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Neighbour's kids.. Pissing me off.
I've posted an earlier question about being annoyed with the neighbour's kids because they keep coming over, and staying over at my house, and entering without knocking or anything.
Everyone has advised me earlier to speak to the parents, but I am extremely shy and I feel bad having to speak to the parents because I feel I shouldn't have to because 1) it might create animosity 2) i feel absolutely terrible
Just literally less than 5 minutes ago. I've had another experience that has me extremely annoyed.
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You do have to express your wishes if you want anyone to ever A.) know what you want or B.) respect your wishes.
And if you are teenager in your parents home, then your first job is to express yourself clearly to your parents, not to go confront the mother of these kids.
The whole "I shouldn't have to tell you! You should just know!" is a dangerous trap to fall into. It leads to even more resentment and confusion. Don't get caught up in what should be happening, take a deep breath and address what is actually taking place.
At this point, you the are bigger problem then these poor kids, who are only doing what no one has ever told them is not okay.
I understand you are pissed, but the adults in your home are the only ones ANY power to fix this. You and your family are being as much, if not more, of a doormat than their mother.
The answer is actually even MORE obvious than speaking to the mother. You need to simply enforce boundaries with the children.
You don't have to ask the mother's permission to tell the children the must knock. You don't have to ask her permission to tell her children to leave your home.
You could probably get the kids to knock by just asking THEM to please start knocking, and enforcing it as a household rule and not even involving their parents.
An eight year old can be told to leave your bedroom. Firmly and clearly. An eight year old is actually far more likely to listen to you, than to their mother. Take advantage of that, and start telling them no.
"No. This is no okay. You need to leave."
"No you can't come in here right now."
"No. I'm not playing today."
"No. You need to leave now and go back and knock on the door like a polite person."
You are being a doormat. Stop it.
You can bitch at the mom all you want about 'teaching her kids manners' but unless you enforce some basic manners when these children enter your home or try to engage with you, then you really have right to complain.
Stop making it all the mom's job to give the kids direction. You are right that she SHOULD be doing that, but she isn't, and they are in your home, so (and your parents if you are a minor at home) need to grow a pair and be clear about the boundaries. If their mother doesn't like the boundaries in your home, then she wont let her children visit anymore.
If no one in your home can handle placing boundaries on small children, or talking to their mother, than maybe it's time to simply tell them all not to enter your home at all.
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You need to be firm, I read your last question as well.
Sometimes children need to be told in a firm way. My advice is if you do not already, Lock your doors. If you are uncomfortable with a direct approach towards the parents ten write a letter. Kids will never listen if there is no discipline.
If your doors are locked and they knock then do not answer. If you do not give them the attention they want then somewhere sooner or later they will get bored.
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It would be nice to know your exact age though I can guess from your writing you are much older than this 8 year old child.
You are also correct that it is not right for this child to come charging into your room or your house with out asking permission. You are also correct in saying 10 at night is to late for this chuld to be out of her house and running into your house.
Where you get off track a bit is your feeling that you must solve this problem. Regardless of how old you are. Unless you are an adult it is not your place to tell an adult how to raise their child, or to complain about their childs behavior unless you are their baby sitter.
What you need to do is talk with your parents. If they are unwilling to talk to the childs parents then your family will have to make some changes to protect your privacy from the neighbors children. The simpelest change is to keep the doors to the house closed and locked at all times. This means everyone needs to take their house key with them when they leave.
With the doors locked this child cannot barge in but will have to knock to gain entrance. This is when you, mom or dad can say no to the child and send her home. After awhile, even at her young age she will get the message she cannot be with you all the time.
Fact is this child loves you and wants to be with you. This should mean a lot to you. There is an old saying to trust children and dogs. Their instincts will tell you who to trust. You should be proud that this child trusts you as she does. It means she feels safe with you, though it is understood how this can be bothersome to you.
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Get a lock for your room. You can find one at Walmart for about ten dollars. Let your dad know that it bothers you, because he might find even another solution to the problem. You can also put a sign on your door saying something like "Knock first", something like that. You can also try to lock the other doors around the house. One thing with that you can do sometimes is let them know in a nice calm way like, "hey I want to show you something. When you first come into my room, you have to knock. You can walk to the door with them and show them. They will get it. Or if you want you can tell that they need to ring the doorbell before they come in the house or else you will get in big big trouble with your parents. Since you are shy this might be the easiest solution. Hope this helped :).
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Try keeping your doors locked, that way the child will not be able to run through out your house. and you will be allowed the privacy that you deserve..
But at the same time. this child SHOULD NOT be doing this. If she ran into the wrong house. it could be very dangerous to the child's safety.
This is how i would word it;
"Mrs. Smith. I understand that your child likes to come over to hang out. But there has to be boundaries. It is very unacceptable for her/him to come into the house and run around and barge into my room un anounced. I feel violated. when i don't even know your child is in my house. and I feel that it is my house and i should not have to worry who is in my house with out me knowing."
Hope this helps hon!
Jasmine
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