Member Since: December 16, 2010
Answers: 1
Last Update: December 5, 2011
Visitors: 371
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Why do my parents hate me? I'm an only child.
1. I've been getting the 1st rank in school since I was in pre-nursery and now I'm in the 10th grade. They just take a look at my report card and say nothing, or add a spiteful remark about how I've got an A2 in a subject(which is rare, I always get an A1).
2.If I ever ask for something, they promise that they'll fetch it tomorrow but that tomorrow never comes, even if I remind them every day.
3.If I take help in my studies from the internet, my mother will always say "You copy all the homework from the internet. You never study at all. I've never seen you studying." My dad then proceeds to agree with her and tells me that "All the world is working and you are wasting your time on the computer."
4. Mostly , I don't say anything but sometimes I snap and tell them that all they do is criticize me. On this, they suddenly behave innocently and my mother claims "I don't even talk to you, how have I criticized you? I have not." My father will side with my mother.
5. I study by my own. They keep on comparing me with other children. Even though I get the best grades, it's always how Jennie "goes to the coaching class every day" or how Ray "is in tuition for eight hours every day". They say "You should go to a tuition center. Every person needs help and you're not some fairy from Mars."
6. My mother and father, especially my mother always keeps on telling me to "reduce weight" or "how fat are your thighs" or "how is your stomach becoming like a balloon" or how "fat your arms and legs are". They make me feel so self-conscious. I am 5'6" and weigh 117 pounds. Is that obese?
7. I don't get acne but when on the rare occasion I do, they'll instantly tell me "how bad is your skin", "your whole forehead is decorated with pimples", "I never had pimples, are you sure you're my daughter?"
There are plenty of other things but I can't make the question too long. They make me feel unhappy, worthless, useless, fat and stupid.I've tried to talk diplomatically to them many times but they always avoid the question or say that "You're an ungrateful devil, no one should have a child like you." They claim that they love me. But I don't think so. (link)
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From the looks of it, you kind of have pair of controlling parents. These kind of parents are generally the ones who tries to make you fell low of yourself to make sure you follow everything they demand. If this takes to far, you might feel you're not yourself.
I could ask you to try and flunk a test to get their attention but it only make it worse. For the first question, i think your parents wants to show off their parenting skills when they talk with other parents. Telling them how much they spend so much time with you and their clever mind to make you not getting below A grade. So when you get A2 or below, they might lose a bit of perfection in their "parenting skills" in others point of view. This I can truly understand, because i'm in class with kids who most them has that kind of parents. Don't stress yourself too hard on that, when if so you get an A2,don't blame yourself about not studying hard enough, because sometimes snide remarks from parents could cause tension in the brain.
If you want to fetch something, fetch it yourself or ask a friend to help you. If you want to buy something but they say will but never will, don't even think of trying again, it will make matters worse especially the disappointment in your heart. This will cause a little tension but when your parents ask why you didn't ask them to fetch, says you are learning to be independent. That will stop their snide remarks. Before you went to internet to research, ask your parents foremost about the subjects, if they ignore you or ask you to research it yourself, double check that sentence. Them asking you research it by yourself is by all means letting you to surf the internet for information. If they still criticize you, search the internet in front of them.
If you really snap, don't bother telling to your parents who will only denial it. You could always complain slightly (almost visible but at the same time not kind of complain or just directly complain or rant) to relatives or friends. It will make you feel better to vent it out, or you could always come to the internet. if they compare you to other people, don't take it as a criticism make it seems that you are more interest in your achievements than the ones they compare. Because they only want to make you feel low and pathetic compare to others. Be positive and switch such remarks as motivation, if they say Jen is taking class every day, tell them that its okay because you like the competition if she gets better. Good competitiveness has its benefits as they say.
Don't take it by heart for what they say about your appearance. Believe in yourself and for what you are. Your parents is visibly letting you know that they don't care much about you and they care only about how your looks and achievement appeals to them and their status.
Once you get to University, you'll be free. Its just couple of years away. Remember to stay positive even if your parents shunned you, it means that they want you to be "Perfect" in others and their eyes but not respecting your wishes to be respect and deserve some love. If things got worse, consult your school counselor or you can find some help on the net. -Sorry for my English, its not my first language
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