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Should I be concerned about my (black) brother using white avatars online?
He's 7, btw.
He occasionally plays on some virtual gaming site for kids, where people can create avatars of themselves, to roam the little "gaming world", with has other avatars. I noticed his character was white with blonde hair, while he is dark skinned with black/dark brown hair, as he comes from a West African family. We live in America, in a small town that's diverse, but predominantly white and asian (specifically, mostly indians and koreans).
Multiple times I'd suggested he make his avatar look like him, and he refused. Weeks later, I confronted him about it and kept pressing him about why he made his avatar look the way it does. He said that he made the avatar to be one of his closest friends, a white boy at school, and even named the character after him. But then I asked him why he couldn't let his friend make an avatar of himself, and he (my brother) make one of HIMself. Then he told me that he wouldn't fit in with the other avatars, who are apparently mostly white, because of him having a different color. He said that he wouldn't have the same friends if he made his character look like him. But I asked him why he thinks that, when in real life he has diverse friends (he tells me he's friends with all the boys in his class) and color isn't important to them, but he wouldn't give me an answer. I told him that he wouldn't want to be friends with anyone who thought skin color was important, but he still didn't budge.
So I have no idea where he's getting this from, because the website has a filter, so I doubt anything racist could have gotten through, and my family says no racist things (as we're not racist), which leads me to believe that he may have been negatively impacted by something at school, or possibly brainwashed by TV (which he watches too much) to feel insecure, somehow? I'm not sure.
After I talked to him he started to cry, but I'm not sure whether it's because I kept pestering him or if it was because I uncovered some hidden pain he felt about his skin color? I have no idea. I don't know whether I should tell my parents about this, either. I'm 18, and I just don't want my little brother to grow up feeling badly about his skin color, for no reason. I never even felt that way at his age. I liked looking different from most other kids, and appreciated all of our differences. I never even knew about any reason to not like my skin color at age 7, and even though I'm more aware of the world now, I still feel the same. I spent my formative years mostly in the Northeast (in a much bigger, and slightly more diverse town, of the same upper middle class socio-economic status), so I don't know if it makes a difference now that we're now in Texas.. I don't know what kids here have been taught at home. We even go to a diverse church, too, cause churches that are predominantly one race just aren't the most comfortable. I like church to be a reflection of the same people I see everyday, not for it to be some kind of escape from the real world, where there is a degree of diversity.
But I'm just worried for my brother. I just want him to have a good childhood and feel good about himself. I don't want him to believe any stereotypes and feel badly about something that has nothing to do with him, personally. He's only responsible for himself and his actions, and can do w/e he wants, regardless of how the media depicts "black boys". If he got this notion from TV, I don't even know how, when he just watches only kids programming. COuld the lack of diversity on a lot of kid shows be the blame? But I've watched my share of TV while growing up, but I don't feel like he does. Am I overreacting, or if not, what should I do?
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I wouldn't worry to much about this. The boy is just trying to make friends. Im white, and my avatar on xbox, is an asian guy with an afro, indian facepaint and a ghile suit on. Let the boy be who he wants to be.
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If you're concerned about your brother's avatar, then we should really worry about all the guys who play under avatars that look like attractive, scantily-clad, large-breasted women!
Avatars are a way to be someone different, to try on different personas. My avatars never look like me in the slightest. My husband's avatars never look like him.
As for being treated differently because of your avatar's appearance, that definitely does happen. How many people on WOW have been given special treatment for playing as a woman?
By pressuring him and putting a political twist on all of this, you're going to make him feel guilty about something that is normal and harmless (hence the crying). As long as he knows that his skin colour is just fine the way it is, and that there is no reason for him to think of himself any differently because of it, he'll be fine. You just wait... in 5 years, he'll be right up there with the rest of the guys, playing as an impossibly large-breasted woman :)
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I don't think you are overreacting. Obviously you care about your brother and want him to feel confident.
But he is probably too young to understand the questions that you are asking - maybe because he can't answer them he feels even more as if he's done something wrong? I'd give him some time to grow a little before you push the issue with him or your parents. But I think it's okay to keep an eye on him and help him feel good about himself.
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Why were you asking him these questions? The kid is only 7 years old. If he wants to play a game then let him, If he wants his character white then so be it.
Apart of me is wondering to whether bringing up the subject with your brother triggered him to think a little bit or whether he is REALLY feeling the way you say he is. Maybe he felt as if you were pointing out that he was different from the character he created? I am just pointing out possibilities.
This is what lead me to believe that: " Weeks later, I confronted him about it and kept pressing him about why he made his avatar look the way it does."
This right here sounds racist. You are pointing out the difference, You are making it pretty obvious that he looks different and you also compared him.
To be honest, I find it a little offensive that you even questioned that with him. If it bothers you you could talk to your parents about it and have them explain that he should be happy with himself. but when it comes to something like a game I really wouldn't be nagging him about it. I think rather then focusing so much on your brother you need to focus on you and adjust your views a bit.
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