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Pressurised into giving handjob?
I'm a girl & 18. My boyfriend and I was on the sofa and we was kissing. I never let him touch me down below (i have strong views)and he kept moving my hands to his private area. He's done this before and Ive said to him I dont want to do anything yet as im not ready. Yesterday in the cinema he pushed my hand under his trousers but above his boxers. Today he did the same but tried it under his boxers and said to me to touch it for 5 seconds. ofc i said no and then he got it out and was saying to me dont you like it, dont you like me, dont you want me and told me to hold it and i just really like him so much like in all other aspects of our realtionship he treats me so well and hes the best boyfriend ive ever had and so i did because i felt almost bad for not wanting to and so this lead to him telling me to give him a hand job. Idk what to think i really like or even love my boyfriend but my best friend says its not right... advice?
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First of all anytime someone is forced to preform a sexual act against their will it is rape, even if it is just a hand job. It is a sexual assault which is rape to a lesser degree.
More importantly, since I doubt you will charge your boyfriend with rape. What I'm readying here is your boyfriend is not respecting you. In order for sex to be enjoyable, including handjobs and oral sex, it must be consensual for both participants. You did not consent, you were coerced into giving him a hand job. That is not consent on your part and this shows the lack of respect he has for you.
You have your values, which you are entitled to. He must respect those values regardless of whether he agrees with them. A hand job is just a hand job, masturbation by someone else, but is it sex? The answer is something like the saying; "beauty is in the eye of the beholder."
If you see it as sex then it is sex. You need to make your values perfectly clear to your boyfriend. Giving him a hand job was not right for you and your values. If you feel bad that you did this, then tell him and tell it it won't happen again. Tell him if he keeps pressuring you for sex he needs to find someone else.
Fact is as my mother use to say; "there are more fish in the sea." There is a young man out there who will respect your values who will love you for who you are and not what you can give him. You in turn will love him for respecting you and your values.
Do not ever be pressured into doing something you are not comfortable with; especially sex.
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I don't know what the laws in your country are, but in many states in the U.S. what your boyfriend is doing technically constitutes sexual assault and can engender prison time and sex offender registration.
I have to say this, though: what is your objection to giving him a handjob? I can understand not wanting to do it in a public place, but there is nothing wrong with getting him off with your hand. It isn't dirty, it isn't sinful (God, religion has screwed up so many sex lives) and it gives him pleasure. I'm sure he would like to pleasure you, too. Do you think his penis is dirty or evil or some other nonsense?
There is a rational reason for not having sexual intercourse: the fear of pregnancy. But you won't get knocked up by a handjob and you won't get an STD from it.
Look, it's your body and only you can determine what you want to happen with it; but personally, if I were your boyfriend, I would go find someone else with a more rational attitude toward sex rather than someone who allows some pastor or other propagandizing hustler to dictate the terms of her sex life.
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The guy is manipulating you to get what he wants, If someone really was truly into you they would RESPECT you. This guy might seem like the dream guy but reality is he is manipulating and he isn't taking no for an answer. Dump him
Your best friend is looking out for you and she is right, The guy is trying to use you. Dump him and find yourself a guy who will respect you and wait until you are ready without talking you otherwise.
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I completely, totally agree 100% with your best friend. What he's doing, how he's pressuring you to do things that you explicitly stated you are not ready for and do not want to do, is not right. If you are not ready, you are not ready. YOU KNOW YOU BEST. There is no reason he has the right to do what he's doing and say the things he's saying. It seems to me that he's saying the things he is to guilt you in to performing sexually, and it looks like it's working. This is not fair. It's pressure, and it's just plain wrong. I personally would classify this under sexual harassment. Talk to him, and if he isn't willing to recognize that you aren't ready, than you shouldn't be with him. I suggest giving him a chance to apologize and change his actions, but if he doesn't change, drop him. Because this could possibly escalate to more serious things and him forcing you to do even more that you do not want to. It doesn't matter how much you love him, if he doesn't respect you and your boundaries, HE IS NOT WORTH IT.
That's my advice. Good luck :)
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