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boyfriend just doesn't know anymore
21/F
boyfriend is also 21
my boyfriend and i have been dating for 4 months. I know it doesn't seem long, but we were talking for 3 months before that. but officially been dating for 4 months. anyways, things were going really good we never really fought and if we did we would figure things out pretty quickly. we go to the same college and so we see each other a lot but we give each other space too so we don't get annoyed of each other. 2 weeks ago things started to get a little different and he told me that he just doesnt know anymore. he's super confused with himself and doesn't feel completely happy. i asked if i did anything to make him feel this way and he said no, that it's all him. he doesn't know whats wrong with him and he doesn't know what to do. i asked him if he wanted to break up or be single and he got all teary eyed and said that hurt really bad to hear that. he wants to work things out and wants to still be with me but he's really confused and doesn't know what to do or how to help himself. and neither do i. i have no idea how to help him. he says it's killing him inside because he knows he's hurting me. he said the only thing that bothers him with me is that my mood changes and he doesn't know if he's the one that's making my mood change or what. i've told him that it's never him. it's just school and other things. and i've been trying to change so that my mood doesn't go up and down all the time. he knows i'm trying. he would never cheat on me and i know this for a fact and i would never cheat on him. we both have been cheated on and so we both know how it feels.
the main thing is he just is so confused and doesn't know what he wants. and he just wants to be happy again. i have no idea how to help and thats what i really want to do. i'm worried that he's going to break up with me but i already asked if he wanted to and like i said, he said that he didn't want to and if he wanted to he could of done it already.
i guess what i'm asking is if anyone knows any suggestions of what i could tell him, how i could help, what i can do, or something..
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
i would give him so time to think. stay with him, just keep a distance. if he is alone, maybe he'll figure things out and realize he needs you, or if he needs to go a separate way. tell him it is up to him and that you'll be supportive of his decision no matter what he decides. if after some time he hasn't decided, i think you both should go your separate ways from now and let it be. if by chance this does happen, it will be OK. you have a wonderful life a head of you and starting fresh can have a really positive impact on your life. remember everything happens for a reason and there are plenty of fish in the sea. it shouldn't JUST be based on what's best for him though, you should also take into consideration what you want and what will make you happiest. ask yourself this: "will he have a positive impact on my life?" "does he make me feel happy and free?" "despite his emotions, can i mantain a healthy relationship?" so, basically what i'm getting at is: let him and you take some time to think, keep a distance, don't break up for a little while and give it some time. when you have both come to your decisions, then you can either go your seperate ways or stay together. do what is best for yourself and what you think is best for him. if for some reason you decide to go your separate ways, you have a wonderful life ahead of you and there are plenty of fish in the sea.
i hope my advice helps you.
good luck:)
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Its just stress; I'm going into my 3rd year of college and sometimes it just hits you. Your life is the way it's always been but all the work your doing (school, work, other responsibilities) really catches up to you. So what you need to do is relax for a weekend; try not to think about school and work, and go out and do something together. Go out on a long date; dinner, a movie, go back to his or your place and just relax. It'll be good for the both of you
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In my opinion, I feel he is just worried about the future and is not confident of the present. Give him lots of love and support and he'l be yours :)
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Being 21 should I guess that you two are in your last year of college. If I'm correct there are several things that come to mind.
He may be unsure of the future, not specifically his future with you but the future in general. This has brought on a form of depression. I'm not sure if he is suffering from the clinical form of depression he would need to be screened for that and be diagnosed. This could be done at the health clinic. This would be a good idea to have him do.
Not knowing his field of study I will say he that his major concern could be the high rate of unemployment for college graduates. At this time it is running between 118% to a high of almost 25%. Remember 6 months after graduation student loan repayments start. If your unemployed and can't repay them it hurts your credit rating.
He could be being pressured to go to graduate school in a field of study that does not truly interest him.
These are just a few things that could be weighing on him. Your relationship is too new that he may not feel comfortable discussing this with you. My suggestion to you is that you find a way to ask about these things to see what the root cause of his problem may be and see if he won't go to the health center to be screened for clinical depression.
Stress is the main cause of clinical depression and is easily treatable. Remove the stress the depression goes away and he will see things more clearly.
I hope I have helped
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Our first instinct as women or girls is to fix the problem or we want to find a solution. Unfortunately there is nothing you can do to help him. The best thing for you to do is to give him space and I know that's difficult and its not what you want to hear but its what needs to be done. He needs time to think about what is exactly making him unhappy and what he can do to fix it. Don't smother him it may only make things worse. Although it maybe be hard just back off a little bit and if he wants to talk he'll come to you when he wants to. Good luck and I hope this works out.
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Well leave him alone for a while. But if it continues talk to him about his life. What he's doing, how he's doing it. Show him you really care and that itself should help him.
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