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Home Problems: My parents hate me. I am an only child.
Why do my parents hate me? I'm an only child.
1. I've been getting the 1st rank in school since I was in pre-nursery and now I'm in the 10th grade. They just take a look at my report card and say nothing, or add a spiteful remark about how I've got an A2 in a subject(which is rare, I always get an A1).
2.If I ever ask for something, they promise that they'll fetch it tomorrow but that tomorrow never comes, even if I remind them every day.
3.If I take help in my studies from the internet, my mother will always say "You copy all the homework from the internet. You never study at all. I've never seen you studying." My dad then proceeds to agree with her and tells me that "All the world is working and you are wasting your time on the computer."
4. Mostly , I don't say anything but sometimes I snap and tell them that all they do is criticize me. On this, they suddenly behave innocently and my mother claims "I don't even talk to you, how have I criticized you? I have not." My father will side with my mother.
5. I study by my own. They keep on comparing me with other children. Even though I get the best grades, it's always how Jennie "goes to the coaching class every day" or how Ray "is in tuition for eight hours every day". They say "You should go to a tuition center. Every person needs help and you're not some fairy from Mars."
6. My mother and father, especially my mother always keeps on telling me to "reduce weight" or "how fat are your thighs" or "how is your stomach becoming like a balloon" or how "fat your arms and legs are". They make me feel so self-conscious. I am 5'6" and weigh 117 pounds. Is that obese?
7. I don't get acne but when on the rare occasion I do, they'll instantly tell me "how bad is your skin", "your whole forehead is decorated with pimples", "I never had pimples, are you sure you're my daughter?"
There are plenty of other things but I can't make the question too long. They make me feel unhappy, worthless, useless, fat and stupid.I've tried to talk diplomatically to them many times but they always avoid the question or say that "You're an ungrateful devil, no one should have a child like you." They claim that they love me. But I don't think so.
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From the looks of it, you kind of have pair of controlling parents. These kind of parents are generally the ones who tries to make you fell low of yourself to make sure you follow everything they demand. If this takes to far, you might feel you're not yourself.
I could ask you to try and flunk a test to get their attention but it only make it worse. For the first question, i think your parents wants to show off their parenting skills when they talk with other parents. Telling them how much they spend so much time with you and their clever mind to make you not getting below A grade. So when you get A2 or below, they might lose a bit of perfection in their "parenting skills" in others point of view. This I can truly understand, because i'm in class with kids who most them has that kind of parents. Don't stress yourself too hard on that, when if so you get an A2,don't blame yourself about not studying hard enough, because sometimes snide remarks from parents could cause tension in the brain.
If you want to fetch something, fetch it yourself or ask a friend to help you. If you want to buy something but they say will but never will, don't even think of trying again, it will make matters worse especially the disappointment in your heart. This will cause a little tension but when your parents ask why you didn't ask them to fetch, says you are learning to be independent. That will stop their snide remarks. Before you went to internet to research, ask your parents foremost about the subjects, if they ignore you or ask you to research it yourself, double check that sentence. Them asking you research it by yourself is by all means letting you to surf the internet for information. If they still criticize you, search the internet in front of them.
If you really snap, don't bother telling to your parents who will only denial it. You could always complain slightly (almost visible but at the same time not kind of complain or just directly complain or rant) to relatives or friends. It will make you feel better to vent it out, or you could always come to the internet. if they compare you to other people, don't take it as a criticism make it seems that you are more interest in your achievements than the ones they compare. Because they only want to make you feel low and pathetic compare to others. Be positive and switch such remarks as motivation, if they say Jen is taking class every day, tell them that its okay because you like the competition if she gets better. Good competitiveness has its benefits as they say.
Don't take it by heart for what they say about your appearance. Believe in yourself and for what you are. Your parents is visibly letting you know that they don't care much about you and they care only about how your looks and achievement appeals to them and their status.
Once you get to University, you'll be free. Its just couple of years away. Remember to stay positive even if your parents shunned you, it means that they want you to be "Perfect" in others and their eyes but not respecting your wishes to be respect and deserve some love. If things got worse, consult your school counselor or you can find some help on the net. -Sorry for my English, its not my first language
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It would help if I knew your age though not totally material to how I'm going to answer. It appears you are form a country other then the USA, again not material. Only than for you to understand that this is what I am most familiar with in the way of schooling.
First with your weight: According to the height and weight chart I used and depending on your frame size, small, medium or large. You are anywhere from 3 lbs under weight to 23 pounds underweight. IF you are large framed you are seriously underweight and need to see a doctor.
How your parents can say you're fat is beyond me. If you are athletic in any way it is very possible your thighs will be larger then another girl your age. Simply because muscle is and will be more dense than fat. My advice if this is the case just let these comments roll off your back.
It is unfortunate that some parents can never be satisfied by their children. They will always find fault with them. This doesn't mean you should rollover and give up. It means you will just have to persevere until you complete your primary education and go on to college.
Hopefully in college you can live in the dorms and enjoy a true college experience. An experience without the day to day interference and degradation from your parents.
In their own way your parents do love you. Of this I am absolutely sure of. It is possible that your ability to excel in school without the need of tutors or other aids is one of jealousy. There are a lot of reasons for jealousy that start with them having had more trouble in school then you are having to their friends being jealous of you because you are smarter than their kids. There is truly no reason for people to be jealous of one another. If we could eliminate jealousy this world would be a far better place to live.
You should be very proud of what you have accomplished in school. It sounds as if you work very hard to maintain good grades. Just reading what you have written about yourself makes me proud of you. Especially the part about not talking back to your parents. This shows great restraint on your par. It also shows a great deal of maturity regardless of your age.
Since I am not sure of your country of residence I cannot be sure of the advice I could give you regarding other ways you might deal with the abuse from your parents. If you would like more advice write back to me in a private message giving me your country of residence and your age. If I am familiar with the laws of your country I will give you more advice.
The reason I am withholding any further advice is the last thing I want to do is get you in trouble. So far you are doing everything right. Hang in their and continue what you are doing. When you are older and can move out on your own you decide on what earns you wish to have your parents in your life. Until then continue to learn all you can in school. Go on to college so you can find a good job and you dependence on your parents will diminish in the future.
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im not going to tell you that your parents dont love you cause they probubly do. they are just not good parents. it sounds like you want your parents respect and to make them proud. every kid wants there parents to be proud of them. all the good grades that you get and all of your accomplishments you have made. do for yourself not your parents. and about the whole obesity thing your not fat your uder what someone 5'8 is supposed to wheigh. your supposed to be at 126 lbs. if you still do feel self concise about your weight then all you have to do is eat healthy and do some cardeo workouts. like going for a jog around the block. or streches. there is not much i can tell you about how to make your parents stop treating you like this all you can do is tell them flat out how you are feeling and hopefully they pull there heads out of each others asses.
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