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is my mom trying to ruin my life?????
14/f
ok i got a bf 5 months ago and i told my mom 4 months ago.well the next day she looks at houses on the internet, i ask her about it and she tells me that we are going to move after school is out.
i told my mom about him before he asked me out, told her i liked him, and she started crying!
anyway, we moved and now she wont let me talk to him!
me and my bf were supposed to ggo to carawinds this july and asked my mom if i could go she said sure and i ask her again ,just to make sure i really could go, yesterday, and she said she made plans to go to florida the 2 week of july and i was going to carawinds the 3 week of july.
and then today she grounded me, yelled at me and sent me to my room without dinner! and she didnt even say good night at 9:00 like she usually does.
she lets my brother do everything and im stuck at home doing chores, she never lets me spend the night at a friends house and my brother does it almost every weekend.all this has led me to cutting 3 months ago and now ive got marks all on my legs.
any advise on what to do will be very thankful!!!
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First lets do something about your cutting. Lets try substituting something that will be just as good at helping relieve your stress but not cause you permenant marks or harm.
Find the biggest, fatest rubberband you can find. Let this rubberband hang losely from your wrist. When you feel the need to cut snap the rubberband against your wrist instead. From a clinical standpoint you are cutting to feel something and relieve stress. Snapping the rubberband will do the samething. Plus you do not have to run off and hide to do this. You can do it anywhere anytime you feel the need.
You did not say if your brother is older or younger than you and that can make a difference. While I can't explain everything your mother has done or said. I can tell you that there is a double standard when it comes to raising boys and girls. Boys do not get pregnant so parents do give a male child far more freedom then they do a female child. Is it right; I don't know I raised a male child.
I don't see a problem with going to Florida in the 2nd week of July if it is just for a week. You will still be home the 3rd week of July to go to Carowinds. You were not quite clear on this one. What I do have a problem with and mom may also have a problem with is if you and your boyfriend will be spending the week there without adult supervision.
Not knowing how old your boyfriend is, and this is only for legal reasons anyway. You are way to young to be spending evenings in a motel with a boyfriend. Here again you are not to clear and this may be what mom has a problem with and not wanting to have a discussion on. This is wrong on her part not discussing her reason for why she is saying no.
For instance in discussing this with you, and if say his parents are going to be there. If she is unaware of that fact she can find this out and then go meet his parents before deciding to let you go or not. This is moms right to meet his parents before trusting the care of her daughter to them. Again clarity here as to just how you are planning to spend the week with him is missing so I cannot really read into why mom is saying no.
As for the other things you write about I have no clue. For every argument their are two sides. If mom chose to punish you then something happened between you that pushed her over the edge and she grounded you. Just what that may have been is missing.
What I will tell you is you sound like a typical 14 year old girl who is going through puberty. Puberty and all the changes it brings is causing problems between you and mom. This is unfortunate but fairly normal. It will get better as your body adjusts to the new hormones now floating around in it.
You can see your family doctor if you want for help with this. There are medications that can relieve some of the stress puberty is placing on you. You could even ask for a referal to a talk therapist. Someone you could speak to in total confidence and share your deepest secrets and problems with knowing that they stay with him or her and can never get back to mom.
At 14 you are old enough to qualify under federal law to ask your doctor for this type of help without parental knowledge or approval. The law is called HIPPA. This law grants you certain medical confidentiality. Problems with puberty would qualify under that law. Your cutting will to the degree that your parents need to know you have been doing it and need treatment. What happens in therapy they will never know about and can never learn about as it is privledged and confidential.
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Sounds like your mother may be under some stress, I'm sure it has nothing to do with you or your boyfriend but rather a more personal issue that your mother is dealing with.
Try to sit down and talk to her, There may be more to the issue then you are aware of.
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Hey girlie! Well it seems like your mom is not ready to let go of your hand. Try to sit down and talk to her about how important your boyfriend is to you and how it seems as she's doing everything known to man to keep you two apart. Make points about like you said how your brother gets to do everything he wants. If your brother is older than you, yes he will have a little more freedom, but if he's younger...... ????? lol but seriously, when my parents wouldn't let me do something that was completely reasonable to do, my friend gave me advice to write everything down on a sheet of paper and show it to them. You need to show your mom that the reality is, is that you have a boyfriend, and you ARE going to hang out with him. Have you ever asked your mom about her past? Maybe she had a Hard time with men or something devastating happened? Something in her past could be triggering her to be very unhappy about you having a boyfriend. She could be afraid of you getting hurt.... Just sit down and talk to her :)
Best of luck <3
ps: I'm 14/f
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