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It's racist to say that you only want to marry someone in your own race
Why don't people realize this? Hear me out, to get the full scope of what I'm talking about. I can tell if you responded without actually reading what I wrote. I'm genuinely interested in your response, whether it's positive or negative. I thought for some time about this.
Because it's essentially saying that even if someone was the perfect guy for you; you shared common interests, he treated you very well, you found him very attractive, etc. he wouldn't even be an option, because of his race. There's nothing racist if someone happens to only date within their race because out of the people they've met, the ones they connect the best with are within their race. But to say that you only want to date within your race is racist, even if you have friends outside of your race, because it implies that even if you happened to connect with someone very well, you wouldn't think they're good enough for marriage, for a very shallow reason. And just because you haven't met someone outside of your race that you could really connect with doesn't mean that it could never happen.
It's racist to want to stay within your race to "make sure your kids look almost exactly like you" as it is to want to date outside of your race, to "make sure your kids look different from you". they're both just as racist, and superficial. People like this shouldn't even have kids, to pass on such stupid beliefs. If you love your daughter's blonde hair and blue eyes more than you love her personality, or the fact that she's your daughter and shares half your DNA, you have issues.
The whole "preserving bloodlines" thing is complete bull, too. There's no such thing as a "pure" race, as it's been scientifically proven that race doesn't even exist at all; it's just a social concept. It's a faulty social concept, because when you trace people's DNA, it spreads across various continents. And if people truly believed in the "one drop rule" then everyone in the world would be considered black, as humans are originally from Africa. we have different skin colors because of the different amounts of melanin in our skin; a very insignificant part of our DNA as a whole. racism was just created to give white males more power; that's it. for example, it was easy to justify enslaving blacks when you saw them as less than human, as someone of another "race". By the way, by saying this, I'm not saying that I have a grudge on all whites, or whatever. Nor am I saying that all whites were like that back then. I'm just saying historical truths.
It really boggles my mind why race is still an issue in society, especially American society. I understand why someone might be wary to date someone out of their culture, but race and culture are not always synonymous. Also, it's hypocritical for someone to use that to try and justify not dating outside of their race, and yet they may date a white person from Sweden, even though they are from Brazil, or they may date a black person from the Caribbean, even though they are from Australia. You may have grew up together in school with someone of a different race, but you're more likely have more in common with someone from another continent, because you're the same skin color! Am I the only one who sees how silly this is?
It's sad that interracial couples are often treated with disdain, in our society. They're no different from same-race couples, to be honest (granted they became a couple for non-superficial reasons). It just doesn't make any logical sense to me. people shouldn't feel ashamed or w/e, because they're doing nothing wrong
personally, I'm a black girl, but I've been attracted to various guys, of various ethnic backgrounds. I have no preference of the type of guy I marry, as long as he's good looking, we have similar interests and lifestyles, and we connect very well. isn't that how it's supposed to be?Because it's essentially saying that even if someone was the perfect guy for you; you shared common interests, he treated you very well, you found him very attractive, etc. he wouldn't even be an option, because of his race. There's nothing racist if someone happens to only date within their race because out of the people they've met, the ones they connect the best with are within their race. But to say that you only want to date within your race is racist, even if you have friends outside of your race, because it implies that even if you happened to connect with someone very well, you wouldn't think they're good enough for marriage, for a very shallow reason. And just because you haven't met someone outside of your race that you could really connect with doesn't mean that it could never happen.
It's racist to want to stay within your race to "make sure your kids look almost exactly like you" as it is to want to date outside of your race, to "make sure your kids look different from you". they're both just as racist, and superficial. People like this shouldn't even have kids, to pass on such stupid beliefs. If you love your daughter's blonde hair and blue eyes more than you love her personality, or the fact that she's your daughter and shares half your DNA, you have issues.
The whole "preserving bloodlines" thing is complete bull, too. There's no such thing as a "pure" race, as it's been scientifically proven that race doesn't even exist at all; it's just a social concept. It's a faulty social concept, because when you trace people's DNA, it spreads across various continents. And if people truly believed in the "one drop rule" then everyone in the world would be considered black, as humans are originally from Africa. we have different skin colors because of the different amounts of melanin in our skin; a very insignificant part of our DNA as a whole. racism was just created to give white males more power; that's it. for example, it was easy to justify enslaving blacks when you saw them as less than human, as someone of another "race". By the way, by saying this, I'm not saying that I have a grudge on all whites, or whatever. Nor am I saying that all whites were like that back then. I'm just saying historical truths.
It really boggles my mind why race is still an issue in society, especially American society. I understand why someone might be wary to date someone out of their culture, but race and culture are not always synonymous. Also, it's hypocritical for someone to use that to try and justify not dating outside of their race, and yet they may date a white person from Sweden, even though they are from Brazil, or they may date a black person from the Caribbean, even though they are from Australia. You may have grew up together in school with someone of a different race, but you're more likely have more in common with someone from another continent, because you're the same skin color! Am I the only one who sees how silly this is?
It's sad that interracial couples are often treated with disdain, in our society. They're no different from same-race couples, to be honest (granted they became a couple for non-superficial reasons). It just doesn't make any logical sense to me. people shouldn't feel ashamed or w/e, because they're doing nothing wrong
personally, I'm a black girl, but I've been attracted to various guys, of various ethnic backgrounds. I have no preference of the type of guy I marry, as long as he's good looking, we have similar interests and lifestyles, and we connect very well. isn't that how it's supposed to be?
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I completely agree with you!! I cannot stand people that think the way you look makes you different. Everyone should be treated equally and its awful to think that you are treated differently because of your skin color, that is just so wrong!
I am dating a black kid and I am white. So far the only person thats had a problem is my grandma and its because of how she was raised in the south. My boyfriend is my best friend and he is the most amazing person ive ever met. His skin color is just part of who he is and I personally love that about him.
His dad is black and his mom is white. They have four kids and they are one of the closest and most caring families I have ever met. They dont have problems with the mom being white and everyone else black. When I am with him and his family, the color of their skin never even crosses my mind. Sometimes I forget that hes black.
But anyways, yeah its wrong to discrimate against other races because we are all humans. Im sure you will meet plenty more racist people in your life but there are also many people who treat everyone equally. From watching my boyfriend ive learned that you just have to stay strong and be confident in who you are. Dont worry about the people that were raised to be racist because since they dont want to give other races a chance, they will most likely miss out on meeting some of the most amazing people.
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Okay, a little bit of background on me - I'm 24, white, female, and Jewish (by blood, though I don't practice). I have never dated a Jewish guy. It's nothing against my birth-religion or an attempt to rebel; I simply haven't met a Jewish guy to whom I've been attracted. The majority of my boyfriends have actually been Catholic, and mixed-race of some sort. I've never dated an African-American guy, but it has nothing to do with the color of their skin. Again, I just haven't been attracted to anyone of that ethnicity.
I believe that my (and your) way of thinking about race and the guys we date has a lot to do with the way our parents raised us. My parents put absolutely zero emphasis on race and religion. They treated everyone exactly the same, so I did, too, and still do. Don't get me wrong, I've heard "You should marry a nice Jewish boy" from my mom (jokingly), but she accepts anyone to whom I introduce her, as does my father. Unfortunately, not everyone educates their children this way, and that's where we run into problems as a society.
No one should, however, have the ability to pick and choose who should or shouldn't have children. The offspring of racist people may not necessarily share their parents' beliefs. It's not a genetic issue. Nature and nurture BOTH play a role in the socializing of children (that is, educating them and helping them learn to be a functional part of society). Because interracial couples exist and not everyone is racially driven/minded, chances are those children will encounter different peers who will teach them different things.
Don't be so quick to judge.
Absolutely, it's stupid to be so superficial that race or religion is the only thing that matters. People in general tend to focus too much on what's on the surface instead of what's inside, whether that focus is on support or on disdain, and whether that focus is on race, religion, or someone's weight.
I agree with you wholeheartedly about the way it's "supposed to be," but as the columnists before me have mentioned, these issues are deeply ingrained in the human mind.
Even so, as humans, look how far we've come. Just the fact that there are interracial couples all over the place suggests that we've grown, and will continue to do so. There's still hope for the human race. :)
Siren
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I am be considered an arrogant ass in your eyes just giving you the heads up...
I have no problem with different races but I prefer to date someone who is white as I am, Why? because that is just what I am more comfortable with.
I find certain races to be a little more obnoxious, rude, disrespectful and down ride degrading at times. I've had many African friends in my life and as a matter of fact a few years back my best friend was African American until she moved away of course.. I see different races as friend material that's about it.
It's an old tradition that the Chinese families would generally prefer their children to date a Chinese man or woman. I don't believe it is a raciest thing, I believe it's more of a traditional way of life. However, Lately that seems to be changing.
In today's society I'm actually going to have to say I've seen a lot more mixed couples dating/marrying. I actually read an article not too long ago on yahoo about how now most couples are actually different races and come from different cultures.
Does it make me a bad person for wanting to stick with white? No, I don't think so. I wouldn't call myself a racist because I don't go around disrespecting others because of their race or skin colors. I still have just as much respect for them as I do others. I just again, Prefer to date someone I am more comfortable dating.
Everyone is different, I would never judge an African person for wanting to date their own kind nor would I a Chinese or any other race. It's a personal choice that people have the right to call.
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It is, by definition, racist. Racism is defining a person's unworthiness or disqualification (or other attribute but usually expressed as a negative), solely on the basis on their race.
If you are disqualifying someone from a certain kind of job, or role in the world (include, as a person you might consider worth dating or being friends with) that's racism, plain and simple.
It's also perfectly allowed, unforcunately. Romance, sex and friendship are one of the few places where (even if it is rude, racist or inappropriate) people are free to disqualify others for ANY reason they choose. You can choose not to date guys with glasses, or Asian guys, or short guys. It might be shallow, or racist, but it's also certainly a personal prerogative.
On the flip side, bias against interracial couples is complete bullshit. Frankly, it's also more of an issue in many parts of America then it is in most other 1st world countries. I've never heard a person I've meet in person ever address anything about the way children might look, or keeping blood lines 'pure'. I think they'd probably get punched if they did. The best thing you can do to fight it in your sphere is to correct it in people when you see or hear them doing it (not punch them, tempting as it may be.)
Finally, I'll say this: I've been attracted to various people, of various ethnic and cultural backgrounds and have the added complication of having been attracted to people who have various gender identification AND I have preferences! I definitely have cultural and physical preferences, which lend themselves, through some fair and some unfair generalizations, to some cultural and racial preferences.
Having those preferences and making those generalizations doesn't make a person evil, or racist when it comes to love and sex. It's difficult, if not impossible, to look at the world without any cultural or racial generalizations. It doesn't do us much good to pretend those preferences and generalizations don't exist in our brains - the best thing we can do is be on guard for them, question them and re-evaluate them when we meet individuals.
When it comes to our most intimate relationships, we need to acknowledge our personal biases, but awknowlwdging doesn't mean they are suddenly 'not racist'. "I just feel it!" doesn't make refusing to even consider a person of anything race as a rommantic partner any less racist. Instead, being aware of our biases should call us to examine individuals more carefully AS individuals, not based on our preconceived ideas about the groups they belong too.
I agree with Ninja in the end - even if you meet guys who do have those preferences and generalization in their brains - if they aren't willing to look past them and have them challenged, all that is is the perfect loser filter.
But on the flip side of that: You need to be careful not to disqualify others around you who have biases, maybe even racist ideas, but are willing to have them questioned and challenged. Racism and tribalism are deeply ingrained in the human psyche. Mild to moderate racist gaffes and biases are almost impossible to avoid - even for the most senstive and aware person. No one can fairly be expected to defeat these irrational thoughts completely. Someday you might even find something racist slipping out of your own mouth - an error in judgement so insidious - you don't even catch it until you are made to look it in the eye.
So give people you meet with these biases and racist ideas a chance to really look at those ideas. Take a deep breath and know you've got reason on your side. You want get through to everyone, but you'll always be helping them down the right path.
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I wouldn't say it's racist so much as it's incredibly limiting. Now, if you're refusing to date a particular race because you're assuming bad things about them, that's racist. Otherwise it's just being shallow and picky.
I have a good friend who doesn't date any guys who aren't blonde-haired, blue-eyed hockey players over 6 ft tall. True story. I also have a good friend with red hair and an Irish background who will only date Asian women. Neither of these people is racist. They're just limited based on what they find visually appealing and are too shallow to look beyond appearances to find what they're really after. It's no different to turn down someone because of their skin colour than it is to turn them down because they're too fat, too short, or because they have curly hair and you only like straight hair.
That's not saying that race isn't still an issue. It's a huge issue in some places, especially in the States. I feel that in the area I live in (a large city in Canada), it's really not as big a deal since we're an incredibly multicultural community. I don't understand treating people differently because of their financial status, their skin colour or their sexual orientation. It makes no sense to me. I've dated people of just about every skin colour, and haven't given it much thought. They're people, not crayons.
If you're being turned down by narrow-minded creeps, just think of it as being a loser filter. If someone can't look past your skin colour, even if it doesn't adhere to their preferences, and want you for the fantastic person you are, they're losing out and they're not worth your time.
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