off a little, and give her some time and space about what to do. If she doesn't want to be with you, then you have to accept that to: it could go either way.
But my advice: give it a rest. You're at the beginning of your life. You say that you're desperate to find that perfect girl - she obviously is not her. Your desperation has led you to believe that she is the one. She's in school, and you're moving away. You're both going to find more and more people that you will meet, and get with.
So long distance? No. But I think you should definitely speak to her about the trust. If it's not going to work out, then you may have to just cut your loss, and move on. Spend your last year here enjoying yourself and meeting new people. Let her enjoy school, and the life that comes after it.
Hope this isn't too harsh for you. Good luck.
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