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how can i change my fathers behavior?
i am a 24 yr old female. i live in a small family with my father and mother. my problem is that my father is a very aggressive person. he gets annoyed in everything and treats my mother very badly by abusing and cursing her. he is like this with everyone. he does not talk much with people and criticizes everyone. he has a very high ego problem because of which we have very less social link ups. although he has never put restrictions on us for spending money. financially he has given me and my mother all the authorities to use money that he earns but his behavior has depressed me and my mother so much that we sometimes think of dyeing. i have tried so many times to tell him that whatever he does is not good for his health and he must try to adjust with people around but he always refuses to do this by saying that he is never wrong and he do not need anyone in life as he can take care of himself. and he don't even allow us to talk to people those he does not like... we try very hard to keep him happy but a minute mistake leads to big quarrels in our home...because of his nature only my 19 yr old brother committed suicide in 2003.although he went in a bad company but my father, instead of helping him to come out of it, asked him to leave the house because of which he left this world... please suggest me what can do so that we can live happily in our small family and how can i make it easier for my mom and me to live with papa peacefully. i want to do it as soon as possible because i will get married in 1-2 yrs and i cannot leave my mother alone with him as m scared that he can also physically harm her by beating her. please help me
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personally i feel that you cannot be able to change your father s behaviour .so better is to you have to adjust with him. make your mother and you strong even if every thing goes wrong .dont expect anything from him or dont take it personally.dont involve deeply in any quarrelsome with your father .take every thing easily
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I'm going to start by saying that this may not be what you want to hear, but that's usually how advice works isn't it? First off, you can't change anyone's behavior. You can't change your father's behavior. You just can't do it. He is doing these terrible things because of who he is not because of you or your mother. None of this is your fault and there is nothing that you can do, no way that you can act, nothing you can say, or nothing that you can change to change him. He is an abuser and he needs help. You and your mother need to leave him. He will never stop. Neither of you deserve this and you have to get out before it's too late. I'm sure that you and your mother love your father, but this situation is just not working. A person cannot be allowed to treat other people the way your father is treating you. He will never stop and he will never change if you do not leave. Before you do anything, make sure you have a plan. It can be very dangerous to leave an abusive person because you could get seriously hurt or he may somehow prevent you for leaving. This website gives a description of exactly how you should do it: [Link](Mouse over link to see full location). It can take a lot for a person to believe that what I have said is the truth for them. You may not believe that your situation is what I have described or that you are in serious danger and you need to get out. Do not be in denial about this, it's not helping anyone, especially your father. If you really don't believe that it is as bad as I have made it out to be, you should call this number: 1−800−799−7233. It is a domestic violence hotline. They would be able to talk to you about your situation and you can find out for sure if you should leave your father. From what you have described, it seems really bad. I'm sure there's more to it than what you have written, but no one deserves what you and your mother are going through. You can't change other people, you can only change yourself. Making things easier on an abuser won't stop the abuse. The only thing that will stop it is leaving it behind. You don't need him and you can be so much happier without him if you give yourself a chance. The good thing is that you won't be alone; you and your mother can do this together. Please, if anything, at least call the number. The people there are professionals whereas most of the people on this website are not, we're just regular Joe's that want to help. You need to talk to someone that knows a lot about this subject and can lead you in the right direction, whatever that direction may be.
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Alrighty. Well, I have a similar situation. Not nearly as drastic though. I'm sorry about your bother, may he rest in peace. Now, about your father. I almost laughed out loud, my father is exactly like this! Except, my mother divorced my father a few years back. From then, it's been downhill with him. He's barely getting money, barely paying his bills, barely has food in his fridge, barely gets anything done. When I ask him, he answers, "I'm living day by day." I've learned that's his way of living. Not the best, not what I want for him, but it's his way. My father even screamed at me, "I am this way! No one in this world will change me, not even you!" Of course, I was hurt, depressed and even worried about his mental health. My father has a big male pride, very arrogant and too stubborn. Until your father doesn't fall down, he won't learn how to get back up. Maybe your mother should talk about divorce, if she really is unhappy in that relationship. No one should ever have to endure violence. No one. My father never abused of my mother physically, but emotionally he just lashed out every time he could. About the criticizing, I totally understand you! My father has a very loud voice, he'd talk about politics, and religion in public places and people always stare. It's embarrassing truly. I do not suggest you talking to him personally, as you said he is aggressive. It's too risky. You can always ask for family therapy, or a marriage counselor? If not, then the best for your mother would be divorce, and start a calm life. Who knows? Maybe your dad will change once he sees he has a wonderful wife and daughter! Be careful! Best of luck!
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