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What happened to us?? Where did the spark go?
So I have been dating my boyfriend for a little over two years now... and we've really gotten into a routine. I am SO in love with him and can't imagine my life without him, but at the same time am quite frustrated with the way things are going. He always wants to make out, but for me it's gotten boring. It feels like a chore now... and I don't understand because I used to love it. I would always want to make out with him but now it's not the same. I don't know what's happened. And it isn't just the making out... it's hanging out too. We do the SAME things all the time and it makes me crazy. I've brought this up before and we've done things to make it more interesting and it works for a while but we always end up going back to watching tv for hours. Since we are planning to get married, this really worries me. I know relationships lose the initial spark after a while, but if this is how it is after 2 years Im afraid things wont work in marriage.
In a way, it feels like we are already married. Like when we go out to dinner occasionally we can barely find things to talk about.I dont feel like we are completely in sync with each other. I dont know what to do. We have gone through this before and come through it and I cant imagine myself without him. I never want to break up with him.
Could it be that Im just not feeling attracted to him anymore? How do I get that back? How can we get the spark back?
Thanks(:
P.S. While I dont want to break up with him, I do sometimes catch myself wondering what it's like to have more dating experience etc. Im so lost, please help!
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There may be a couple of things at work here. One thing I would have liked to know is how old the two of you are, especially in light of you're saying; "I do sometimes catch myself wondering what it's like to have more dating experience etc."
Lets start with sex. If sex is the foundation of your relationship then you may be right in what your thinking is. You may want a more intellectual plane as well a the sexual side of your relationship. Women also like and need romance in their relationships including marriage. A hug and kiss when coming home, the occasional flowers whrn there not a reason for them is important to women. What do men want? What they have always wanted. A good women who keeps house, cooks the food, cares for and raises the kids and is an absolute whore in the bedroom.
If you look at these wants one wonders how marriages and relationships ever work out. Mariages are called partnerships for a reason. In every relationship there needs to be compromise. You want romance and to be made to feel sexy. He wants sex. There is room for compromise. You want intimacy (which is not just sex) he wants sex and football. he needs to learn to be more intimate.
I've been married for 40+ years and when we go out to dinner we don't always have things to talk about or didn't. We found new things we could share an interest in. During NASCAR season we have plenty to talk about as we have become avid race fans. We each scour the sports pages looking for racing news. I like to cook and I am learning to bake. Something we can both do together.
Relationships need to evolve and to do that you both have to work at it. This is where your desire for a more intellectual plane comes in. You need to fine things of mutual interest. Sports is always a good place to start. Then there are other interest to explore of which there are thousands. The two of you just have to communicate to each other the desire to take your relationship to a higher level than just sex.
Any relationship built on just one mutual interest, be it sex or anything else,the parties will find themselves where your are today. Wanting more to the relationship. Wanting more is a good thing. Communicating that to your partner is important if the relationship is to grow and mature.
Talk to your partner. Tell him how you feel as him to work with you to find mutual interest outside the bedroom. Tell him you need more intimacy in the bedroom. You need to work at growing interested in things he likes as well as finding things of mutual interest.
You are at a normal point in your relationship. what needs to happen is to have honest communication between you two. Find mutual interest above the sexual level. Take interest in what the other wants and is interested in. This is how relationships grow and mature.
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You really need to sort out how you feel before you even think of walking down the isle.
If you two do the same things everyday then come up with a game plan. While the winter is approaching it will be harder to do things together but if you both enjoy the outdoors maybe you could look into going skiing, snowboarding or even tubing together. My partner and I had the same problem awhile back, We would do similar things and after awhile we both were bored out of our minds. Try doing something you both don't normally do, You two could go to the mall and just walk around and talk. Find something you both enjoy doing together. Instead of going out to dinner go and see a movie you both have been wanting to see. Play board games, Plan a dinner at home where you both could make something together. If this is unmanageable then I would really start to rethink whether you should proceed the relationship with this guy as something like this could backfire if you two were to get married.
One thing I would recommend is also trying to spend some days apart, If you have friends then plan a day to go off for awhile and have some time to yourself. This will help the relationship breathe and give you two some time apart so you aren't overwhelmed constantly. They key to a healthy relationship is to know when to take a day off with family and friends.
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