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My teen son won't spend time with me
I'm a single mom of three. Two girls (19,9) one boy 18 today. He won't spend time with me. He stays in his room or hangs out with friends. today is his birthday and he doesn't want to go out to dinner with us. wouldn't travel with us for thangsgiving either. Really worried. He gets good grades and is going to a great university in the fall. He also works. But I fear he's depressed, he doesn't like me or worse...Unfortuneately, Dad isn't a very positive influence. What to do? I love my son. I need to connect but don't know how.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
just let your children know that you are there for them every time and every where
but don't ask his or her friends that why is your son and daughters are depressed that can make it worse
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I have to agree with Zane. The late teens and early twenty's can be a very confusing time for males. In many ways they are adults, especially legally though in many ways they are still treated as children. Especially in school and in college as well.
I remember when my son was 18. He had double issues with trying to be an adult. He was in the military. He was old enough to die for his country yet while attending college they tried, unsuccessfully, to treat him as a child. He was never in trouble at school but certain papers would need to be signed and when I refused they said parental signatures are required. When I told them for the next three years the Army had responsibility for him and he was responsible to them and for himself they had no idea how to handle that situation. Schools deal with children and treat them so.
How can you be an adult if every way you turn someone is try to treat you as child one minute and then when it suits them tells you to act like the adult you are. This is what your son is trying to reconcile.
As for not wanting to be with you and the rest of the family; this is normal for his age. He we change and the time will come you will think about changing the locks on the doors. If you think he is depressed ask his doctor to see him for depression during his next physical, which he will be getting soon to enter college. I would be surprised if he is found to be depressed as you have not said anything that is symptomatic of depression.
As I said your son sounds like a normal 18 year old. Don't press him just let him know your there for him and you love him.
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I am going to disagree with the user below me, Your job is not to be his "friend" your job is to be his Mother.
Sounds to me that your son is being a typical teenager. I was the same way when I was that age. I wanted to be alone and I had mood swings. Your son is not only a teenager but he is going through the transition of entering adulthood and that can be difficult for him to handle. At that age, I was confused, angry and wanted nothing to do with anyone. If you feel he is depressed then you can sit down with him and just let him know that if anything is bothering him that you are more then happy to listen and you will support him anyway you can. Then you leave the option to him. Constantly nagging a teenager is basically going to do nothing but fuel him up for a heated conversation. I would talk to him about how you feel but if that seems almost impossible then try writing a letter and putting it somewhere he'll read it on his own time that way he can read it thoroughly and get a better understanding of where you are coming from. In that letter you can write that when he is ready you two can sit down and talk. If you feel he is depressed then you can write your concerns in the letter as well and take it from there. However, One thing I would address when you sit down with him is to assure him that if he ever needs to talk he can come to you.
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This can be very difficult for all parents when their kid is a teen. Think back to when you were 18. What did you do with your family? What stuff did you enjoy? At this age teenagers tend to go through mood swings and they want to be alone. Your son being in his room all the time or hanging out with friends is being a teenager. I suggest you back off a little but also spend time with him. Even playing cards or a game or watching a movie or starting a conversation is bonding with him. If you be nice and not to needy he'll want to spend time with you. Suggest going to the movies or going out to dinner and he can take 1 friend then you get to bond with him at home. Look at a list of what teenagers like to do on google.
Me as a teenager myslef (13) likes to go to the movies, hang with friends, be in my room a lot, go on the computer, text andsame with my older sister. So find stuff your teen enjoys.
Hope I helped and good luck! happy birthday to your son!
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