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i think i was sexually abused?
I am 18 years old now. ohkay i need help. ive been trying to figure this out for a while. So since i was little i remember humping things, i remember tring to do sexual things to myself and playing "doctor" with other people when i was like 9ish. i was told from my mom that she caught my older cousin kissing me one day, i dont remember this AT ALL. i just remember her never letting me and him alone together ever. Ever since those young years i always get this "guilt" feeling like when i have sex with my boyfriend i have to stop because i get this feeling. but i had that feeling even when i humped things when i was little. and about 3 years ago i fell asleep in my brothers bed and i woke up to him touching my butt so i moved alittle to the side and he started touching my butt again and then after a couple minutes he stopped, i just acted like i was sleeping so idk if he was or not. i just i want this feeling to go away and idk why i get it, but its an occasional feeling. any response is helpful. thank you.
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If your feelings are interfering with your sex life then you need to see a therapist. The rubbing against things itself isn't an indication of anything. Many kids do that and you could have felt guilty about it for any number of reasons (sexually repressive household, religious messages about masturbation being bad, etc).
However, you need to tell your brother that the next time he touches you will result in you going to your parents about it.
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I can't say for sure if you were abused or not from what you have written. If you were abused you may have repressed the event and it is manifesting itself to a degree.
I would suggest you find a therapist. psychologist you are comfortable with. You may have to work with a few before you find one you are comfortable with. Work with the therapist to find and bring forward any repressed memory and then deal with it. Once you have dealt with it the feelings you now have when having sex will go away.
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Maybe try talking to someone about it like your mom. If its a reacurring feeling even when your with your boyfriend then i think there is a issue your subconsious is telling you you need to deal with. as for your brother,. because you moved away and he touched your butt again,. i would say he is doing it on purpose. But i can't be for sure,. I would talk to him about what happened and ask him not to do it again.
Hope this helps:)
~Jasmine*
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