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How do I even meet girls?
20/M
My whole life I've been very sheltered. I have very few friends and I'm not that close to my family. I had 4 girlfriends before I was 18. The longest relationship I had lasted almost a year. I've been single for 2 years now.
I'm a virgin, even though I'm great at pleasuring girls sexually in all other ways.
I've been told a lot that I'm quite attractive, with an athletic body. My family is very wealthy, and I have plenty of money. I have a genius IQ and am going to a university (still living at home) and studying in cognitive neurochemistry and biotechnology. I have traveled the world, and have great social skills, and can make people laugh really easily. But I just don't have any close friends. The friends I do have are all nerdy guys who have never touched women.
I don't really have any friends at college. I tried online dating, but it made me kinda feel like a loser because I cant find a girl in real life to be with, plus meeting in person for the first time might be awkward. The women I go out with have all been emotionally abusive as well, which makes me even more reluctant to really try to get into a relationship because I feel like I'm just going to be treated like I'm worthless for the 10th time.
I just don't know how or where to meet people to be honest. Would you consider online dating to be kind of pathetic? I don't like parties, not that I know enough people to be invited to them. I'm too young to go to bars. And I'm not interested in any school or community clubs.
People always tell me "just go out and meet people go to parties and stuff lol", but I'm just not built that way. Is there something wrong with me? All the girlfriends I have had I met in high school or driving school. Now that I'm not around girls that often, I have no chance of getting a girlfriend, never mind a good one.
What do I do? The only time I really feel happy and satisfied is when I have been in relationships, even bad ones. I'm happy with myself, I just hate being so alone all the time.
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I am going to go straight down to the root of your problem...
First off, you need to be confident. It sounds to me like you are a bit insecure with who you truly are. You need to be able to hold your head up high, and be who you want to be without having to worry about judgement. Yes, even the bravest people have insecurities. You need to stand up as an individual and be confident in who you are.
Secondly, there is nothing wrong with online dating. Many people use it as a way to meet new people that share the same interests etc. If you are shy, then maybe online dating will eventually help you with your shyness. But please do not feel like a loser. Many people use sites like this. They are meant to help you, not lower your self esteem.
To be honest, all you have to do is work with yourself. Keep your head up, and boost your confidence. Be proud of who you are, and what you can accomplish. Take things slow, make small bold attempts... Eventually you will find the women who will like you for who you are. Best of Luck!
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Oh, Hi! I am single and 19 ;)
Kidding, kidding. :)
All right. One thing I have learnt over the years is the importance of breaking out of your comfort zone, regularly. And realized that the fear and inner resistance becomes smaller and smaller, when you are regular at it.
I would suggest that you break out of your comfort zone as soon as possible. You will experience and learn new things, and it will bring to you happiness, confidence, and satisfaction, and something you so badly want, your girl.
Now, you think you are young to go to a bar.
You don't want to go to a
party.
You say no to community clubs.
Face it: You don't want to step out of your comfort zone.
Trust me, it will bring you no good. YOU have the power to change it, so do it! It will not only help you get over your social anxiety but it is crucial for your growth too.
1. Do you fear going to a pub? Then do it! Take that first step. No, my friend, 20 is not young. You are not 'young' but a young adult. The reason you dont wanna go there is because you fear being uncomfortable, and socially awkward. Find a friend who would accompany you, and just go! You might just meet a girl who would be interested in knowing you.
2. What would do you like to do? Reading? Music? Gym? Sports? Any hobby? If yes, then go join the online forum or club. But I suggest you join real clubs, because only then you will find people who have common interests FOR real. YES, you got to take small steps towards breaking out from that comfort zone, it is essential and the best way you will find that girl. Usually online dating doesn't work out and from experience I say, you find fake people and high chances that you will be mistaken about them. No, it is not pathetic, but it definitely is not the best way out.
3. So, you go to study at a university? why not interact with people more? High chances you will find your girl there itself! It will also help you gain more self esteem and inner satisfaction.
4. Why so insecure?
'The only time I really feel happy and satisfied is when I have been in relationships, even bad ones.'
You don't wanna go out to places 'looking for' a girl. This will make you feel low in terms of self esteem. Come on, you have to first feel secure about yourself and not be someone who 'needs' a girl.
You are attractive. Genius IQ. You are a wonderful person, so stop being insecure to that extent that you even like bad relationships.
I am single and happy. I don't 'need' someone for company. But I know when I find the right guy and feel good about it, I would go for it.
Essentially you NEED to step out of your comfort zone, unless you want your life to be stagnant and the same. For that change, GO OUT, try something unusual and overcome your fears.
Wish you the best. Hope it helped a bit. :)
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First things first. There is nothing wrong with online dating, more on this in a bit. Second and very important is that when you do meet a girl is not to immediately acknowledge the fact that you are wealthy. The last thing you want is some women to latch on to you because she is a gold digger.
My usual advice to questions like yours is to ask them to sit down with pen and paper and make a list of those things that interests them. These would include school clubs and community clubs. You would also list things like hiking, camping, fishing, photography and even bird watching if this is something that interests you.
The idea behind this list is to prioritize these things in order of interest then look for clubs that are organized around these things. Why do this? Simple, as you said you have a hard time starting a conversation with people especially women. When you have a common interest you have a common ground by which to have a conversation. Maybe you are just listening to a group when something is said that you can offer to the conversation. Now you have broken the ice with these people.
Essentially this is what these online dating services do. They match your interest and education with a like minded women. There is someone out there who is a match for you. The dating service shortcuts the process of finding her or then for you. Common interests is the building block for a lasting relationship.
I'm sure you've heard the expression beauty is only skin deep. This is very true. Beauty is designed to attack the opposite sex. Sex without a solid foundation to build a relationship on is like trying to build a house on quick sand. In my mind online dating takes you beyond the attraction phase into the foundation building phase. From there the sexual attraction will come as you get to know the person that lies just below the skin.
You're not a loser for using online dating. Many important and busy people who don't have the time to date have used online dating to find a mate. Try again this time with a positive attitude.
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Well it sounds like you are limiting yourself. You can't really blame anyone but yourself. To me its as if you are stuck inside your comfort bubble and staying there isn't going to get you a girlfriend.
You don't like online dating and I understand why but it is a way to meet people now a days. I met a guy on there and we dated for a bit but it didn't work out. Sometimes you have to give it a try before you can really make a judgement. Now I'm not talking about an role play site where you meet someone off a 'Harry Potter' site or something. Why not try okcupid.com? It's a great site where you can try tests to match yourself with girls who maybe your type.
You're too young for clubs I understand that then why not go hang out with some friends or friends of friends. By networking you meet people heck that's how I met my boyfriend, I met him through a friend. Networking is a great way to meet people and you never know what you might find.
You're not interested in school or community clubs? Again you're limiting your options here. Do you like sports? Try a sport or something! I think you need to stop making excuses and stop feeling bad pick yourself back up and get out there and meet people. By not socializing you're not helping yourself in finding a girlfriend.
The fact that you only feel happy when you're in a relationship isn't good either, you need to be happy with yourself and you need to be comfortable with you. A girl isn't going to 'fix' anything and relationships cause a lot of 'ups' and 'downs'. Good luck and hope it all works out!
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I'm going to say this, there is NOTHING wrong with being nerdy, or online dating. With online dating, you can hide the fact that you're wealthy. And with luck, find someone who will enjoy you for who you are, and not what you have. I can understand not wishing to go to parties to meet people.. To a point at least... I dislike big crowds, and in my honest opinion, meeting a girl at a party may not be a good idea.. Especially if you are still a virgin. Most party girls are... not very proper. But really it all depends on yourself. I suggest, learn to be happy and satisfied with yourself FIRST, THEN worry about dating someone. If you can't be happy and satisfied with yourself, neither will the person you try to end up with. Compatibility is VERY important in a relationship. I also, if I were you, would not let the potential girlfriend know that you are wealthy.. It could end up making the relationship a sad one. And as I have said before, online dating is NOT a pathetic way to find someone. You just always want to ensure that this someone is who they actually say they are. There are many sites to meet people, close and far away. Look at what your hobbies are. IE Video games, animes.. That type of stuff. Then check out online for any forums/chat rooms or w/e to talk to people who have the same interests as you do. Makes it much easier ^_^ If you're into certain things like comic books, mtg tournies, or the like (mtg = Magic the gathering <33 xD) I would suggest going to those types of places. You'd be surprised how many girls do enjoy those types of things. I think anyone would want a person who has the same interests as their significant other does. And previously stated, there is nothing wrong with nerdy girls T.T I'm nerdy, geeky, dorky, you name it, but I believe I'm very pretty >;/ Perhaps you need yourself a nerdy girl. I think nerdy girls are much more enjoyable to be around. -nods- You don't want to be in a relationship where they physically/emotionally abuse you. So go to some forums, you may meet the girl that is right for you in one. And be sure it's a forum/chat that caters to your hobbies/likes. I don't know if it was helpful, but I hope it was. Good luck, and don't give up! <3
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