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disturbed about my girlfriends past..
hello everyone.. i can't stop thinking about my girlfriend's past.. she had relationship with other guy for 6 yrs...we have been in relations for 8 months now.. lately i only picture of her being in physical activities wid other guy. i am sorry i might sound somewhat weird but it wasn't my problem when she told me everything at the beginning.. sometime i think i deserve better woman than her... i tend to think nowadays that she was used and dumped so i don't know if i would be able to love her as a wife.. having these things in mind.. we used to talk about getting married soon but now i am confused. can you guys give me some advices..
its not that i have not fool around wid other gals before but still ....double standards i guessss...
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
This is probably a great example of why people shouldn't talk too much about their exes in a new relationship!
I believe the whole point of dating to be finding the one you either want to have a serious relationship with or the one you eventually want to marry. Some people have other ideas of dating such as a hook up, friends with benefits, or even short term relationships.
If you're questioning your feelings for this girl you need to really think about it. To go on with a relationship and not tell your partner how you're truly feeling is not fair. You need to decide do you see a future with her or not?
If you do then by means that's great. Don't continue comparing yourself to her ex because you aren't him. Your relationship with her is different from the relationship she had with him. Maybe tell her how you've been feeling or thinking and she waht she says. Have you talked to her about it?
If you don't see her in your future and you don't want to continue the relationship you need to be honest with her. Tell her how you're feeling and what's been bothering you.
To talk about a future or possible marriage is big and girls don't take it lightly. I've talked to my boyfriend about the possibly future and it excites me. If he were to ever question something I would hope he would talk to me and be honest with me. Communication is key in a relationship. So talk to her about it or if you feel like it's not going to work you need to talk to her about it. Good luck and I hope everything works out!
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Everyone has a past, This women was in a relationship for 6 years but something happened they broke up and now she is with you. It is wrong for you to hold the past over this women's head and if that is your way of thinking dude you aren't going to find anyone. Nobody wants to be with someone who looks down on them and judges them. You are 8 months in your relationship, Right now you shouldn't really be thinking of marriage just be happy to be with her. Sometimes it's best to put the past behind you and move on from it. Stop being judge mental and try supporting her and loving her for who she is.
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You seem a bit old fashion. Let me ask you a question. Do you feel it is okay for you to come to the marriage bed after sleeping with one or more women for however many differing periods of time; yet your wife should be a virgin?
If your answer is yes, than you are living in the wrong century or at least in the wrong society. Sexual freedom and equality has been around for a long time. Since the sexual revolution in the early 60's women have been more sexually active prior to marriage. Now because of diseases more women are putting off having sex until they find themselves in long term relationships; still it is rare to find a true virgin over the age of say 21.
This women was in a long term 6 year relationship with a man who she thought she would probably marry. You are in an 8 month relationship, having sex with her, even though you are thinking of marring her. Did you think this is the women I'm going to marry the first time you two had sex?
Do you see the point I'm trying to make? She was in a long term relationship versus being in a new relationship with you and your condemning her for her past. The problem is all your not hers.
If you can't get past this then don't string her along and break her heart again. End the relationship now. But be sure to give her your honest reasons for doing so.
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wow she really deserves better than you. she has been in a relationship for 6 years ! Would you like it if she had been with 20 guys then?
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Double standards, hypocrisy and sexism.
It's hard to give someone advice on dealing with thoughts that are flat out wrong, inappropriate and nasty.
It's wrong of you to think of her as used or impure, and to hold her to a standard you would never hold yourself too - because you have a penis and she doesn't.
And that's ALL that this is.
You think that you, a man, deserves a 'pure woman'. That woman are less worthy of affection and respect if they have been with someone else.
That's a pretty awful thing to think of other human beings, especially one you claim to love.
Frankly, if you can't get past this, you'd make a really lousy husband, and she'd deserve a better man than you.
It's nasty to obsesses over her past. It means you are failing completely to see her for who she is today. To respect her ability to make choices for herself. And to acknowledge her rights to make those choices as an adult human being.
Don't get married until you defeat these inappropriate ways of thinking. You'll only make both of you miserable, and you'll enter the marriage already disrespecting and rejecting your wife.
There is no real trick to defeating these thoughts, except to remind yourself, over and over again, how completely wrong they are.
If you are serious about becoming a loving and respectful husband, to her or to pretty much anyone else either, you should consider seeing a therapist to help you eliminate the biases and judgements you are making that stand between you and your goal.
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