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a little more
My boyfriend and I have tried having "kinky" sex. He really likes it and so do I but thats just it...I want it to go a little bit further.. I want him to be more rough I guess. I want him to literally like almost be mean to me. I want him to be a LOT more aggressive and treat me like his slave basically. I just don't know how to tell him.
I don't have any issues telling him what I like or telling him to pull my hair, I just feel like what I really want is taking it a little too far How do I tell him this? What if he thinks it's too much? Is this a weird sexual desire? Because I seriously want it a little degrading almost.. I just don't feel like this is really normal. I've looked on sites like cosmopolitan and I didn't find any advice on anything that I want.
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All you can do is just be honest and tell him what really works for you. It's up to him whether to do this because he may not be comfortable at all whereas you are. If you want him to do something and be rougher you have to communicate.
Is this normal behavior? Well, it's a fetish to be sure and there's nothing wrong with that. As long as you can enjoy sex without it you're okay. As long as both of you consent it's okay. You have to have a certain word agreed upon to know when something's gone too far to stop.
As long as both of you want to do this and it doesn't hurt anybody else it's fine and won't do anything to hurt or scar you you emotionally or otherwise permanently.
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lol just tell him, dont know what that persons on about men dont like straight forward... hes not a stranger hes your boyfriend an if thas wha you like he will DEFFO like it to. just tell him u wana try it... he can only say no. and im sure as soon as hes turned on he wouldnt care how you wanted it lol :)
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I think you should tell your boyfriend but don't be stragithfoward becoz boys don't like girls who are straightforward...just take it slow
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What you talking about sounds like a BDSM fetish. There is nothing wrong with sexual fetishes as long as BOTH PARTIES ARE CONSENTING.
The operative word her is CONSENT(ing). As long as you and your partner agree to something then what happens in the privacy of you bedroom is no ones business then your own.
Under the term BDSM, which stands for Bondage, Discipline, Sado-Masochism you can have light to heavy BDSM. Hair pulling falls to the light side. Smacking you on the butt during sex would also fall on the light side.
You won't find any information on this fetish in Cosmo but you will on the WEB just by typing BDSM into a search Engine.
TO have a great sex life requires communication. You know what you like and I know what I like. How do either of us know what the others likes, dislikes or desires are if we don't communicate it to our partners.
Sex is like everything else we do. It has a learning curve with every new partner, especially a new long term partner. To fully enjoy each other we need to communicate our desires to each other once we have become comfortable with each other and wish to take our sex life to the next level.
I believe this is where you are at now. He may or may not want to experience the same things that give you pleasure. Though he may be willing to give you what you need to have so that you get the most out of your sex life with him. Telling him is the only way to find out.
If he fears he could get carried away and could actually hurt you. Decide on a safe word. If you say that word that is his cue to stop immediately. Talk to him, start by telling him that you want to take you're sex lives to next level and ask him to share his fantasies and desires with you. Then tell him yours and see what he says. Then work out how you can give each other what you both desire. COMMUNICATE
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Boy, were you barking up the wrong tree looking at Cosmo! They're great for the "hold an ice cube in your mouth" type of advice, but they're rather vanilla.
You ask if this is a weird sexual desire. Well, it might be. But who cares? As long as everyone is happy and no laws are being broken, there should be no problem with pursuing whatever sexual activity you like. Being dominated is actually a fairly common desire, so you're not alone.
You've got to let him know what you want. This sort of conversation should not be had in the heat of the moment. This is the sort of conversation where you guys should be sitting down with a cup of coffee and no distractions and getting down to business.
You have to know what he's comfortable with. When getting into kink, I had a little trouble persuading my husband. He wouldn't hurt a fly, so he had trouble doing what he perceived as hurting me. Your boyfriend may have the same hangup. He may feel like he's disrespecting you by mistreating you.
Another thing to consider is how you're going to go about exploring. Slow and steady is the way to go. Don't go straight from a little hair pulling to a full-on slave situation, because both of you need to test your limits. He needs to know how you respond when you're reaching your limit, you need to know how far you can go. This means that later on, he will be less likely to cause real damage (emotional or physical).
Something a lot of people don't realize is that this sort of thing is mostly about emotions, not about 'feeling good'. You're playing with powerful stuff, and you want to make sure you're not getting out of the scope that your relationship can tolerate. A couple who has been married for 20 years will have a lot more tolerance for emotional degradation than a couple who has been together for less than a year. Part of submitting is being able to trust the other person entirely, and not ending up feeling violated when they, well, violate you (only in scene, of course!!!)
People get involved to different depths. You can take this as far as you want. Trust me when I say that there are people out there who make you look like the most vanilla of vanillas. You can do a little role-play from time to time to spice things up, or you can full-out live the lifestyle. The possibilities are endless. It's all about communication and trust between you two. Just make sure that both partners are happy, and you should be fine.
If you're looking for some guidance from a website (and you're of age) I would strongly suggest fetlife.com. It's a social network for people in the kink community, from newbies who like a little hair pulling to seasoned veterans who enjoy some really, really weird stuff. Articles are posted, conversations are had, you can meet other local people at "munches" where you can share ideas and gain knowledge.
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It's not abnormal. What you're describing is actually quite popular. It is not weird or indicative of any sort of disorder on your part. It is perfectly natural to get turned on by succumbing to your sex partner's power over you, and as long as it's always mutually consensual and no one suffers any actual injury, it's all fine and good.
The way to approach it with him is slowly. First of all, come up with a safe word so you can let him know when he's going too far; this will make him more comfortable, because he will know that unless he hears that word, it's all consensual and it's what you want. Give him a few specifics insofar as what you want him to do, but also encourage him to come up with some stuff on his own; you will probably enjoy it more if you don't know exactly what's coming. And, take it a little farther each time until you reach your comfort level.
It's also important to reciprocate; make sure to give him what HE wants from time to time, and don't always make it about the kink. Make sure you show him you can still enjoy regular, vanilla sex with him, because that will assure him (and you!) that it's more about WHO you're having sex with than WHAT you're doing.
And remember than anyone who condemns your kink as weird and perverse is probably either secretly doing it themselves, or wishing they could.
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