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My mom thinks I'm stupid and it hurts
14/f
I've been going through a ton of stress for the past week (and will be for the next two weeks) due to the fact that my teachers thought it would be appropriate to assign major projects all due this week right before final exams. So, I've been stressing out lately, and last week I worked for about five hours a day to try to make a dent in all of these stupid projects I have. Anyway, I worked a ton last week, and then over the weekend I hung out with some friends (a normal thing for a teenager to do) and relaxed to try to de-stress myself. Well, whenever I relax my mom always gets mad at me and says I should be doing my homework. Then she goes on about how she never sees me work and all I do is lay around and listen to music. Whoa whoa whoa. Not the case AT ALL. I do my homework, then to relax (I'm very introverted) I listen to music. However, whenever I go upstairs to do my homework my mom assumes I'm goofing off, even though I tell her otherwise.
So I worked some this weekend, but not a ton because I wanted to relax. Today after school I was telling my mom how stressed out I was from all this work, but instead of being the reassuring motherly figure you always hear about in books and stuff, she yelled at me about how I never work and I need to stop complaining because I don't work. THIS IS NOT TRUE!!! That's what drives me crazy!!! And when I tell her this, she gets mad at me for "fighting everything she says."
So today after school, to prove to my mom that I work a lot, I came home and did five and a half hours of homework straight. Guess what? She yelled at me for "managing my time horribly." Then tonight she said to me "if you want to go to a bad college, that's okay!" and then she called into my brother "congrats on your straight A's, love you!" Well I am very stressed out right now, so what she said actually hurt me. I don't know what to do or what to say to her. Her comments about my work ethic are bothering me, and I feel like she gets mad at me no matter what I do. She's making me feel really stupid and she's adding unnecessary stress to my already stressed out state of being.
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Tell her what you just posted here. You need to let her know that she hurts you. I don't think that's her intention, but she probably doesn't realize it. My mom does a lot of things that really hurt me, and when she calms down, I tell her that what she just did was very painful, and she usually apologizes, and tells me that it wasn't her intention. When she does it again, I tell her that she just hurt me again, and usually she stops right away. Sit down with your mom, and have a frank talk. You deserve to relax, and you're not stupid! Always remember that, and always believe in yourself! Good luck :)
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Sounds like a typical mother/daughter relationship to me. I do not want to demean anything you said. Mom should be more supportive but life is not like it is seen on television or in movies.
If your brother is bringing home straight A's and your not there is part of the problem. She feels you can do better and that you are not trying hard enough. IF you are in advanced classes she should know it will be harder to get A's then if you were in main line classes.
If your teachers are satisfied that you are working to potential then you be satisfied regardless of what mom says. Yes, I know words hurt though they can also be explanatory. You could visit with your guidance counselor before school closes and tell him/her what is bothering you at home. If your teachers are satisfied you are working to potential he or she may be willing to send a progress letter home telling mom how well you doing and that your teachers are proud of the progress you've made this year.
As for time management. You will never convince mom that you manage your time properly so here is a tip for you to use next year. I used this in College and in the Military also in my job.
At the beginning of each week I put up a time calendar. Now you know from a certain time in the morning until the afternoon you are in school. After being in school all day you are entitled to some time to decompress have a snack and relax, say 45 minutes. Then if you have any chores to do put them in the time calendar marking off the time they take. Then mark off time for homework by hour for each subject. Some nights you may not have homework in a particular subject and that's fine, use that time to study. The bottom of the time block is a time for special projects, say an hour a night.
Use this time calendar, which you can use one of the calendars on you computer, Ipod, or Ipad for and initial each hour or time block when subjects homework is complete. Post this calendar over the space where you do your homework.
Do this for everyday of the week including your weekends and you will not only gain control over your time and show mom you have proper time management. You will be preparing yourself for College and the working world beyond were time management is a skill 75 % of people do not have.
As for the other things. It is unfortunate that parents play one child against the other. Some feel that competition breeds success. I disagree; all of us are unique in our capabilities. I for instance do not do well on written test. Test me orally and I pass with flying colors. I'm an oral type person. It is our uniqueness that makes us successful as a whole. If you cannot make mom understand how much she is hurting you then maybe there is an Aunt, Uncle or grandparent you can speak with that she will listen too who will talk to her for you.
From what you have written I see a typical 14 year old teenage female with all the typical 14 year old female things going on in her life. Hopefully you are a good student getting good grades performing to your potential. Being introverted makes it hard for you to stand up for yourself. But you must for no one else will stand up for you. Maybe you have time management problems, maybe you don't. It is not a big deal if you do for it would be typical of someone your age if you do. I have offered you a corrective measure should you need it.
Talk to mom or talk to some other family member but let mom know how badly she is hurting you. I;m sure she is not truly aware.
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That's a tough situation. The best I can tell you is to ignore her comments and just continue doing your work. School is stressful, especially at the end of the year. It's gonna be hard to just to push her comments aside but when she says something, don't yell back, just take it in and be calm about it.
If you want to prove to your mom you do your work, try doing it downstairs where she'll see you. If there are too many distractions then just continue with what you do. Everything will turn out fine.
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I'm pretty sure that your mother doesn't mean to add on to your stress. She sees more potential in you and knows that you can do better. She expects for you to suceed and her way of showing it is being hard on you. Show appreciation for her concern for you to do and be better, but at the same time try to explain to her how you feel (in the nicest way)even if you have to write her a letter just for her to listen to you. Stay encouraged and keep your head up. Good luck...
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