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Why am I so afraid of getting emotionally close with other people and how d
I start getting to know someone and once we have a connection and even if I really like them, then at one point I stop trying to talk to them and start avoiding them and abruptly stop talking. and then time goes on and then I feel guilty over not talking to them and then more time goes on and then I feel more guilty but at the same time feel like I can't just start talking like I used to because I think they'd be wondering why I'd stopped communicating with them in the first place. it's like a vicious cycle. I don't have any close friends right now and I hate it because I want to be close to someone and go to parties and movies and etc. and not just be on the computer but then why am I doing this to myself? I feel like I self sabotage myself in so many ways and I don't understand why, when people are supposed to be doing things in their best interests. I've been this way for the past couple of years and it only gets worse and worse. I'm starting college this year and I'm afraid if I'll let this screw things up in college too (with regards to relationships with others and grades)
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Maybe give some free advice about: Mental health?
You have a social phobia. It's a lot more common than you think. You might look into seeing a therapist. If you can't afford one, there may be books available that can help you work through it. It's not anything you're doing to yourself. So it's not necessary to play the blame game.
Human beings are rather fear driven folks. This can manifest itself in a variety of ways when it gets a little out of hand and your symptoms are one expression of that. There are millions with your problem. Curing it is just a matter of reframing in your own mind how you view interacting with your fellow human being. So look into resources that are available for your problem (religion, by the way, ain't one of those solutions).
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You sound just like me i was like this through out High School. Im going to college this fall too. I will always run away from people i like and sometimes my friends too. I had to learn to stop doing that.
It just means were scared to get close because we don't want to get hurt. You probably got hurt in the past and build up a wall and everytime you feel like your getting to close you put up a brick wall and the red light comes on. It's hard to let someone in trust me. Im still learning. But i learn that your going to get hurt no matter what.. Letting people in not letting people in. Either way you'll get hurt by having no friends and being all alone or with friends and they do something and backstab you.
You have to have faith that everyone is not out to hurt you. The way i learn is that i can either block people and have no friends or let people in and learn that not everyone is going to hurt me. That it's okay to still have a green light up even if im getting to close to someone and i get scared. That's part of life your supposed to be scared. It just means you have a conscience unlike some people who don't care what happens to them.
Instead of putting up a block as soon as you get scared just put up a yellow light to help you slow down. So then you can still be open but in a more cautious way. College is a bigger place than HS so you'll be able to experience it and learn what to do when it comes.
Hope i helped and good luck you'll b great :)
You can e-mail me for more help if you need it
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I've met many people like this, so no worries, it's not just you. I have a milder case of this problem. My guess is that you've built an emotional wall up because you've either gotten hurt or back-stabbed so many times in life. If there isn't a catalyst in your past to trigger this problem, than it's just part of who you are. The best thing you can do is teach yourself to trust. If you're not good at reading people, then it's more difficult to determine who you can and can't trust, but that's the whole deal of making relationships. Relationships are ALWAYS a gamble. Don't be afraid to take risks. Almost every person I've let into my life has let me down, and boy does it hurt. But when I sit there and ponder, it was always their loss, not mine. Trust me, when fate decides to have its way, it'll kick into your brain and your brain will tell you to keep this person in your life. College is a big change and people are different as well. More mature, and more trusting. Your situation will get easier as you meet a bigger diversity of people, even people like yourself. Hakuna matata.
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