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problems with step son
my fiance and I are having terrible problems with his 9 yr old son. He has told us more then a dozen times that he is completely alright with us being together, getting married, etc. But we are now experiencing problems.....he (the son) tells her mother (who is a total psycho stalker{we have a restraining order against her}) everything that occurs in our home, makes up lies about me, my children and his father. He constantly lies to us, disrespects us and ignores every word we say. He is concerned only with getting what he can from us. I will not leave my home for him, stiffle my children from speaking with his father or end my relationship. Someone please help us. We are at the end of the line with this child. Also his mother does not make him listen, respect, behave, do homework, care for himself (personal hygene wise) or feed him well {fast food every nite she can't cook}. We cannot at this time take him from his home so that is not an answer.
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Okay so we are in the same situation although my step son lives with his grandparents my husbands parents they wont even let him stay at my home but I am allowed to watch him when he is sick? Any who you have to stay strong when he is with you time out every single time he talks back or yells or hurts someone. At dinner time he has to sit at the table until his food is gone. dont go to the bathroom or anything. If he has to go to the bathroom that bad he could finish his food so he could go. Now I assume your husband has some sort of custdy of him. Get him a counsler. I assume its the children whom get to stay and live with you too and he has to come and go that causes the problems. Or dad is showing the other kids more attention and the child feels hes not getting enough/
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I agree with Zane that counselling is the most likely answer to the problem. First one on one counseling for him so he has a confident he can confide in who will keep his confidence. Then family counseling with you and his father.
I see a lot of maybes' here that he may not know how to approach you on. It is entirely possible that when he is with you he likes what he sees and is not getting at home. My meaning is he would prefer to live with you and his dad rather that with his mother. Like I said maybe.
Kids are smarter than we give them credit for. He may know what he wants and needs. If your home offers him more security, more love, more of anything he is missing. This maybe the only way he feels he can get it without angering his mom or showing favoritism. I'm sure he loves both his parents and feels he is somehow caught in the middle.
Somehow you and your fiance need to find civility between the two of you and his ex; especially around the boy as this is probably also effecting him. This is a major problem in all divorces. The exes need to be civil to each other for the sake of the children, in the presence of the children and in speaking to the children about the ex. Divorce is more complicated then simple when children are involved as they feel they need to take sides when the parents argue in front of them or vie for their affection.
This young man is in trouble. Trying to place blame is not the answer. The answer for all three adults is to get this young man someone he can confide in who can help him come to terms with what is bothering him. In the child's mind the adults are the problem here. They rocked his world. Now the adults have to do right by him. Punishment is not the answer, as his actions are that of crying out for help. Get him that help and then listen to the counselors as to what he needs to stabilize his world.
Every child is different. Don't judge him by yours.
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You should speak to his father about talking to his son, Communicate with him. This is the only way to really work things out.
For one, You do not need a 9 year old boys permission to marry or be with someone.
Really what the child needs is either some sort of counseling, The father needs to have a one on one talk with him and set boundaries. If the son isn't willing to follow the rules then he shouldn't be allowed to stay at the house. You are his fathers wife, The child needs to learn to except it and respect that. The boy could be acting out on relations to his mother and father divorcing. Likewise he is having a hard time adjusting to the fact that his father is no longer with his mother. You should bare in mind that this is a child, A child should never control your life and the choices you make. Again, You are going to have to talk to with this father. If the child is this far out of hand HE needs to step up and do something.
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