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Why am I sexually + mentally attracted to a guy I don't find physically
.. attractive?
I feel like I don't want to be involved with him because I don't find him to be physically attractive, but at the same time I really like his personality, and I think through that I've become pretty sexually attracted. ugh what a mess
teenage hormones suck. but i can't help from fantasizing about him, even though i think i'd be embarrassed to be seen with him in that way, apart from as a friend. i guess it kind of makes me shallow, but I'd just want to be romantically involved with a guy I could feel is hot, and who I wouldn't be embarrassed to be seen in public with, since I'm physically attractive myself (i'm not trying to be cocky, just being honest). i mean the guy isn't THAT ugly, or even obese, i think he could actually look a lot better if he just took care of himself better, wore better clothes, and perhaps got a gym membership or something.
see, im picky like this and this is how im perpetually single. but i dont want to be desperate and go for a guy i'm not fully into, you know
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I would tell him exactly how i feel. explain to him, exactly as how you explained it to me, except, leave out the part where you think you might be embarrased being seen with him. Tell him looks wise you want to work his appearance, but his personality really has ya attached. and or fantasizing if you will. be open, be honest, but dont let him go, you may have a good thing.Goodluck to you.
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Just to put it out there, I'm a pretty attractive girl myself (there's a picture of me on my column, if you're curious). I used to be picky like you - if I didn't drool over a guy, he was useless.
I'm not sure how old you are, apart from in your teens, but I gotta tell you - sometimes if you're attracted to a guy sexually and mentally, he can become really freaking hot in your eyes. So other people don't agree? They don't have to. They're not dating him. Their opinion doesn't matter. Plus, you know, "that nerdy guy" could turn into a really sexy, successful businessman later in life. Looks don't last forever. You want to be attracted to your partner, but for reasons other than his looks. Going for a guy that you don't drool over doesn't make you desperate, it makes you not a shallow bitch who's only into Abercrombie models. (Not saying that's what you are. I just know some girls like that, and they are... well, alone.)
So he could use a gym membership - get one with him. Be his workout buddy, encourage him, and keep yourself fit and healthy while you're at it. (My boyfriend and I are doing this right now. He's not as cut as he used to be, and neither am I, so we decided to focus on both of us getting healthier. It's something fun to do together.)
You don't like the way he dresses? I'm sure some things look better on him than others. You can tell him "You look really good in that" and encourage him to dress in more appealing ways. Keep in mind, however, that you can't change who he is. What he looks like, however, is not who he is. It's a very small part of him, and it sounds like you recognize the deeper part, which is good.
Regardless of how he looks on the outside, if you're attracted to this guy and fantasizing about him, you should really give him a chance. Trust me.
Siren
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My husband always jokes that he fell in love with me because of my sexy, sexy brain. It's probably true, too. He's a good looking guy, has always dated extremely attractive women, and I'm pretty average to below average in the looks department. Count me lucky :D
When you get into a long-term relationship, you can't do it based on looks. You know why? Those looks will fade with time, and you're left with whatever brains and personality that person possesses. So that hottie jerk ends up being... a jerk. For this reason a good personality is sexy. If someone's so-so looks are outweighed by their stellar personality, you will view them as being more attractive.
Looks can always change. If this guy is a teenager, he's in his awkward phase. My husband wore a Wrestlemania t-shirt and acid wash dad jeans to meet my parents a few years back. Now he's more stylish than I am. Don't give up on this guy because he's a little pudgy and funny-looking. Chances are he'll grow into himself as he gets older.
Give this guy a shot. It sounds like you two know each other pretty well. You're never going to find that perfect guy right off the shelf, but this guy is perfect in all the important ways. The rest will either become unimportant as you learn to love who he is, or it's easily changeable as he gains a desire to make himself your physical match.
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I don't see how you can be sexually attracted to someone and not find them physically attractive... But alright. For the most part I understand what your saying but if your always single for this reason then the truth is your not as attractive as you make yourself out to be. Some girls have that problem and when she lets it show through her personality its just annoying. My point is You need to understand that just like girls guys like different things different looks. I alot of girls attractive but I've always been more attracted to thicker girls so in a way a small petite girl that's runs and is in shape isn't as attractive to me as a girl that has curves. I workout 6 times a week, I have a good amount of muscle and a 6 pack but I don't put myself above people or think that I can get any girl out there and that's because some girls dont like the look of muscle, or just might not like something else about me. For some girls I'm a 10 and I've had others say that I'm a 7, and I'm fine with that. My advice is to let this "he's not attractive enough for me thing go". I've been in 2 serious relationships with two girls that to me we're very attractive but that only accounted for a very small fraction of how they made me happy when they did. It was the thoughtful stuff, telling me how they felt about me, buying me something, doing things they didn't have to to show that they cared. Those were the things that made me fall in love with them and what made me happy.
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you don't have to be physically attracted to a guy just to have a relationship that would superficial and wouldn't be considered a relationship. second there has to b other qualities you like about him something that makes you say hey i wouldn't mind getting to know him better. and third a girl can always change the guy to her liking on the surface i mean if hes willing to be with you and keep your relationship then he will take better care of himself to please his girl. all i can say is good luck and i hope you find what you're looking for.
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