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Coming out
19F
So the past few years I've slowly began to accept the fact I am interested in both men and women. Not a lot of people know this, only my best friend and my boyfriend know. I really would like to tell my family, because it sucks not being myself and hiding a part of who I am from them. My father is a huge religious nut, he is very strict and self righteous, which I don't mind, I mean, it's his life.
But, he always sits and bashes and says rude things about people of other orientations, saying it's a sick abomination, his work had a float in the LGBT pride parade, he was disgusted and refused to take part. I've been thinking of coming out and telling him, part of me likes to believe he'd become more lenient and accepting, but the other part of me knows he's be disgusted and disappointed in me, it scares me and I don't know what to do, it took me forever to tell the people I told and I just want to stop hiding.
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Hey,I think you should just go for it!Of course it won't be easy,but who said life was easy?Nothing we do is ever easy.You shouldn't have to pretend to be someone you're not,ever especially infront of your family.Your family and friends should be able to respect the decisions you make and support your decisions and lifestyle,as long as you choose how you want to live your life wisely.Go to your mom first,and see reaction,and explain to her how you truely feel,your 19,she needs to understand that you're an adult,and she can also help your dad cope with who you decided to be.After your parents know,telling the rest of the world should be easier because you know that no matter what happens you will always have your family to back you up.It won't be easy,and some people might be rude and judgemental,but you have to get back up and fight the criticism that you might get.Be strong,be you and don't ever try to be someone you're not.Goodluck.
A.I-
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First of all you are 19 legally an adult and entitled to your own life. With that comes a right to your own likes, dislikes, values and sexuality and sex life. While all of us can be judgemental at times we have no right to be judgemental of others and this includes your father. As long as you observe the laws of the land then your parents have raised you as required by society.
While you can choose to or not to observe the law. You have no control over who you are sexually. That has been programed in you from birth. You could say that since your fathers genes are floating around in you that he has as much part in who you are sexually as your mother has since we are all a 50/50 split of there genetic make up.
Will you win an argument or discussion with your father using this logic with him; probably not. His self righteousness won't allow him to accept this. So the question still remains how to tell him?
Briaden's thoughts of sending him a letter is not a bad idea but it only puts off the inevitable. Just what the inevitable will be is up for debate. As a parent I find it hard to believe he will just walk away from you. A parents love for a child is suppose to be unbreakable but I also know otherwise.
You can and should be prepared to make the argument that you are not broken, you are not sick that you are you. If you plan to marry and have children then you should tell him. There is really nothing wrong with being bi.
As I have said there is nothing wrong with being bi, it is who you are sexually. While I realize you would like to have your fathers acceptance and understanding of your sexuality; you don't needed it to be you. The worse thing you could do is try not to be what you are to please your father.
To be brutally honest, and speaking as a father. Knowing that your father may or will disapprove and to the extent his disapproval will go. I see no reason why you need to tell him. If he is not willing to live in the real world; you telling him of your sexuality will most likely hurt you and not change his mind. So why hurt yourself this way?
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I'm going to be honest, If your father doesn't except people of different backgrounds then he may have a hard time excepting yours.
I don't know how your relationship is with Mom or if you have any siblings that you could talk too. However, Your best bet is to maybe talk to someone who is close with both you and your father that may be a bit more excepting. Perhaps an Aunt or an Uncle you could talk too, Maybe the will be willing to sit down with you when you tell your father.
Another good way to tell him is to try and write a letter and leave it somewhere he can read it on his own time. What you can add to the letter if you decide to do so is; "I've wanted to tell you this for awhile now but I feared judgement, I did nor do I want you to be disappointed in me as I love you and you are my father but ____________ I hope you can accept me and who I am as a person. When you are ready I am hear to listen if you need or want to talk about this subject"
This gives your father time to think it over and hopefully come to terms with the situation. This always gives him time to think of what he will say.
Good luck
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