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Boyfriend called me F*ed up
I have sort of an odd situation. My boyfriend and I who recently, about 2 months ago, got back together after being together for 8 months and breaking up, called me F*ed up. He calls me all sorts of names, and tells me to stfu, calls me crazy, nuts, and all other things. When were argue this is what he replies back with. He can't communicate right. He is getting better but I can't make him understand how disrespectful it is to call your girlfriend those names. How do I make him understand what he is doing is wrong and no matter who he is with no one will take that from him? Should I break up with him? I am so comfortable with him and I have a great time with him but he doesn't connect on an emotional level with me.
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The guy is an abuser in waiting. Show him the door. And look at yourself and see if you're codependent in that you have a need to fix people.
Btw, was your dad like that? Sometimes women choose partners like dear old dad and that can be either good or bad, depending on the individual. If your father was like that you may need to see a therapist to kinda deprogram yourself from choosing men like that.
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I agree with adviceman49, this guy is verbally abusing you. You need to get out of this relationship as soon as possible, and pray for his sake that he gets the help that he needs. Sometimes a verbally abusive relationship can get to the point where the guy will start hitting you, and that's NOT OKAY.
He may grow out of this when he grows older, he may not. Getting rid of this disorder will be hard for him, and you probably won't be able to do anything to make him realize that the way hat he's treating you is not cool.
There are plenty of guys that you can find who will be able to properly communicate with you, and you will feel the same feeling again. If I were you, I would not let this escalate any further... call it quits and cut him out of your life.
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The relationship you are in is called "abusive". No matter how much fun you have with him, no matter how comfortable you may feel with him. In the end you are being abused by him mentally when he resorts to calling you by those names. This is also his way of trying to control you which is part and parcel of an abuser.
You are not in a true loving relationship. You are being used and he is abusing you and attempting to control you for what ever reasons he has for doing so. You will not change him as this is a personality disorder.
Personality disorders are not cured, they are dealt with through therapy to help this type of person to understand they are wrong. The first problem is getting them to understand they are wrong. The second problem is getting them to want to change. In many cases it takes a judge to get them into therapy, but forced therapy usually does not cause the individual to change.
Yes, I've painted a dark picture. I did so purposely because this is what lies ahead for him and you if you stay with him. He needs a wake up call. You need to stay safe. Leaving him will keep you safe and hopefully provide the wake up call he needs.
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You don't have a relationship with him, He is mentally abusing you. Calling someone names is not acceptable even if you two are in a relationship. Reality, Spouses do fight yes, but no matter how mad one gets putting someone down is just wrong.
I'm going to say, Leave him. Nobody needs to be with someone who is going to kill your self esteem and abuse you. Communication is a important part of a relationship and if he can't be mature enough to do it the right way then he isn't going to find anyone. I'd dump him, Cut contact and meet someone who is right for you. Don't let assholes play stupid games, You are better than that.
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While, it is a seemingly pleasant thought to entertain that perhaps together you can get through this. The problem is is that often people who are in relationships with people who call them names end up very hurt in the process and sometimes there self-esteem takes a dive in the process, amongst other negative consequences.
Breaking up with him may be the best option. You have to think for yourself and do the best for yourself.
You don't need to tolerate someone talking to you that way. Some people would call what he does verbal or emotional abuse.
I understand you are comfortable with him and care about him. But if what he says and does is hurting you and he hasnt expressed a need to change it. It's best not to delude yourself into thinking you can change him or get to him. You need to protect yourself. consider cutting your losses, turning to friends and other activities you enjoy and telling him directly the reason why you no longer want to be with him.
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