how do i get people to not believe i'm not a slut?
Question Posted Monday October 24 2011, 9:14 am
since i was a freshmen & a virgin i have always been bullied and told i was a slut and to be honest i had only kissed one guy and i thought it was just a temporary thing. when i finally lost my virginity at 16 with a guy i liked a lot i had left him for i was embarrassed and ashamed that i didn't wait. so i didn't have sex for the rest of the year until i met another guy who i was with and had sex with him but that didn't last very long and so i went on and didn't have sex for another year and during that time i use to always drink & people just couldn't stop thinking i was a slut and i was having sex with the world so when i had a new boyfriend months later & quit drinking & stayed with him people from my old school kept repeating to him that i was a slut and to be honest it's embarrassing though i know im not & he knows, it sucks because i can't seem to get people to believe me. If i have a guy friend they think i'm doing him too and i hate that, what should i do? by the way i'm 19 now
1. You are giving way too much power over your psyche to bullies. Their opinions are meaningless because the bully agenda is so screwed up and often based in fear and insecurity. Therefore, taking anything they say seriously results in a lot of unnecessary wasted energy. So dismiss anything they say out of hand.
2. You are still pretty confused out of what you want in regard to partners. At your age, this is very normal. You made some mistakes, but everybody does. So you are no different from anyone else in that regard.
3. You are feeling guilt and shame from how you perceive you handled things in the past. There is good and bad about this. The good is that the past mistakes become examples of what not to do; the bad is that you can eat yourself up emotionally over it even though your intentions were not to hurt people. Sometimes, people just put themselves in no win situations. All you can do is learn from them, So stop attaching value judgments and resolve to be more certain in how you feel about someone in the future before you commit yourself.
4. There is no such thing as a slut, especially in your case. Your body is your own anyway and you can't let third parties interfere with how you use it. Sex is like anything else: you manage it responsibly to minimize possible negative outcomes. I personally never ask my girlfriends about their past partners because it is not only none of my business, but if she comes to the relationship acting in good faith and isn 't bringing any diseases into my bed how wild she may have been before she met me is a non-issue. People evolve over time, as you are.
You seem pretty sincere to me. As long as you try to act ethically you're a good person, no matter what bullshit anyone else might spout about you. Moreover, nothing that goes on in high school will count later in life anyway. So don't obsess on it. Relax and keep things as simple and uncomplicated as possible and you'll be fine. [ VoiceofReason's advice column | Ask VoiceofReason A Question ]
Sammiejojo answered Wednesday November 2 2011, 7:10 pm: You can be a virgin and a slut at the same time. It could be because you bounce back and forth between guys alot. I consider my bestfriend a slut. Not because she sleeps around alot but, because the way she dresses. Its controversial but, It my opinion, if you dress with the intentions of arousing guys, than you dress skanky. [ Sammiejojo's advice column | Ask Sammiejojo A Question ]
LostAngel answered Monday October 24 2011, 6:52 pm: Just ignore it, they have no lives and they rather talk about you than live their own life.
Trust me.. around this time last year I started talking to a guy I worked with at my old store.. and word got around and people couldn't stop talking about it.. then I left the store I was at..and stopped talking to the guy, I moved for 7 months across country to do an amazing program.. then I moved back home.. and went back to the store I was at before I left.. and 4 people have asked me if he and I still talk... like seriously? I just find it funny and an honor that people are taking their time to talk about me and what not.
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