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should i stay, or should i go ?
This is going to be SUPER long, but i'm need of some serious help. i'm 17/F and my bf is 21. ive been with him for 1 year, and its literally been the best year of my life. he has made me happy in so many ways i didnt even know were possible. along with that, he's also brought me down to my lowest. the thought of losing him seriously gives me suicidal thoughts, i have cried for 7 hours during arguements and yesterday it even got physical. it got so bad i started punching him and telling him he was an ass****, i attempted jumping out of his car, he put me in a chokehold and called me a slut. i seriously lose myself when i fight with him, like i black out and i dont see anything but pain. on top of me and him having horrible fights, i have this extreme jealousy towards his ex of 4 years, because they were super serious and she is still crazy in love with him. i'm terrified he'll leave me and get back with her, or that she'll convince him to cheat on me with her. i dont know if i would be more miserable with him or without him. i feel like he's my only choice, i live in a small town and i know i will NEVER find anyone like him. i'm just too crazy in love with him. i want to learn how to fix this without me being so crazy about everything, and maybe stop caring less? PLEASE HELP.
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This may sound harsh, but in order to be happy with someone, you have to be happy with yourself.
The anger you have when you guys fight isn't normal. It's outragious.
You and him are doomed. There is no fixing it. I'm sorry. You must controll your jealousy and realize that if he wanted to be with his ex, he would be. He wouldn't waste his time in being with you if he really wanted her. Do you get what I'm saying? Obviously he doesn't want her, if he's with you. Ya know? Being jealous over an ex, is ridiculous. She's an ex for a reason. She's in the past, and if you don't fix yourself, you will be in the past too.
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This relationship is probably over.
You might both drag it out for a while longer, maybe years longer. BUt a relationship with this degree of crazy and physical abuse will end, badly, sooner or later. You are both irrational and volient. It's can't continue.
The best thing you can do is learn to live without him. You are not going to 'fix it' with him, you need to work on yourself, by yourself.
Move out. Go stay with family or friends and stay away from him. You may love him, but you are incapable of treating eachother lovingly. So it's over. Accept it. Cry it out. Go be better. With someone else.
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Don't worry about the past, focus on your future with him not his ex. Obviously, he and his ex aren't together for a reason, and even though you have arguments, he has continued to stay with you. That means he obviously loves you more. Jealousy will just put him off you. I understand that you hit him - strangely enough - I understand, that you love someone more than anything that you can get as mad as anything towards them. However, when this happens, just try to calm yourself down, talk about how you feel, don't act out your feelings (counting to ten does really work!). Something tells me that his actions towards you were also out of anger, not what he really meant to do to you - you really shouldn't provoke him in future! I can't tell you if you should stay or go, only you know that within your heart. If you love him so much, and you think you can work around these arguments, then stay with him, try to resolve them, and try to get over your jealousy. But, if you think you'll always have that jealousy, and you'll continue with these arguments, then go. Your heart might be confused with the answer, but your brain should be telling you what you need to do, what you want to do. Just think harder than what you feel.
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You out clearly out of line, I can guarantee if you keep on acting the way you were he will leave. That is abuse and just not normal behavior. It is okay to have jealousy issues in a relationship but you also need to know your boundaries, You can't let the jealousy get out of hand as in some cases jealousy can lead to being controlling. Your boyfriend's ex is an ex for reason, He is no longer with her. If you trust your boyfriend and your relationship then you are going to need to chill out and just be happy with him. Communication goes along way, Talk to him about how you feel in a mature way. What you are doing, It's irrational and just flat out nuts. Calm down, What is done is done but next time communicate about it not act out or he will eventually call it quits for good. To be honest, If you hit me you'd be on the first bus out.
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You really want to be in a relationship with a guy who treats you like this? A guy who puts you in a chokehold? A guy who calls you a slut? I'm sure you love having a boyfriend but that doesn't mena you have to deal with someone like that.
First off no one is worth suicide. Why would you kill yourself just because of someone? No one is worth taking your life for. I mean I would take a bullet for my friends or my boyfriend but that's very different.
This relationship sounds both dangerous for you and for him. It soudns like you are emotionally damaged and that he's emotionally abusive to you. My advice is to break up with him and move on. Maybe start talking a therapist or guidance couselor about how your feeling. You're not helping yourself by staying a relationship like this you are only hurting yourself. By staying he's just going to continue to treat you like he is now. There is this guy who dates my friend and he is a jerk. He's a complete jerk. She kept giving him chances and he changed for two seconds and then went back to his old ways. People don't changed and if they do its a long while before they can completely change. You think that staying in this relationship is going to change things but its not going to and things will get worse. He needs help and lessons on how to treat a woman especially when its his girlfriend. I'm sure you want to hear ways on how to fix this but I'm going to be honest you are better off just moving on. Good luck and keep your head up!
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