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Why did he stop talking to me??


Question Posted Wednesday August 8 2012, 9:33 pm


So...I have a guy-friend who I've developed feelings for...(I'm putting this in the "friendship" category because he is taken, and I've made it clear to him that I have no intention of trying to break them up, I just think me liking him might be relevant in some way)

Anyways...after he asked me whether or not I liked him, he told me it was okay and that he understood and that we would still be friends...we talked, texted, hung out quite a bit...and then he just stopped. He vaguely told me he was upset about something, but nothing more...I've tried to break the ice a few times, but I have not been badgering him or making him feel like he is obligated to me or anything...I DID tell him he could talk to me about it if he wanted, but has said nothing to me at all ever since.

What the heck?! We were getting along so well. It just sort of...happened. One day we were hanging out, and then he just stopped all contact with me. I really miss him. =( I never put any "moves" on him unless we were jokingly flirting with each other...but I do that with a lot of my platonic guy friends...I honestly don't think there was anything I did wrong, but perhaps some of you might have experienced something similar? Please tell me what would cause this kind of behavior...


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stephanieheartsyou answered Tuesday August 14 2012, 11:46 pm:
First, no guy who likes you enough to date you will be afraid of losing the friendship, because you'll be worth taking the risk.
I honestly just think it's the issue of a jealous girlfriend, and that happens. But when he gets over his relationship peak, he'll realize who was really there and who wasn't. Most likely he felt himself developing feelings, and it's probably a good thing that he stopped talking to you, so that the feelings wouldn't grow. I saw it's a good thing because then you know he's a TRULY loyal guy. If the shoes were switched between you and his girlfriend, I'm sure you wouldn't want your boyfriend developing feelings for another girl, and even though sometimes it's inevitable, you would feel secure and proud that he took the responsibility and self-control to keep loyalty. And that is a trait of a keeper. In the end his psycho jealous girlfriend will be long gone, and most likely it'll open his eyes to whose the true keeper.
Goodluck!

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VoiceofReason answered Saturday August 11 2012, 10:30 am:
He decided that he was wasting his time and decided to cut the cord. Look, it is just about impossible for guys and girls to truly be friends unless the guy is gay. He wanted to get with you and once he was sure you weren't going to come across he split. That's how guys operate. Lesson learned.

Remember this analogy: guys are target oriented. Women are process driven. When he couldn't acquire the target frustration set in and he ultimately bailed.

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clarayow answered Thursday August 9 2012, 1:51 pm:
Hi,

I assumed that when you said "Anyways...after he asked me whether or not I liked him, he told me it was okay and that he understood and that we would still be friends", it meant that he is aware that you do like him.

I have had such experience b4; with me being in your position, and also with me being in the position of your guy friend.

From my personal experience. I feel that he is avoiding you because of a few possibilities

1) His gf doesn't like the idea of you two hanging out together. Athough you may tell him that you have no intention of breaking them up, but sometimes, such words do not provide assurance to his gf. Put yourself in his gf's shoes: would you like it if your bf had a friend who was like you?

2) He doesnt want to risk falling in love with you because with more time spent together, the deeper and more complicated a relationship goes. It may be possible for him to be okay with it now, but he might've felt that he doesn't want to risk losing his current relationship or that he doesn't want to risk being stranded in a situation where he has to choose between two girls.

I would think that its best if you let him think through it and leave him be for now first. If he is ready to contact you, he will do so. After a while has passed and if you still have not heard from him since, you could drop him a friendly hi and ask him wats' up, and see how he reacts and you go with the flow from there on.

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AngelsColumn answered Wednesday August 8 2012, 11:38 pm:
When guys like other girls when there dating they get scared and run away. That could be what he's doing. He's probably scared that you guys will get further into something & he don't want to hurt his GF. Yes nothing really "serious" happened with you guys but maybe he's thinking ahead. Like if you guys keep talking it'll get worst since you guys like each other. Give him some space and he'll start writing you again. He just confused & needs time to think. I'm sure he will hit you up though just be positive and hopeful

:)

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