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I need to vent, is it too much to ask for?
Ok so here's the scoop. My husband and I both are in our 20s. He just got back from a year long deployment in October. Lately i've felt like he doesnt want anything to do with me. He's constantly playing his video games. Like literally all the time! He gets mad when i ask him if he will do simply tasks such as the dishes or just picking up the house a little bit. He's currently on unemployment due to just coming back from deployment. I currently work full time and pregnant. He gets irritated when i ask for a little help and says i need to stop nagging him. I feel like nothing will get done if i dont and the reason i've seen that is because thats how it goes. If i dont push him to do something he wont do it. When i get home from work, i'm tired, exhausted and just wanna relax. But the moment i walk in the door he tells me like oh the dogs need to be fed, etc. I'm just like you cant do simple tasks while i'm at work? He literally sits on the couch playing on his xbox or computer. I just cant handle it. He doesnt spend any time with me. I usually go to bed around midnight due to work, and he doesnt come to bed until like 6am or sometimes 8am. I have to like beg him to come to bed and he'll leave sometimes when i fall asleep just to make me happy but of course i wake up in the middle of the night due to being pregnant and having to pee a lot sorry TMI and find him once again on his games. I'm worried that once the baby comes he's going to continue in his ways, granted the baby isnt due until July but still. Any advice or suggestions on what i should do? I do rate and thanks for reading i just had to get this outta my system!
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There are a few people I know who have these kinds of issues with their men, and some of them just aren't very good at being grown-ups, some don't think it's necessarily a responsibility to shoulder the weight. I do think that your situation may be a little more unique however, at least to the people I know. I have a number of good friends that spent time over-sea's, in fact I almost signed up myself.
When soldiers return their families and friends all want to spend time with them and have things be like they were before, but think about what kind of atmosphere your husband was living in for the past year. He was an entire world away from you and his home, the thing he grew to know was doing what must be done, surviving, and having the (forgive the word, for lack of a better term) luxury of having things be more simple. Do your job, follow orders, survive. I am not saying that our soldiers that are fighting for us have it easy by any means, but to suddenly be thrust back into "normal life" is huge! Maybe he needs some time out with some buddies he served with, if that is possible.
Your husband still hasn't been back very long, try to be understanding of the transition he's trying to make. I know that you need help and understanding right now too. I've been pregnant, and it ain't no picnic. This will take a lot of time, and even more patience and understanding on your part.
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I have the same problem with my boyfriend. He would play the game ALL day if I'd let him; than I hear him screaming and cursing at the TV when he dies or something. It irriates me. We live together and when I need help with some house work, he gets all pissy and doesn't do it. Its irritating. It takes TWO people in a relationship and not just one, ya know?
God Bless you for doing everything your doing AND being pregnant! I could not imagine doing what your doing and having someone there who isn't helping at all!
If what the user below me said is true, than you need to really get him help. I just don't see what that problem has to do with games?
If I was you, while he's sleeping or something, I'd take the game away. I'd hide the X-Box, all his games, the remote, and even put a password on the computer. Yes this may make him mad, but tell him you need to talk to him, and this was the only way you could think of to actually sit down and speak to him without being interupted.
Let him know how you feel. Don't bash him, or be rude. Just be calm, cool, and collected. Let him know that being pregnant, working full time, plus house work is really hard. Pregnancy limits you to some things, and it also makes you run out of energy alot quicker than not being pregnant.
The only thing you can do, is talk to him. Sometimes talking doesn't really work; but you need to just let him know that it takes two people in a relationship, and the household responsibilities aren't just yours, their his too. Since you work 8+ hours a day, it would be nice to come home to a clean house so you can just relax and be with him. Enjoy each others company.
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You do not say where your husband was deployed to. If I assume it was to one of the war zones I can make the assumption that your husband is suffering from PTSD. Some of the things you write about are symptomatic of PTSD and need to be treated. Many of our returning soldiers have problems acclimating to civilian life partly due to PTSD.
One question before I go any further. You say your husband is unemployed. Was he employed be for he left? If so his former employer is required by law to give him his job back. If his job was eliminated or if they had to employ someone to do his job his employer must still take him back in a similar, equal or greater capacity. If his employer has refused to take him back contact the military command he was discharged from. Failure to reemploy a returning veteran is a Federal offense with huge fines to the employer who refused to give the veteran their job back.
The Military has programs for returning veterans to help them with PTSD. He needs to contact the Veterans Administration for assistance. I'll be frank, at the moment the red tape here is staggering due to under funding and you may want to enlist the help of your Congressman. If you have health insurance form work this is the better way to get you husband the help he needs. Till you need to go through the Veterans Administration as well.
He will probably fight you on this and tell you he is fine. He is not! He needs help and you are going to have to stand your ground and help him get the help he needs. You need to find doctors that specialize in this type of PTSD.
Your insurance company's mental health benefits may be managed by an outside coordinator. If so call them and ask for doctors in your area that are trained in returning war veterans PTSD treatment.
I realize this is hard on you especially being pregnant. Your husband needs your help, not your anger. If he is suffering from PTSD he is not being lazy and his sleep habits are what they are for a reason. It's hard to explain to someone that has not experienced what may have. He needs help to put the war behind him and to learn how to reenter the world we all live in.
Please help him. He has done much to protect our way of life. Now it is up to you and the country to protect and help him.
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