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Why is my mom putting me through this?
For a very long time, my mom has been trying to live through me. But, now that I'm an adult, almost graduating from college, it's just getting out of control. She has gotten better, I cannot discredit that. But, I'm really worried. About a year ago, I got hair extensions (long story). But basically, I lost hair because I wasn't eating very well and I also bleached it which was really bad. It was fine for a while... but it's been almost two years now (about a year and a half or longer) that I've had these extensions. They are expensive and limit me from being able to wash my own hair or dry it. I can't ever leave it wet. They are very annoying. It's fine that I had them for a while. But, I think they've overextended their stay. I told my mom that I really want them off. All she says is your not ready. If that wasn't enough, she recently saw a friend of mine with fake eyelashes on. She said I HAD to go get them. The problem with the eyelashes is that they require refills (expensive refills!) Like, maybe $75 every time, which is every 2 weeks. My mom doesn't work. Her income comes from a house that she rents out, whose taxes were backed up. She always has to put herself on a payment plans for cell phones (which she is using my credit for because she lost hers). I work and I'm getting money from school because of my scholarships. So, I help her out with certain things. By the extensions and the eyelashes are getting ridiculous. Today, I have an appointment at noon, which I really needed that time to study and work out, because I have to go into work/class at night. I explain this to her... but she doesn't get it!!! Please advise me
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
Cancel that credit card. Do it now, trust me you do not owe your mother a route into building debt for you. Cancel it now, do not ever give her another one.
Stop. Just stop. Remove her ability to spend your money, change your bank account information and cancel any and all cards she has in your name. Look up a credit agency and get your credit report so you know if she's got credit in your name that you don't have access to and get that shut down asap.
Stop acting like a child. You are in college. You are an adult. You HAVE THE RIGHT TO TELL YOUR MOTHER NO! Stop paying for extensions and fake eyelashes and cancel the tanning bed thing. Make sure to cancel the credit card anyway.
Then. Go to this website [Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
That is some good information on identity theft. One of my wife's cousins had her mother fuck her credit entirely before she graduated high school. You do not want to let this happen. Your mother might go behind your back and take out cards in your name. That is a crime. If she runs up debt without your permission or uses your social security number to apply for credit cards without you knowing, that is a _felony_. Stop her before this happens. Tell her point blank that you do not want to charge her with a crime and that she needs to leave your finances alone before she gets it done to herself.
Stand up for yourself, you are not a child anymore and your mother obviously is nuts, has no idea what real priorities are. Do not _allow_ her to do this anymore. Stop spending your money on shit so that you have to go to her for food money. Do not explain to her until you have removed her ability to spend money that has your name on it. You're going to end up with thousands of dollars in debt and a mother who tells you it's your responsibility to pay it all off and not hers.
Do not allow her to sink your ship the way hers is sinking. Her house with back taxes won't last forever, that shit is going to get repoed by the IRS or the state if she's neglecting the responsibilities.
Say no. Mean no. But only say it after you've cancelled all the cards and informed the companies that you want them to stay cancelled. Remove her access from everything financial related to you, open new bank accounts, do what has to be done and do it now.
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The first thing you need to do is take your credit card back form your mother. If you can't get it back from her without a fight call the credit card company and explain what is happening. They can help you reverse some of the charges she made like the tanning salon membership. They will also shut down your present card and issue one new card sent to you at school.
Any charge you do not authorize on your card is technically a fraudulent charge for which you may not be responsible for. If you have not used the tanning salon membership don't. Ask the Tanning salon to cancel the membership and explain to them that yo9u did not ask your mom to sign you up for this. If they refuse ask the credit card company to refuse any more charges to your card and reverse any charges made. They can do this if you ask and explain what has happened.
If you are able to reverse some of the charges mom made without your permission then you will have the money for food as you will have only the charges you authorized on your credit card.
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Hey u know what i think. I think you mother doesn't understand you. Have you tried talking to her lately about your problem. if not then tell her that your grown up now and can take care of your sell and you dont want her to tell you what to do. Its your life and its your chose. Enjoy it while you can. try to talk to her. good luck i hope this helps.
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You need to get away from your mother as soon as possible. I've seen your posts here often. Yes, you do have a huge problem. You will never be able to enjoy a normal healthy life until you find the strength to leave your mother's home and make a life for yourself. Each post you make here sounds more and more desperate. You sound like you are slowly dying. If you have a therapist, talk to him/her about this and start working on a plan together for you to be out on your own. If you don't have one, get one. Lie to your mother if you have to and tell her you need one to work on issues with school or your dad or something else. Just go. You need help. You need someone there with you to help. I wish you the best.
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I think your Mum is trying to live through you for some reason, perhaps the things she is trying to get you to do were something she wanted when she was your age, believing them to be essential for being seen as being attractive to men, perhaps? Everything she tries to impose on you are about how you are seen by other people, hair extensions, tanning, false eyelashes. But they're all false; is she trying to make you into something you're not while apparently ignoring what you seem to be trying to achieve, a good education. Could she be afraid that once you've graduated from college, you'll be alone, unable to find a 'suitable' partner?
You don't mention other family members. Is there anyone who could discuss this situation with you and your mother, an aunt, sister or friend perhaps? It sounds as if she is closing her eyes to all the expense she's causing to support her idea of how you should be.
Have you made any plans for after your graduation? Could you try making plans with her so that she'll be reassured you'll still be in touch with her regularly?
Let me know what happens with your Mom?
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