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what to say & how to help a friend who suffers from depression?
I have a friend who goes through depression..frequently. Her boyfriend is an ass, and that's basically the root of it. Anyway, when she gets depressed, she completely ignores me. She isn't mad at me or anything, this just how she reacts. This will sometimes last for a month or two. I really miss her, & I want to help her, but I have no idea how. I've never really suffered through any kinds of continuous depression/sadness so I don't know what to do.
I know the 'obvious' answer is to just be there for her. But, besides that.. I know she has her phone, because she plays games & I can see like that she goes on it sort of thing. & that she just isn't taking my texts. What do I say to her?
I can't go over to her house either, she recently moved, & it's too far to make a casual trip. Plus, I'm a college student & dirt poor.
She's a senior in high school by the way.
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Hey there:) I think you should invite her out for a walk or lunch and have a chat with her. Let her know that you can sense she is going through hard times, and that you won't pry, but that you are completely there for her any time she wants to talk or needs a distraction.
You should also let her know very gently that you feel sad that you and her are not as close as you were. Tell her you don't blame her,it just makes you miss her and you hope you can spend more time together.
She may be so absorbed in her own pain, she doesn't realize how she is affecting others that love her. You letting her know may be enough to make her aware of how isolated she has been.
If you ever sense she is in danger, trust your gut. If you believe she may hurt herself, you must tell several adults so enough people know that she may get some help. Don't worry about her getting angry with you. She will realize you were in the right once her head gets straight. Without treatment, chances are she will just fall deeper in her darkness.
I have suffered through depression through out my life. Most it was simple, situational sadness that I was able to work through on my own. But twice, I was deeper than I realized and I owe my recover to a few really great, persistent friends.
You also need to discuss how this is affecting you with someone. It is really hard to see our friends suffering and it can leave us feeling hopeless and not very useful. It isn't your fault when you have tried all you can to get her to open up, so please remember that. We are all prone to sadness, so take the time to talk to someone--friend, family, counselor, teacher, or other trusted adult, about your feelings. It helps.
I hope it all works out for you both. Contact me if you need to talk.
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The best thing you can do is listen a lot more than other people do and say nothing. Don't offer advice unless you see her ask for it or know that you must say something.
The truth is you don't know what's going on in her head or how awful she does or doesn't feel and you haven't experienced this as an all encompassing 24/7 365 thing bombarding her and affecting how she functions. You mean well but there are levels to this you don't see that are internal with her.
Her problem isn't just a boy but it didn't help matters. It's a medical issue and has to be treated by a psychiatrist in order to break the vicious cycle she's in with it. Nothing can make her see one but herself unless she's in crisis and trying to harm herself. It hasn't gotten to that level but left untreated it can.
She's likely embarassed about the boy and these other issues and or is too upset to want to be around friends right now. It's normal and nothing to do with you. Best thing to do is back off and wait for her. If she knows you are a good friend she'll reach out when she's ready.
The only thing you should do is text her. "Missing you. Let's reconnect sometime. Hope you are doing well." and leave it to her to respond. If she ever mentions depression or hints at it tell her "You should tell someone you'll feel better longterm" and leave it at that. You did all you could. Ball is in her court.
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