Gender: Female
Member Since: October 1, 2011
Answers: 9
Last Update: October 1, 2011
Visitors: 1251
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Its extremely embarassing asking advice about this but I have no else to talk to about it. About a year or so ago I was with a friend and she was with this guy she wanted to go hang with him in his van so I went with her because I didn't want her to go alone. They started getting high and asked me if I wanted to. Stupidly enough I agreed and apparently I slept with the guy that was there. I felt so disgusting I don't even know why I chose to get high. I'm tottally clean and I don't do stuff like that. I feel like a skank. I didn't want to do that and I found the guy really repulsive I told him I didn't wana be involved with him in any way and that I shouldn't have done that my friend doesn't look at me any differently but I do. I'm so ashamed of myself and I regret it deeply. I just want to forget all about it but I can't idk what to do. (link)
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I know you feel bad, and that's okay but do not beat yourself up over it. You are not a skank. You tried something, you had never tried before, despite probably your better judgement and ended up doing something you regret. It happens. It's sad. It can hurt. it never feels good to do something that we dont feel is in line with our character. The good news is is that you tried drugs and realize that it is not for you. Yes, you ended doing sexual things or perhaps doing things you wouldnt have done otherwise. Again, you are not a skank. Made a mistake, yes, by your standards sounds like it was.
I'm happy that you are sharing your shame. It takes a lot of courage to share something so personal with other people and I can tell you are someone with values, and personality. But I dont want you to hold onto this moment as being something only negative and something that forever scarred you and made you a bad person.
You are not a horrible person, everyone makes mistakes. You realize that for yourself drugs are not for you and you dont like how it made you do something contrary to what you would have done otherwise. That's a good thing. Sometimes we need to experience something for ourselves to realize why we wouldnt want to do it again.
Please forgive yourself and you can choose next time to not do drugs and remain in control of yourself so that you dont do anything foolish because you were high. you can choose to live life sober, like I do, and have more conscious awareness of what you do.
You can heal from it by talking about it with people you trust and getting support from people. But more importantly, Life is all about experiencing things... this is how we learn. You chose to get high and you didnt like the outcome. Dont be mad at yourself. love yourself. forgive yourself. Choose to not get high anymore because unpredictable things can happen that you may end up regretting and you dont want to live a life life like that... that is your choice and it based on experience.
I'm sorry you are experiencing this and I hope the best for you.
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Sixteen, female, from the United States.
I've known I've had a few "mental issues" for the past four years. I used to be one of the self-mutilating crowd, mainly because of a past boyfriend who was suicidal and tried to get me to go along with him. I used to be extremely angsty, whiny, all that shit. Luckily, I grew out of that side. However, the beatings I was giving myself didn't stop.
I've told my parents multiple times in the past that I had a weird thing for pain. They caught me cutting my wrists once, and my mother put on her caring face and tried to help me through it. She hired a therapist to talk to me about it, who honestly didn't help a single bit when it came to the self-mutilation thing, but was at least there to listen to everything else. The understanding and kindness lasted for about a week or so, then everything pretty much went back to normal.
My parents aren't horrible parents; they're just a little...uninvolved. My mom only talks about her life at work or with her side of the family, my dad doesn't talk much at all, and my sister's too young to understand much. The biggest attention I get from them is A., when I do something -really- good, or B. when I do something "horrible" (forgetting to wash dishes, making sarcastic comments, etc.), and they feel like screaming at me about it. In that kind of situation, they pretty much completely forget about my condition and start calling me worthless, stupid, over-dramatic, etc. To the point where I usually just storm out and take it out on myself downstairs. They have to know what I'm doing down in my room, they've seen the scars, and yet they pretty much ignore most of it when we have to interact again.
I feel better when I'm in pain. I've already realized this for a while now. When I'm hurting myself in any way, I'm not often doing it because I'm depressed. It distracts me, it keeps me clear-headed, and often, I enjoy the feeling. Kind of like listening to music or eating chocolate, only a little more...extreme. But sometimes, I really do fear that if I go too far or lose control, I'll end up hurting myself or someone I love.
I'm already slightly unstable enough as it is, because I had a -lot- of shit go down with a past boyfriend a few months ago; when he found I was hurting myself, he flat out yelled at me to stop it or else he would never see me again (although he ended up leaving me anyway a week later for another girl). That kind of sent me over the edge. Not the edge as in "I became depressed and sad and suicidal", but more of "I feel like burning something and laughing hysterically".
Anyways. I don't have anyone to talk to about this "problem"; all my friends think I'm kidding (literally, I've told them about six times in all seriousness and they sluffed it right off), and I don't have any family members that are close to me. I'm not hurting myself enough to make me (or, apparently, my parents) worry, but it is starting to interfere with my everyday life, and I know that things like this just escalate from there.
Advice, anyone? I would ask for internet hugs, too, but that might be asking too much. D: (link)
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Here are some numbers I found and the reason I looked them up is because I think it can be helpful, if you have no one else to talk to presumably these are professionals. Its important to have support from others.
I use to self-mutilate when I was around your age. I know how it seems to make us feel better to do it. It is probably the hormones in our body that get released, the adrenaline, that we enjoy. It's like drugs, or alcohol as well, doing those things can make a person feel good in the moment. But it doesnt resolve ANYTHING!
This is a bad habit to develop. I would recommend that you help yourself change it into something more constructive. You sound like a very intelligent female, very caring. I get that sense from the way you write.
I'm sorry to hear that no one seems to be taking this very seriously. They probably dont know how to deal with it. I think it is really courageous of you to ask for help and to desire to want to change because you see for yourself that it is not helping.
Sounds like you could use some help dealing with your emotions better. It would also help to have a supportive environment, a security net around you, who understands what you are going through. There are online forums, I am here, there are those support numbers ( not sure how useful they will be, i just found them online).
It can be difficult to overcome addiction and to change patterns but it can be done...
A big internet hug... dont worry you will get though this.. Many many many people cut themselves and many people have uninvolved parents, perhaps by working with a therapist, a family therapist maybe even you can find a way to reconnect with your family and not resort to cutting for temporary relief, distraction from what is really bothering you and frustrating you !
I believe in you... and hope the best for you.
National Youth Crisis Hotline
1-800-448-4663
Adolescent Crisis Intervention & Counseling Nineline
1-800-999-9999
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I feel as if I've had a mental disorder my entire life because I never seem to have true emotions as often as a normal person should. I say hurtful things in my mind just to make myself cry and feel sad. I find myself wanting to feel sad or depressed. When my friends grandma was diagnosed with cancer I honestly didn't feel bad for her. everytime I open up to someone, I always regret it because I feel weak having to confide in them. I can feel happy, truly happy, but I have trouble feeling sad. what's wrong with me? I've felt this way as long as I can remember, I'm only 13. (link)
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What are these hurtful things you say in your mind to make yourself cry and feel sad?
Are you doing that just to see if you really have emotions?
Where did you get this idea that you are not feeling enough emotion or that your range of emotional expression is limited?
You might have a mental illness of some kind but it could also be that your thoughts are governing the emotions you feel and your intepretation of things is off. This is what cognitive behavorial therapy helps with. It helps people change the way they think about things, which then leads them to feel differently, and act differently.
i wouldnt jump to the conclusion that you dont feel the emotion of sadness or are somehow lacking in some fundamental way just because you didnt feel bad that your friends grandmother got diagnosed with cancer. If my friends told me her grandma got diagnosed with cancer. I would just try to empathize with the person. try to comfort my friend. That is not always easy. It's harder for some to connect with people they have never met, to whom they have no emotional attachment. also, when we are wrapped up in our own emotional problems it can be difficult to be there for other people. You're only 13. you have a lot left to learn, dont be so hard on yourself.
You might consider getting some proffesional help though so that you can get help dealing with these heavy feelings and thoughts you are having. There's nothing wrong with seeing someone about thisin fact, i think it's a healthy response. I dont think you have a mental disorder or that you lack a conscience.
Im sure things will get better for you!
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i work in a coffee shop and i'm usually by myself because it's a small place. i love my job, but most of the time, i work the busiest shifts so i'm dealing with tons of customers alone! i just wanted to know if anyone has had barista experience, if they could tell me how to handle customers at the register waiting to order and making drinks for customers who are waiting for their drinks to be made. thank you so much! (link)
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Aknowledge the customers that are waiting. Tell them you will be with them in a moment, smile, look them in the eyes. Engage your customers with some conversation if you can, not too much that it slows you down but just enough that you keep them entertained and not focused on the fact that it is taking too long. Keep yourself in positive spirits. There is only so much that you can do.
Make sure that you are serving the customers in the most timely fashion that you can. If taking a few orders at once and charging them after seems like the best idea. Do that! Do what works, try new things. You want to serve them as quick as possible and make their experience pleasant.
You need to manage your stress well and though i may not have given you the best advice, im happy that you are seeking for answers on how to deal with this. Shows that you are committed in many ways.
I'd say find a system that works in terms of how to do things the quickest way possible and you will get faster at it. I think good customer service is key as well. I definitely dont like when I walked to get a coffee on my break, only having to leave without getting it. But if you are working really hard, and putting in lots of effort and acknowledge me and show your willingness to serve me, that helps a lot.
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18/f
my boyfriend of one year and I had a very close family oriented relationship, if we werent hanging out at my house, we were at his house. the only bad thing is, that even though he's 21, his mother is always in his business. The other day, we started drinking alcohol at his house, and his mom flipped out because she thought he was driving drunk, which he wasnt. and being drunk already, there was no filter to what was coming out of my mouth. he took me home (he was sober, i wasnt) & his mom followed us to my house, and once she was here, she started telling my mom how irresponsible we are, and that he's an alcoholic, which is not true at all, and me of course being drunk, started telling her to get the f*** out of my house, i called her a bitch and yelled at her. When i finally sobered up and realized what i had done, i realized i commited the biggest mistake ever. i need to find a way to mend things with his mom... i already apologized to her but she says her heart and eyes are closed off to me forever. PLEASE, i need help!! i'm not even allowed over his house anymore, and i miss his family :/ (link)
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I agree that she probably needs some time to process things and figure out how to deal with this.
Perhaps writing her a letter might be a little less in her face and perhaps she could understand exactly how and why you are sorry better if there are things perhaps you would like to tell her.
I would explain to her that I miss her family and your son and wish nothing more to be back allowed into their home and into her heart again. I would explain that I understand that calling her a name and yelling at her was innapropriate and that you feel a tremendous amount of regret over having crossed that line while under the influence. I would explain that I am still learning and hope that she finds it in her to forgive me. I would tell her that I was really upset with her telling my mom that we were irresponsible or for saying something that i felt was untrue about my boyfriend. I would stress that despite those feeling there is no reason to call someone else a name and I would tell her that I believe that she did what she did because she cared.
in short, say how you feel, and why you are sorry, apologize and say what you are apologizing for. Ask her to forgive you, and tell her you hope that she has a change of heart because they mean a lot to you and leave it at that. Give her the space and time, and hopefully she will come to forgive you.
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im trying to do something in music like start a little band but im by myself right now and i can kinda drum a good bit but im still getting lessons and im bout to purchase a keyboard and learn tht too buti really wanna work on my voice more .. i mean i can rap really fast i just want to have a smoother better voice so any tips? (link)
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Do you live in a big city? Perhaps you can join a choir or group that practices singing? I dont know if you want to stick to just rapping... im not sure what you mean by smoother and better voice..
There are lots of videos on you tube that give voice training lessons or if you have the money get a personal trainer. Keep practicing, set specific goals for yourself, do a search online, on you tube through google.. just type free voice training lessons, or how to increase my vocal range or how to sing like so and so...
There are also a lot of relatively cheap voice training cd's that you can buy in stores or online.
I think it's great that you found something you enjoy doing and are working on it... keep it up!
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I'm 20 years old and I've been with my boyfriend whose 22 for over 5 months. We've had a few problems, mainly minor but so far things are going great.
There is one problem though when we're having sex he won't take off his shirt. Actually make it where he won't let me see him without his shirt period. I actually tried pulling up his shirt because I wanted to try something new, and as soon as I did that he pulled his shirt back down.
When I asked him if I could see him without his shirt off, he said no. I asked him "Why not? I'm not your girlfriend," again he told me no.
He's the only boyfriend of mine that I've never seen fully naked. He does have a lot of body issues, he's overweight from playing football and has never been able to take off all of the weight. I'm used to when I'm having sex actually getting to see the guy naked.
He loves me and I love him, we're both very much into sex. He's seen me naked and topless a bunch of times, I would like to have the opportunity to see him naked.
Is there anything that I can do to get him to feel more comfortable about taking his shirt off in front of me? (link)
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How long has it been that you have been in a situation with him where he wasnt taking off his shirt? 5 months?
I think it will obviously take time and hopefully by you reassuring him that you love him for who he is and not how he looks per se, he will eventually trust and come to take off his shirt.
Maybe mentioning one of your insecurities with him might help, empathize with him.
I would also tell him why I want to see him with his shirt off but not force him to. I'd tell him, that whenever he is ready, then that works with me.
At that point I would also mention and often enough remind the person that I care about them regardless if they have acne or are just plain overweight under their shirt.
It's a shame that people can feel so embarassed or ashamed of the way they look. He needs to find it in him to accept who he is under his shirt and feel okay in his skin, enough to expose himself to another.
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I have sort of an odd situation. My boyfriend and I who recently, about 2 months ago, got back together after being together for 8 months and breaking up, called me F*ed up. He calls me all sorts of names, and tells me to stfu, calls me crazy, nuts, and all other things. When were argue this is what he replies back with. He can't communicate right. He is getting better but I can't make him understand how disrespectful it is to call your girlfriend those names. How do I make him understand what he is doing is wrong and no matter who he is with no one will take that from him? Should I break up with him? I am so comfortable with him and I have a great time with him but he doesn't connect on an emotional level with me. (link)
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While, it is a seemingly pleasant thought to entertain that perhaps together you can get through this. The problem is is that often people who are in relationships with people who call them names end up very hurt in the process and sometimes there self-esteem takes a dive in the process, amongst other negative consequences.
Breaking up with him may be the best option. You have to think for yourself and do the best for yourself.
You don't need to tolerate someone talking to you that way. Some people would call what he does verbal or emotional abuse.
I understand you are comfortable with him and care about him. But if what he says and does is hurting you and he hasnt expressed a need to change it. It's best not to delude yourself into thinking you can change him or get to him. You need to protect yourself. consider cutting your losses, turning to friends and other activities you enjoy and telling him directly the reason why you no longer want to be with him.
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i need ideas of songs to do for the talent show, any ideas?
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A few things, I would consider who my audience is. Depending on whether it is a mixed crowd, or predominantly young crowd ( school talent show) or other, that might help you decide what type of song to pick generally.
Also, you should consider your type of voice, what kind of songs are you good at singing, what style?
Third, Once you have the answers to these questions, I would suggest picking a song that is challenging for you to sing but that you sing well.
You'll want to practice it and make a show out of it. You'll want to be able to sing it and express it in your sleep if you had to. Also, perhaps make it into your own version.
If you are good at a particular style and sing like particular artists, you could do a google search of similar artists and top songs or songs about such and such thing by such and such artists.
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