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humorist-workshop
i dont know what i should do
Its extremely embarassing asking advice about this but I have no else to talk to about it. About a year or so ago I was with a friend and she was with this guy she wanted to go hang with him in his van so I went with her because I didn't want her to go alone. They started getting high and asked me if I wanted to. Stupidly enough I agreed and apparently I slept with the guy that was there. I felt so disgusting I don't even know why I chose to get high. I'm tottally clean and I don't do stuff like that. I feel like a skank. I didn't want to do that and I found the guy really repulsive I told him I didn't wana be involved with him in any way and that I shouldn't have done that my friend doesn't look at me any differently but I do. I'm so ashamed of myself and I regret it deeply. I just want to forget all about it but I can't idk what to do.
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Kiddo, as you proceed through life you are going to make mistakes that you will regret. It happens. It's part of growing up. We are all imperfect and we all have moments of weakness. The only thing you can do is learn from those mistakes to become a better person.
In this instance, here is how you should look at this:
1. You will never, ever allow anyone to tell you what you should do because you should always do what is right for you personally. Nobody else can be you and only you know what will make you happy. Next time you are presented with a similar situation, say, "sorry you guys, this ain't for me. See ya later!" When you walk away from potentially troublesome situations it is hard for you to get ensnared in it.
2. Relax. You shouldn't hate yourself over this. Try to keep things simple and don't overthink. Just say to yourself, "wow, I blew it there. Not gonna do THAT again!" and move on.
3. Sometimes you have friends, for whatever reason, that are losers. Be honest with yourself. Is your friend a loser? It looks like it to me. And you know what losers just love? Dragging others into the pit of hell with them. This is why you avoid or jettison losers in/from your social circle. Don't be so desperate for friends that you choose losers to hang out with because it will cost you.
4. Take control of your life. Don't let others sabotage it. Only you can live it and you only get to do it ONE TIME. Make that one time count for something positive rather than getting dragged into the pathetic daytime talk show like circus too many others allow themselves to get sucked into.
5. Just to repeat: DON'T OVERTHINK!
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I know you feel bad, and that's okay but do not beat yourself up over it. You are not a skank. You tried something, you had never tried before, despite probably your better judgement and ended up doing something you regret. It happens. It's sad. It can hurt. it never feels good to do something that we dont feel is in line with our character. The good news is is that you tried drugs and realize that it is not for you. Yes, you ended doing sexual things or perhaps doing things you wouldnt have done otherwise. Again, you are not a skank. Made a mistake, yes, by your standards sounds like it was.
I'm happy that you are sharing your shame. It takes a lot of courage to share something so personal with other people and I can tell you are someone with values, and personality. But I dont want you to hold onto this moment as being something only negative and something that forever scarred you and made you a bad person.
You are not a horrible person, everyone makes mistakes. You realize that for yourself drugs are not for you and you dont like how it made you do something contrary to what you would have done otherwise. That's a good thing. Sometimes we need to experience something for ourselves to realize why we wouldnt want to do it again.
Please forgive yourself and you can choose next time to not do drugs and remain in control of yourself so that you dont do anything foolish because you were high. you can choose to live life sober, like I do, and have more conscious awareness of what you do.
You can heal from it by talking about it with people you trust and getting support from people. But more importantly, Life is all about experiencing things... this is how we learn. You chose to get high and you didnt like the outcome. Dont be mad at yourself. love yourself. forgive yourself. Choose to not get high anymore because unpredictable things can happen that you may end up regretting and you dont want to live a life life like that... that is your choice and it based on experience.
I'm sorry you are experiencing this and I hope the best for you.
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In actuality by the legal definition you were raped. Unless you are able to knowingly consent to having sex you are considered to be raped. If you have sex while drunk or under the influence of illegal drugs you are unable to give consent. Whether you want to charge the boy with rape is up to you.
By willingly getting high does not mean you agreed to have sex with this boy. Doing one is not permission to do the other. What is operative her is your ability to make an informed consent then are you of legal age to consent.
Regardless of whether you want to press charges against this boy I would suggest you contact your local rape counseling center. They can help you through this by helping you find someone to talk with knowledgeable in these situations.
From what you have written you have nothing to be ashamed about or to feel like a "shank", whatever that is." You were taken advantaged of when you were in no condition to give consent. That is the definition of rape. Anyone who is raped is never at fault and has nothing to be ashamed of.
I would also suggest you talk to your parents. Yes they will get upset. They will get upset with you getting high, though they will get more upset at the fact you were raped or if you prefer had sex without you consent or knowledge.
You do not say how old you are. If you were my daughter and came to me with this information I would be very upset. No matter how old a fathers daughter is she is always be seen by her father as his little girls, even when she is all grown up and has children of her own. When something like this happens the first thing we as fathers want to do is protect our daughters and find the guy that has hurt her. So if your dad gets unreasonably upset if and when you tell him, this is partially the reason.
My advice: Contact the local Rape Counseling Center and consider telling your parents which I do suggest you do.
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well, if I was in your shoes, I would go to a local youth group and, share your experience, I know it helped me when I needed help, in fact a lot of my friends have had help from our youth group. They can and will try to help you in anyway they can... and if that doesn't work, you can always try and talk to a family member that you know wont judge you or tell a friend you trust.
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