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Hot and cold boyfriend causing depression... should I leave him?
I'm 28 years old, female and from France.So, excuse the possible mistakes. My boyfriend of six months previously best friend is blowing hot and cold on me. One moment he is sweet, the next mean and making fun of me.Then telling me it was all joke.He also give me the silent treatment each time i don't do what he expects like if i'm busy with work and can't answer him right back. He seems depressed and has retreated from his social life. I want to help him but he refuses to talk.
I've been battling depression myself and feels so low each time he do this. Shoul i leave him?
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Salut. :)
I'm 24, female and American, but I'd like to try to answer your question in French, if you don't mind. I'm a little rusty, but I used to be fluent. I'll include an English translation in case I write anything incorrectly.
Absolument, je pense que tu devrais quitter. S'il est "chaud et froid" comme ça, et il te donnerai le silence quand tu fais quelque chose qu'il n'aime pas, par manque des meilleurs mots, il essaie de vous former. Tu n'es pas un animal, et tu mérites mieux. Souffrent de dépression n'excuses pas ces actions. Ceux qui souffrent de dépression ont tendance à s'isoler, mais tu ne peux pas le forcer s'il n'est pas prêt de l'accepter - mais tu le saves déjà, si tu souffrer de dépression tu-même.
Il a clairement des problèmes dont il a besoin de fixer. Il agit comme un adolescent, jouer à ces jeux. Débarrasses-toi de lui et trouver quelqu'un qui vous apprécie.
Absolutely, I think you should leave. If he's "hot and cold" like this, and he gives you silence when you do things he doesn't like, for lack of better words, he's trying to train you. You are not an animal, and you deserve better. Suffering from depression doesn't excuses these actions. Those who suffer from depression tend to isolate themselves, but you can't force him to get help if he isn't ready to accept it - but you already know this, if you suffer from depression yourself.
He clearly has some problems he needs to work out. He is acting like a teenager, playing these games. Get rid of him and find someone who will appreciate you.
Siren
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The quick answer to your question is yes you should leave him, though for not the reasons you think.
As someone who has suffered from depression and now fighting to stay in remission I can tell you that two people suffering from untreated depression are harmful to each other. This is the reason you two should split up.
When depression hits you, your outlook and perspective on things are effected. You are not always seeing things as they are. Your boyfriend telling you everything is a joke may be a protective mechanism of his making to help him with his depression issues.
The way he is currently treating you is probably the root cause of your own depression. This can have its effects on everything in your daily life including your job.
I suggest the best thing for both of you is to get medical help for your depression issues. That you split up at least on a temporary basis until the fog of depression has been lifted to a point that you can think and see more clearly.
Talk therapy with a good therapist an possibly medication to help lift the fog is the best way to help yourself and your boyfriend. I cannot force you or you force him to seek help. You have to want to get help if you are going to have any success with therapy. All I or you can do is suggest that this is the way to go.
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If you are asking yourself this question after only six months, yes, you should leave.
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I honestly think you should leave him.
No boyfriend should do this to a great girlfriend. You may like/love him, but you have to leave him. No boyfriend should make fun of his girlfriend, or give her the silent treatment. I suggest you take him out to dinner and tell him. Make it be romantic though, you don't want to mess this up. Say it's just not going to work out, and you hope you 2 can be friends. I hope I helped, and I hope everything goes well!:)
-Bella Thorne
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